From My Past
by justwanttologin
Summary: Bella falls in love with a man she shouldn't have and it causes problems with everyone she loves.
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV

Being a nanny is stressful, people don't believe it but it is. It's not the kids so much as the parents. I love the kids, Anna 6 and Kyle 3. It's just that their mom signs them up for a billion different activities and they nave have time to just be kids. My life's goal was not to be a nanny. I went to school to be a teacher but the year I graduated was the worst teacher layoff of in the last 20 years so it was daycare or nannying. The job pays well and I only have to keep 4 people happy.

Then I get to come home to no one but my cat Wendy.

All my friends live about 3 hours away and I only get to see them on the weekends. But since I go down almost every weekend I don't really have friends here. Wendy's not a good friend. I'm only 25 and already on my way to being the crazy cat lady.

I make some dinner and sit down to watch Criminal Minds, I don't know why I watch this show, it almost always keeps me up at night when I watch it.

Half way through a really creepy episode I start hearing things and I call Sam, one of my friends from home.

We stay on the phone for a while with him catching me up on everyone, mainly our two other friends Jacob and Leah who have finally realized they like each other. It was one of those they were the last to see it things. We make plans for my upcoming week vacation I will be spending with him. I tell him Wendy has to come and he pretends to be annoyed but he's not. He loves me, in a completely non-romantic way.

I've known Sam and Jake and Leah since I was just a baby. All three of their moms took turns taking care of me while my dad worked because my mom walked out on us when I was just a baby. Jake's mom died when we were 8. So I am very close to Sam's mom Alison and Leah's mom Sue. I think my dad is secretly dating Sue, not sure why it's in secret but I'm not going to say anything about it.

Sam tells me to turn the show off and go to bed, I make him talk to me until I'm about to fall asleep. Growing up Sam and I always stuck together while Jake and Leah stuck together, strange really since Sam and Leah are both 3 years older than Jake and I but we're all good friends. Leah and I have each other for the girl stuff and Sam and Jake have each other for the guy stuff.

I wake up and have a text message from Sam asking if I slept good, he's so sweet. I text him back and tell him yes, have a good day.

I'm so glad this is Friday and then next week is my last week before vacation. I love my job and I love the kids but I really miss everyone. All three of them had family businesses to take over. No such luck for me, my dad's a cop.

I get ready and as soon as I get to work their mom rushes out leaving me to take Anna to school and Kyle to his karate lesson. 3 years olds in karate is completely pointless. Once we get there this amazingly hot man introduces himself as the new instructor.

"I'm Josh." He shakes my hand.

"I'm Bella, the nanny."

He smiles a killer smile and then teaches the class.

After class he stops me before I can leave.

"It was nice to meet you Bella, and I don't usually do this but do you want to go out tonight? I don't know, there is just something about you." I blush and tell him OK.

"We could meet at the coffee shop down the street from here?" He suggests and I tell him yeah that sounds good. We agree on a time and then it's off to grocery shopping before Kyle needs a nap.

The rest of the day drags on because I can't wait for tonight. I haven't been on a date in forever. I broke up with my last boyfriend over a year ago and I haven't dated since. Once I'm finally off I rush home and call Leah to figure out what to wear.

I get to the coffee shop and he's waiting for me. He's so hot; he looks a lot older than me though. I order a drink and sit down next to him. I'm suddenly nervous and have nothing to say so he asks me about my job and talks about his. From there we talk about everything.

We sit there for hours just talking and when it's time for the coffee shop to close we make plans to meet tomorrow to go hiking. I used to hike with my dad when I was little but I haven't been in forever.

I hardly sleep so I spend hours on the phone with Sam telling him about Josh, how amazing he is and he's so freaking hot he is. I leave out the part where he's 46.

The next day I get up early to get ready. Luckily I do have the right clothes for hiking. He picks me up and the whole day is pretty much amazing. I just met him but I feel like I've known him forever.

After hiking we head back to his house to shower and order take out.

After dinner I freak out a bit and hide in the bathroom to call Leah. I've never slept with anyone I wasn't in a serious relationship with. I want to and I'm pretty sure he wants to but I feel kind of slutty since I just met him.

Leah says go for it as long as it's my idea and not his. It is definitely my idea and it was a good one.

We spend most of Sunday in bed until sadly I have to get back to real life.

He calls me every day and we meet up for dinner twice over the next week. He begs me to spend my vacation with him but I'm not bailing on my friends for a man I've just met.

Saturday morning we meet for coffee before I drive home.

"So what's your last name?" I ask him and he tells me Uley.

I spit coffee out all over him. He laughs.

"Your name is Josh Uley?" I ask him slowly and he gives me a funny look and says yes. "You're Sam's father." I whisper.

"Oh shit Bella, how would you know that? I mean how do you even know Sam?"

"Sam is kind of my best friend, since I was like I don't know, old enough to walk. Holy shit Josh I've told him everything about you and us and oh this is bad. I mean I left out how old you are because he's kind of over-protective but eww. I told him things he should never have heard about his father! And you walked out on him and his mom. Alison is like a mother to me. Oh, this is so bad. Her and Sue and Sarah practically raised me. So um, as much as I've enjoyed this week this obviously has to be over." I start to get up but he grabs my arm and gently pushes me back down.

"Let me explain Bella…" Then it clicks. "Bella Swan. Shit they will kill me."

"No one finds out about this." I demand. This would freaking kill Sam. Not to mention Josh would so be dead.

"So this is messed up Bella but I like you, maybe we can work it out." He tries and I laugh bitterly.

"Even if I thought you wouldn't be walking right into death if anyone found about this I have no interest in a man that walks out on his family. Sam was just a little boy. My mom walked out on me and I could never forgive her. I wouldn't do that to Sam. Good bye Josh." I'm trying not to cry but this really sucks. I know he's a lot older than me but we actually have tons in common and for the first time since I moved I've had fun and haven't felt so alone. But like I told him I could never do that to Sam.

I let him kiss me good bye because honestly I want the one last kiss to hold on too. He gets more and more intense until I finally use all my inner strength to push him away.

"Bella…" He says as I get into my car.

"Just don't." I whisper and I drive off. As soon as I know I'm out of his sight and not in a place he will pass to go home I pull over and cry.

I know it's only been a week but I'm pretty sure I just walked away from the only man I've ever loved.

_A/N OK I got the idea for this story from Mrstrentreznor's story I'll Be Home For Christmas. I even asked her if she minding me posting my story because I never would have thought about Josh/Bella without reading that one. My story will be different though. You should read all of her stuff if you don't already, she is amazing. Most of it is M rated unlike mine so be aware if you are under 18. _

_Also I wasn't going to post this until I worked on some of my other stories so more but I couldn't resist. I will finish all of them, some may just take a little longer. _


	2. Chapter 2

Josh's POV

I was 18 when Sam was born, I was so proud to have a son and for a while we were the picture perfect family except for the whole young and broke part. But then I was working 14 hour days and when I was home Ali would hand Sam off to me and take off when she wasn't keeping little Bella. It was too much so I ran like a coward and I never looked back. Sam was 4 and Bella had just turned one. Sam loved that girl even as a little boy. So did Ali and everyone else. She was kind of the community baby since her mom ran out on her and Charlie. Charlie, who is a cop. Damn.

Running felt right at first but I missed them after a while. I couldn't just walk back into their lives like nothing had happened. I think Ali eventually remarried and I know she picked someone who would be good to Sam. I did what I could to keep my mind off of them. I worked, drank and slept with any woman who would go home with me. Finally the guilt of that got to me and I knew I needed to actually do something with my life. I grew up doing karate and so when I saw a gym looking for a kid's instructor I applied and got the job. 5 years later I opened my own studio.

Then along comes Bella. The day she walked into my karate class I knew there was something about her, and being with her is so easy. She's funny and smart and beautiful. I'm not saying I love her, I've known her a week… I'm saying I would have if given the chance.

I begged her to stay with me for her vacation but she wasn't going to cancel on her friends for a new guy she said and I couldn't really blame her. She was so excited about seeing all of them. Never mentioned them by name except for Leah, I guess now she didn't want to explain her best friend is a guy quite yet.

She asks me my last name and I feel kind of bad I never told her but I don't know hers either, not a huge deal so I tell her and she repeats it like it's poison or something.

Then she whispers your Sam's father and it clicks that this is little Bella. Bella Swan, the girl my son loved when he was 4. The girl I used to push in the baby swing and give her popsicles she never ate. She just watched them melt all over her in awe and it drove Ali nuts. Ali loved her as much as she loved Sam. I think she kind of hoped even way back then they would get married, and I spent the last week screwing her as much as I could and trying to make her never want to leave me.

Didn't matter in the end, as soon as she figured out who I am she was gone. I did to her best friend the same thing her own mom did to her. It's probably what makes them so close.

She let me kiss her good bye and I put everything I could into that kiss so that maybe, just maybe she would come back to me. I held on to her as long as I could before she pushed me away.

I feel kind of guilty for even wanting her back knowing who she is but I do.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella's POV

After I stop crying enough to see clearly I head home. I may live in Seattle and I technically lived in Forks growing up but La Push is home. La Push is where all my best friends live and where my dad spends most of his time and where I was pretty much raised. Forks is where we slept. Once I get there I drive to Leah's hoping Jake is not there. I'm not ready to see him or Sam quite yet. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to see Sam.

Luckily it's just Leah and at the sight of her I burst into tears so she drags me into the house and demands details. She's not the cuddly, aww are you OK type at all.

"I forgot Wendy at home." I sob to her.

"Right… this is about a cat." She says sarcastically and I tell her no it's not just the damn cat but she needs me!

So she tells me to get in the car, types my address into the GPS and we head back for Wendy. She lets me cry for about 30 seconds before demanding the rest of the story.

I tell her I broke it off with Josh hoping that's enough. It's not. She's asking a billion questions that I have no desire to answer. She wants me to start from the beginning because we aren't really phone talkers and sometimes details are hard in texts.

"OK Leah I will tell you everything but you have to promise this stays between us. Not a word to Jacob or Sam or your mom or any future children you may have." I tell her seriously.

"OK you're kind of freaking me out and I'm not crazy about keeping things from Jacob but I promise." She says just as seriously. I'm not a drama queen so she knows this is serious.

I tell her the whole story from meeting and the sex and the him being 46 and the dinners and the sex to this afternoon coffee where he begged me one last time to stay with him for my vacation.

"OK he's way old but I don't get the sworn to secrecy part Bella." She says confused.

"I asked him last name, just today, it just never came up I guess. His last name is Uley. Josh Uley." I whisper the last part.

"Oh damn Bella!" She says and I start crying again.

She tries to comfort me but it's really not her thing. Jake and her balance each other out well.

"Are you sure it's over? Because this would kill Sam." She tells me and I tell her yes I'm sure. No matter how incredible the week was Sam is my best friend and Alison is like a mother to me. I ask her if she's sure she can keep this from Jake and she says yes because she prefers him not in prison. I laugh even though I know she's serious.

We get to my apartment and I gather all of Wendy's things and head back. All the driving clears my head and I think I can handle Sam so she takes me to his place and helps me take all of Wendy's things laughing because Sam hates cats.

Sam picks me up and spins me around and kisses my on the forehead.

"Damn, I missed you too even if I spend every night on the phone with you." I laugh.

He asks how things with my new boyfriend are going and Leah makes up an excuse about needing to leave all the sudden.

I manage to not cry as I tell him I broke things off with him today. He's confused because I told him almost every day how I really like this guy. I tell him things were moving to quick and it just didn't feel right and he pretends to believe it. He's known me my whole life, he knows when I'm lying but he also knows when not to push.

I unpack my stuff and get Wendy set up in his guest room and then he orders pizza and we watch movies.

Leah comes back over with Jake and while I'm glad I'm here I'm a little jealous that this is normal life for them. Leah keeps looking at me funny and Sam keeps touching me which I guess he usually does but it feels weird now that I've just spent the last week screwing his dad. I'm not sure I can keep this secret but I don't want to hurt him.

We're sitting on the couch and he wraps he's arms around and I suddenly can't breathe. I get up and walk outside and I think how they are all going to come running after me and I don't have answers.

Only Leah comes out and I know Sam and Jake are going to be even more suspicious. Usually Jake does the heartfelt talks and emotional stuff.

"You know if Sam finds out it'll kill him and then he's going to kill Josh along with his mom and your dad and Jake and probably my mom too. This isn't really your fault and it sucks that it happened but you have to get over it." She says a little harshly, this is why Jake usually does this.

"How did you stop them from coming to get me?" I ask her curiously.

"I made Sam feel like it's his fault because he was being too touchy and I threatened Jake." Great, I have a feeling this is going to be a long week.

"Sam didn't do anything Leah; he was no different than he ever is. Half the time I stay I end up sleeping in his bed. Now he's going to be weird all week." I whine.

"Yeah it's Sam we have to worry about being weird." She says rolling her eyes.

Once we go back in I sit with Sam and tell him Leah was wrong, I was just thinking about Josh and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone.

"Bella I can tell you really like him, maybe you should call him, give it another chance. You can slow things down without ending it completely." Sam says and I want to scream he's your father! But instead I just give him a sad smile and say yeah maybe I will. After the last movie is over Jake and Leah leave and Sam and I clean up and head to bed. I end up sleeping in his bed because I don't want him to think things are weird with me.

After I'm sure he's asleep I cry myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella's POV

I wake up early, it's hard to break the early morning schedule, and detangle myself from Sam's arms. Yeah not weird at all I think. I'm making breakfast when I see Jake walk up to the door, I open it before he can knock and wake Sam up.

"Why are you here so early?" I ask him as walks in.

"I want to know what last night was about; I know it wasn't Sam touching you. Sam always touches you and it has never bothered you and Leah doesn't lie, ever. So whatever this is it's big. And since you're not telling Sam it's huge. But come on, he's your best friend and you're acting really weird. So just tell me. Oh you like him don't you?" I roll my eyes at him.

"Just because you and Leah didn't know you loved each other when everyone else in the world did doesn't mean I love Sam you idiot. Look, I know you don't like me keeping secrets and Sam doesn't either but this is just better kept to me and Leah." I tell him. I have way too many over-protective men in my life.

"So what's the plan for today?" He asks thankfully changing the subject.

"I thought the plan for the whole week is the beach. Sam took off the whole week and Leah said you both took off a couple of days each right?" He says yep. "And I have to see dad and Alison and Sue and your dad so that's about it." I tell him.

"Let's have a party at my house one night, then we can invite everyone and you can see them all in one night." He suggests and I tell him that sounds awesome! Less personal time, less time to ask annoying questions. Like how is your love life? When are you going to make me grandbabies? When are you going to marry Sam? OK so she's never actually asked but I can see it in her eyes.

The answer would be sucky, probably never unless you count Wendy and not going to happen. I'm sure she would stop asking if I told her I've had sex with Sam's father. And at that thought I burst into tears.

"Damn Bella I get you just dumped this guy but you knew him for a week." Jake looks at me like I'm crazy.

"I could have loved him Jake." It's hard to explain but it's all I have.

"So then why?" He asks confused.

"He wasn't someone I needed to love." He gets annoyed with my vagueness and eats breakfast in silence. Sam wakes up and Jake leaves to go to work.

"So about last night, it wasn't you at all. Leah lies." I tell him.

"Except she doesn't because she sucks at it, I knew she was lying so what's really going on?" He asked and unlike Jake just being annoyed that he doesn't know Sam is actually concerned.

"It was just too much too fast. And well, he's a lot older and I don't think my dad would approve and um…"

"I get it Bella; just know that when you're ready to tell me what happened I'm here. Go get ready, I'll clean up." He kisses me on the forehead and pushes me towards my room.

I change into my swimsuit and put shorts on over it, then pack some towels and sunblock and an extra set of clothes. Then I walk back into the kitchen to pack some lunch and snacks.

Sam gets ready and we go to the beach. I miss the beach even if I am here almost every weekend. The four of us used to spend almost day here, even when the water was too cold we would just hang out on the beach.

Sam and I spend the whole day swimming and lying in the sun, I take a nap curled up next to him and think how much I miss them, miss him, miss home.

"I think I'm going to try to find a job closer to home." I tell him after I fully wake up and he smiles and says he'll let me know if he hears about anything.

And that's pretty much how the week goes, beach all day, movies at night.

Friday night Jake throws my party and my dad and Sue and Alison are all there asking the required embarrassing questions. It's been one week since I found out about Josh and I feel like I might be OK.

Saturday comes and I dread leaving tomorrow. I dread going back to my too small apartment and only having Wendy there. I dread going back to my job and constantly running the kids from activity to activity. But most of all I dread seeing Josh every week at Kyle's karate practice.

I have Jake and Leah half convinced I'm fine, Sam knows I'm not but he doesn't say anything.

Sunday comes and Sam and I spend the morning at the beach then after lunch I head home.

After unpacking and setting up Wendy's things I turn on TV and watch reruns of Criminal Minds while I go over the schedule for the week.

After two Criminal Minds I get freaked out and call Sam. He laughs and threatens to break my TV.

We talk until I'm ready to fall asleep.

I miss home already.


	5. Chapter 5

Bella's POV

I wake up Monday morning still dreading this whole week. I check my phone and I have a text from Sam telling me to have a good day, and miss you. I text him back you too.

I take a long hot shower, eat a quick breakfast then go to work. The kids are super excited to see me and I realize I actually did miss them too.

I take Anna to school and then Kyle to his piano lesson, after Anna gets out of school they both have art. Poor Kyle has something every day.

Sam calls me and tells me that the elementary school in Forks is hiring a kindergarten teacher, the last one got really sick and had to quit suddenly.

Bad for her but potentially awesome for me! He gives me the # and I call during Kyle's nap.

I'm asked to fax a resume so I do that too and an hour later she calls to offer me an interview Friday afternoon, I tell her yes I will be there and then hope I can get off early. I need an excuse; I don't want the people I work for to know I have an interview.

When she gets home that afternoon I ask her if I can leave early Friday and she agrees without a reason. Awesome. I feel really good about this.

The rest of the week passes in an equal amount of dread and excitement. It's a strange feeling.

I pack all my bags Thursday night so I can leave straight from work on Friday, my dad lives 5 minutes from the school so I will change there. Wendy is fine over the weekend by herself.

Friday morning I freak out a little about what to wear. I want my outfit to say I don't care that I have to see you every week because I am fine.

Once I get to work I drop Anna off and Kyle and I head to the studio. I can't even walk slowly because Kyle takes off running. I feel like I'm going to puke.

As soon as I walk through the door our eyes meet before I quickly look away. Once the class starts I focus on my phone texting Sam and Leah and checking email.

When the class is over and Kyle is talking to one of his friends Josh comes up to me.

"How was your week off Bella?" He asks as if we talk all the time.

"You mean my week with your son that you abandoned when he was 4? If you mean that week it was awesome." A few of the moms and other nannies look up at this point and I almost feel bad.

"Bella I'm so sorry but it was a long time ago, if I thought I could make things right I would but Sam is grown now. He doesn't need me anymore." He tells me.

"It doesn't matter Josh. I felt more for you in a week than I ever have for anyone I've ever been with. So why would I continue on with this when in the end you'll only hurt me?"

"How would I hurt you?" He asks.

"I want kids! I'm not going to have kids with a man that walked out on his son! I have to go, please don't talk to me next week, it's not like coming here is my choice."

"I regret walking away from Sam and Ali every day of my life Bella; I would never do that again." He looks hurt but I don't care, at least I tell myself I don't.

"I'm sorry Josh but like I told you before, you did to him what my mother did to me. I would never forgive her so how would it be right to let you in my life? I love Sam, he is my best friend. He has been there for me my whole life. I talk to him every night; I miss him so much when I'm here. So how when he is such a huge part of my life would I be like oh by the way I'm screwing your long lost _**father?**_ I'm sure he would take that well. You are not, and will not be a part of my life. Please stop trying because it hurts Josh. It hurts having to tell you no."

"I'm sorry; I won't speak to you more than I have to." He tells me and I tell him thank you, get Kyle and leave.

Soon after I get Kyle down for his nap his mom comes home and I head home.

On the drive there I think about how desperately I need this job. I need Sam and Leah and Jake and I need to not see Josh every Friday. I need my family and I need to leave Josh far in the past.

I get to my dad's house, take a shower and get ready then call Sam before I have to leave for my interview.

Suddenly something Jake said last time I was here hits me. He thought I was freaking out because I decided I like Sam but I told him I don't. Then I told Josh I loved Sam and I do. I love him but I don't like him like that. He's like a big brother but then again he isn't. Because no one talks to their big brother as much as I talk to Sam and they sure as hell don't sleep in their bed with them.

To anyone on the outside of our group and our family it would look like we were a couple I guess. But that's crazy isn't it? There is no way I am in love with Sam.

I walk in and ask for the principle doing the interview. I get led to an empty classroom and wait.

She comes in and as nervous as I am she's surprisingly easy to talk to. She asks all the normal questions about college and job experience and questions about handling large groups of children. Then we talk about how I grew up in Forks and La Push and I only left because I couldn't find a job here.

"Well then Bella, I would like to offer you the job. When can you start?" She asks and I stare at her for a minute before I snap out of it and tell her two weeks. I need to give them time to find a new nanny.

"Are you OK Bella? You do want this job right?" She asks and I'm confused.

"Yes of course I do."

"You just seem a little dazed." She says and I tell her I'm so sorry I just wasn't expecting to leave with a job. I was expecting to hear back sometime next week but I definitely want the job.

"I like your passion when you talk about kids and I like the fact that you have ties to Forks. You'll be great for the school. Let's go ahead and fill out the paperwork and I will see you two Mondays from now." She smiles and hands me the packet of papers.

I leave and stop by my dad's house to see if he's home.

"Hey dad." I say as I walk in, he frowns. Love you too I think.

"Hey is everything OK?" He asks concerned.

"Um yeah why?"

"Well I know you come down every weekend but you don't usually come here to see me." He explains and I feel like shit. "Are you and Sam fighting? I know he loves you."

"Dad! It's not like that with Sam." I yell at him. "I had an interview at Forks Elementary, I got the job. Wanted to tell you. So go me. I don't fight with Sam because we're not a couple!"

"Bella calm down. I know you and Sam are not a couple. Why do you think I don't give you crap about spending all your time here with him? But he does love you and you love him and people that love each other fight." He's talking to me like slow like you do an out of control child.

"I slept with Josh Uley." I blurt out and then immediately regret it. I don't even know if my dad knows I'm not a virgin. So from not a virgin to screwing a man a year older than him might actually kill him.

"Why Bella?" He asks calmly.

So I tell him the whole story from the instant connection to me asking him to never talk to me again.

"Oh honey I'm so sorry. It's good that you got the job here though. Where are you going to live?" He asks completely changing the subject.

"I don't really know yet, can I stay here for a couple of weeks until I can find a place?" I ask him knowing I can.

"Of course you can but you know as well as I do that you're going to end up moving in with Sam." Ha. He's probably right.

I hug him good bye and then head to Sam's office since I'm earlier than normal.

"Hey how did the interview go?" He asks as I walk in.

I tell him he got the job and he smiles and says we'll go out tonight to celebrate to which I tell him I don't want to go out, I just want to hang out at the house like we always do. He laughs and tells me I'm boring.

"But you love me anyways." I tell him and he kisses my forehead and gives me the key to his house.

Once I get there I call Jake to see if he and Leah are coming over and to tell them about my new job.

I lay down on the couch to watch TV and wait for Sam and wake up to Sam running his fingers through my hair. Holy crap it feels good.

"Don't stop." I mumble and he chuckles.

"I brought burgers from the diner, get up and eat so Jake doesn't steal your food." Aggh, damn Jake, he would do that.

So I slowly get up, stretch and eat while we talk about my week and my new job and Josh. I feel so bad talking to him about Josh but he asked and I don't want to seem weird or suspicious.

"So you're going to move in here right? You and your damn cat."

"If you don't mind, just until I can find my own place." I tell him.

"Of course I don't mind, and you're not going to look for a place for a while, you would just end up here most of the time anyway." He's right just like my dad.

"You'll be happier here right Bella, away from Josh?" He asks and I tell him yes wishing it was true.

We both know I'm lying.


	6. Chapter 6

Bella's POV

I give my notice Monday morning and while their mom is sad that I'm leaving she understands that I belong in La Push with my family and friends. She luckily even has a replacement nanny in mind, the recently graduated from high school daughter of a friend. She's going to call her and if she wants to job I can show her the routine and everything and let the kids get used to her.

She accepts the job and on Tuesday she comes to learn everything and she stays with me for the whole week. This is actually going to be my last week but they are going to pay for next week too, it's just that Haley really wanted to get paid for next week too and they don't need both of us.

Friday is not nearly as bad as the last Friday with Haley there, she happily introduces herself as Kyle's new nanny and Josh looks at me with a questioning look but I ignore him.

After class he asks me if I'm quitting because of him and I tell him no, he's not that big of an influence in my life. I walk outside while Haley gets Kyle ready to go.

"I don't know the situation honey but that man in there, he loves you. He looks at you in a way most woman dream of." Some random grandmotherly type woman tells me.

"Ha, the thing is I do dream about it, I dream about him. But love isn't always enough is it?" I ask her because honestly I can't talk to anyone else about this.

"What did he do?" She asks and I tell her the whole story while her, I assume, granddaughter runs up and down the sidewalk.

"I can't say forgive him because I'm not you but I can tell you he would never walk out on you like that. He was young, younger than you are now. People change, do you think you'll be the same person you are when you're his age?" No I guess not I tell her but isn't he too old for me? "Age is usually the least important thing." She offers.

"Well then, what about Sam?" I ask her.

"You have to decide that for yourself. Good luck in your new job." She says and I tell her thanks. Haley and Kyle come out and we go home.

After we pick Anna up from school I tell them both good bye and that I will miss them. I leave Sam's address just in case they ever need it. I hug them both and try not to cry as I drive away. I'm glad they have Haley.

I go home and go to bed early because I'm moving everything tomorrow with Sam and Jake and my dad's help. My dad is bringing a truck and Sam and Jake are coming in one and I'll have my car so we're hoping to get it all in one trip.

Early the next morning I wake up, eat breakfast and then watch TV until they show up. Everything is already packed; I started packing as soon as I was back two weeks ago.

Finally they knock on my door and we put everything in the trucks, I already packed my car too and we head home. Good bye Josh.

We spend the rest of the weekend unpacking my stuff at Sam's house, my house now. Sunday night we're watching Criminal Minds and Sam laughs at me every time I jump. I smack him every time he laughs at me.

I fall asleep on the couch and wake up in his bed. I get up and get ready for my first day as a kindergarten teacher. Sam and I eat breakfast together then he kisses me on the forehead and I leave.

As far as first days go, it's pretty good. The kids are wild but I know they are testing their limits with me because I'm new. All of the other teachers are very friendly and I know this is the right job for me.

The rest of the week goes by quickly and drama free and finally it is Friday. Once I sit in my car I check my phone. I have a text from Sam saying he'll pick up dinner, it's just us tonight. Leah and Jake are going out. I have a text from Jake telling me he's going out with Leah tonight. And finally I have a text from Haley saying she gave the karate instructor my address because he needed to mail me a check for an overpayment or something, she wasn't really paying attention.

She's also an idiot; the checks are always written by Kyle's mom not me. Damn barely out of high school stupid teenagers!

I don't know what to do. Do I call him and tell him whatever he wanted the address for forget about it or do I pretend I don't know? Maybe his plan was for her to tell me and me to freak out and call me.

I decide to ignore it and for months it seems to be the right choice.

Sam and I fall into an easy routine of living together. I love my job; I'm closer to my dad than I have been in years. Everything seems to be going great. Until one day Leah drags me to the drug store with her because she needs tampons and I realize I haven't needed them since I've moved. Three months ago. So while she's getting those I'm getting a pregnancy test, I try to hide it but she sees it flips out and drags me to her house, luckily Jake is at work.

10 minutes later we're both flipping out.

"Bella please tell me you're screwing Sam?" She begs me and the sad thing is she's serious. And the sadder thing is I wish I could tell her yes.

I'm so screwed.


	7. Chapter 7

Jake's POV

Leah just called me telling me I need to leave work right now because Bella is crying and she won't stop. I tell her to call Sam, I love Bella but Sam is her best friend. Leah says she can't call Sam so I tell her fine I will be there in 30 minutes. As soon as I walk into her house, Leah runs out making some lame excuse about needing to get stuff for dinner, neither of us cook. Leah does not do emotions, I'm a little afraid for our hopefully future kids. Maybe we'll have boys, or maybe Bella can do the emotion thing with them if they are girls.

I sit next to Bella on the couch and ask her what's wrong.

"I'm pregnant." She sobs. Was not expecting that.

"Is the baby Sam's?" I ask her not understanding why Leah called me and not Sam.

"No! The baby is Sam's half-brother or sister!" She starts crying even harder.

Well shit. That explains a lot. It explains the secrecy and why she broke it off with a man she's clearly in love with.

"When did you find out who he was?" I ask her and she tells me the Friday before she came down here on her vacation, she ended it as soon as she found out. "Then just tell Sam, he won't be mad at you and it's going to kill you to try to keep this secret especially since you'll have to lie to him."

"What he hates me or the baby or what if he tries to kill Josh?" She asks.

"He could never hate you and I'm pretty sure he couldn't hate your baby. And I don't think he'll try to kill Josh but no promises there. Sam loves you Bella, telling him is the best thing." I try to convince her.

"I'm never going to talk to you again if you're wrong." She whispers. She won't either. Sam is the most important person in the world to her and her to him. Even though I don't think they are in love with each other I do think their close friendship is the reason most of their relationships don't work out.

"I'll take you home; do you want me to stay with you while you tell him?" I ask her as I help her up off the couch.

"No, I can do it alone. Thanks Jake." She hugs me and I take her home.

Sam is home when we get there and I drop her off telling her one more time everything is going to be OK.

Sam's POV

I see Jake drop Bella off and her shake her head yes at something he says. She looks upset and when she walks into the house I can tell she's been crying.

"What's wrong Bella?" I ask her and she starts crying again, damn Jake. I don't know why he left, actually she probably told him too.

"I'm pregnant." She manages to tell me through her crying.

Oh crap. It has to be this Josh dude's baby. Bella doesn't sleep around, I mean a week was pretty quick for her but it's always with guys she's serious about. And she tells me everything except for why she broke things off with him.

I'm trying to calm her down but she eventually just cries herself to sleep. I make dinner while she's sleeping hoping she'll eat and then finally talk to me about what happened between her and Josh.

She does wake up and eat but all she'll say is she's going to raise this baby alone; Josh cannot and will not be a part of our lives. She says ours like I matter in this just as much as she does.

"Bella we both know it sucked only having one parent growing up. We were both taken care of but it's still hard, and the wondering about why they left and what they're doing now. Don't you ever wonder if you have brothers or sisters out there? It's really not fair to not even give your baby the chance of having his dad even if you can't work things out with him." I try to convince her, I do not understand this at all. We both hated growing up without my dad and her mom.

"I'll tell you the reason I broke it off with him and if you still feel like that then I will tell him but you have to understand I didn't know and as soon as I found out that's when I broke it off. Promise me you won't hate me." She demands.

"I could never hate you Bella." I promise.

"Josh the man I spend that week with, is Josh your father." She whispers.

I'm in shock obviously and I'm just sitting here staring at her and she starts crying again and I realize she thinks I do hate her. As if I could ever hate her.

"Bella I'm not mad at you." I tell her taking her into my arms and running my fingers through her hair.

"Do you still want me to tell him?" She asks.

"Yeah I'm going to have to think about that one but really it's your choice and as much as I don't want him back in my life I will support you no matter what." I tell her and I mean it, no matter how hard it would be.

"I don't think I could let him be a part of this baby's life and not want to be with him." She tells me.

"You love him Bella. If you want to be with him I will support you. I'm not saying we'll all be one happy family or anything like that but I will never abandon you. Um, but maybe you should talk to my mom about all this." My mom is like a mom to Bella, she loves Sue too but she's much closer to my mom.

"Let me decide what to do first, there is no point in telling her if I decide not to tell him right?" She asks and I agree with her even though I know she wants to tell him and see him and if she doesn't it's only because of me and my mom.

Suddenly I'm thinking about how messed up it's going to be they do get together and married. Bella would be my step mom even though she's three years younger than me and she sleeps in my bed.

She should probably stop sleeping in my bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Josh's POV

I miss Bella so much and I have her address, the new nanny gave it to me happily, she doesn't seem to be all that smart. She is just a teenager though.

I have her address but I didn't really have any plans for it. I just wanted to know where she was going. I should've known she was going to La Push, to Sam and all her other friends and family.

I kind of hoped one she had some distance from me she would decide to come back. She didn't. I ask Haley about her occasionally and it turns out Bella keeps in touch with Kyle's mom.

So this morning after class I ask Haley about her and she tells me she's doing great, she's pregnant and everything. Oh really, when is she due? I ask her trying to sound casual about it and she tells me she's not sure, she's thinks she's like 4 month along or something.

The baby has to be mine. And if she's already 4 months along I assume she has no intentions of telling me. I can't really say I blame her, no matter how good the week we had together was all she can see is I walked out on Ali and Sam and she's not going to give me the chance to make the same mistake.

If she's not going to come to me I decide I will go to her and I'm glad I have the address. After my last class of the day I head straight to La Push. I haven't been here since I left all those years ago. I type the address into my GPS and when I get there I get out of my truck and knock on the door before I change my mind.

A man answers and I realize I didn't really think this through. I really should have considered the fact that maybe she didn't live alone and then I realize she most likely lives with Sam.

This is Sam.

"Can I help you?" He asks.

"I'm here to see Bella." Is all I can think of, he thankfully doesn't seem to know who I am.

"She's not here. What's your name? I'll tell her you stopped by." He tells me looking at me funny. Maybe he does know who I am.

"Never mind, do you know when she'll be home?" I ask him and that seems to be the confirmation he needs.

"Did you know she's pregnant?" He asks and I tell him yes, her replacement nanny told me. "Well she hasn't decided if she wants you in the baby's life or not. So I will tell her you stopped by but please don't come back. She's super sensitive right now, and you don't need to be here. Only me and Jake and Leah and her dad know the truth about the baby. She hasn't told my mom yet because she doesn't want to hurt her. She's torn between what she feels for you and what's right in her mind. Her mom and you committed the ultimate wrong in her eyes. I'm taking care of her."

"Sam, I am so sorry for leaving you and your mom but I was a different person then. I need to see her, to tell her I want to be a part of this baby's life. I want to be with her but if not than I at least want to be involved with the baby. So you know what I'll leave but please just tell her that." I don't want to piss him off, I have a feeling he plays a big part in all of Bella's decisions.

He's listening to me but he's looking behind him.

"What the hell are you doing here Josh?"

Ali. She walks up to me with Bella right behind her and slaps me. I deserved that. I start to talk but Bella glares at me telling me to shut up.

"He's here because of me Alison." She says softly and I feel like crap. She kept this from her because she didn't want to hurt her, finding out like this isn't going to help.

"I don't understand Bella." Ali tells her.

"He's the guy. From the city. I didn't know and when I did, I broke it off. I am so sorry Alison." She's crying and Sam walks to her and pulls her into him and she relaxes a little.

Ali asks Sam if he knew and he tells her yes but only after she found out she was pregnant. Ali slaps me again. I still deserved it.

"You need to leave Josh." Ali tells me.

"Actually, I think…" She stops and looks at Sam and he shakes his head yes. I knew I was right in not pissing him off. "I think I need to talk to him Alison, please don't hate me."

Ali hugs her and tells her it's not her she hates. She leaves after telling me Charlie is still a cop and Sam tells Bella he's not leaving her alone with me but he'll go upstairs, just yell if she needs him.

"You know I didn't know who you were either?" I ask her.

"You really think it's the same?" She asks and I tell her no but everyone acts like I took advantage of her. "No one thinks that, except maybe Alison, that was never the issue. The age thing isn't even the issue. The fact that you're a shitty father to my best friend is the issue." She reaches into her bag and pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to me. "It's a boy. Only Alison knows since she was there so yeah. Sam says he'll raise the baby as his own if I want him too."

"Is that what you want?" I ask her really hoping for a no.

"What I want is to not be pregnant with your baby. But no I don't want Sam to raise it as his own, he deserves to live his own life and not be held back by my mistakes."

I don't think Sam sees it like that from the way he looks at her.

"I love you Bella."

"Like you loved Alison and Sam?" She asks and I don't know what to say. I loved Sam more than myself, I still do. I was just selfish. But I love Bella more than I ever loved Ali.

"I love you more than I thought I could love a woman and I can love this baby. Just give me the chance Bella please. I'll move here, I'll give up my studio, I will do anything for you." I plead with her.

"Then please just leave. I won't deny my son his father if you really want to be involved but that doesn't mean I have to be with you. I will call you with updates and I don't even mind if you come to appointments if you can. Just understand that's it. Now please go." She's trying to sound strong but I know she's going to fall apart.

"I would really like to talk to Sam first." I tell her and she says fine, she will go get him.

He comes down after a few minutes and asks what I want.

"I want to tell you I'm sorry for walking out on you and your mom again. I was selfish and I've regretted it every day of my life." I tell him honestly.

"Why didn't you come back?" He asks and I tell him I thought they were better off without me. He tells me I'm probably right.

"Can you forgive me? I'm not even asking to be part of your life. Can you just forgive me?" I ask him.

"If Bella can forgive you I will try. Even if she's having your baby and she loves you, she still sees her mother in you. And if you're part of her life, you will be a part of my life. But if you hurt her or the baby I will kill you. And that's not a figure of speech, her dad is cop, I'm sure he'll help me cover my tracks."

I don't doubt it.


	9. Chapter 9

Bella's POV

After the secret is out to Alison everyone else finds out and they seem to take sides on what I should do. Crazy thing how I thought I was the one that got to make decisions about my own life and I already decided he can be a part of the baby's life but I will not be with him. Sam and Jake are the only ones that say they will support me no matter what and never offer their opinion.

Sam did decide to give Josh a second chance and they have been working on their relationship. I was mad at first because Sam and I were always together in hating both his dad and my mom and while I realize I am the one that slept with him and got pregnant I didn't know who he was. Jake was the one that finally convinced me that Sam should be able to know his father if he wants, he would do anything to have more time with his mom.

Leah says I'm stupid to even let him in the baby's life when he's clearly just going to leave. Alison says she refuses to be a part of any event in the baby's life that Josh is a part of. Charlie says Josh wasn't the only one to blame for his walking out, Alison was a big part of it and while he wants to kill Josh for getting his 25 year old daughter pregnant, he didn't know who I was and he deserves a second chance. Sue says I need to talk to my own mother to find closure so that I can look at Josh as an actual person and not just the man that left Sam.

While I completely disagree Sam and my dad thought it was a great idea which is why Sam and I are currently on a 5 hour trip to see her. I thought we should call but Sam was thought it would be better in person.

In the car we're talking about how things are going to work with the baby because I'm not letting Josh take my newborn baby 3 hours away when Sam informs me that Josh sold his house and his studio and he already bought a new studio in Forks, now he's just looking for a new house.

"Wow, isn't it weird him being back in your life after all this time?" I ask him.

"Kind of but I get that he was young and a completely different person and my mom was a pretty crappy wife. Not that it makes it right to just walk out on us but he regrets it. I forgive him Bella and I'm really hoping you can forgive both of them." He tells me seriously.

"And then what? Marry him and be your stepmom?" I snap.

"I think we could pretend it doesn't work like that and I'm not even trying to talk you into a relationship with him. I just want you to not hate him because he wants to be in this kid's life and it would be easier if you didn't hate him."

"I only half hate him." I tell him and he says but you don't have to. For him or for me.

Then we talk about his mom and how far she'll go in refusing to ever be around Josh because that's really going to suck. Like at the hospital, I want to Josh to be there if he wants to be but I always thought Alison would be the one in the room with me. Now I'm thinking it's going to be Sue.

I never realized how stubborn Alison was but according to my dad and Sue she was always like that, she's just always been on my side. Sue even says that Alison got pregnant knowing Josh didn't want kids yet because she was jealous and afraid of him leaving but then she left Sam whenever possible to drink with Sarah. Sam thinks she'll come around but I don't know. I hope she does.

After a 5 hour trip that seems way too quick we pull into her driveway.

"Sam I can't do this, we should have called." I am completely freaking out.

He doesn't listen, instead getting out of the car, pulling me out and dragging me to the front door and ringing the doorbell.

A woman who looks a lot like me answers the door.

"Mom?" I whisper.

She stares at me for a minute and then lets us in.

"Why are you here Bella?" She doesn't waste any time in asking.

"Short version, I was forced. I need to know why you left me. I was just a baby, I needed you." I'm crying and I am so pissed off. I was going to be cold and emotional and everything I've been to Josh but I can't do it. Because this is my mom. I realize then that they are definitely not the same person.

"You didn't need me; you needed someone who wanted you. You and your father were the biggest mistakes of my life. I had to quit school because of you and I was stuck in that awful small town with all the woman who were perfectly happy to have no goals besides kids. I'm sorry your father convinced me to go through with the pregnancy but I can't be sorry I left. It was the best decision for everyone." She on the other hand has cold and emotional down well.

"Did you even love me at all?" I ask her quietly.

"Honestly no, I couldn't love you after all you took from me." She tells me and I feel Sam put his arms around me.

"Let's just go Bella." He tells me.

"Yes, you need to go. My husband and daughter will be home soon and they don't know about you, I would like to keep it that way. I'm sorry if this wasn't what you were hoping for but I have everything I couldn't have with and your father in that suffocating little town. Good bye."

Sam glares at her and somehow gets me into the car and starts driving. I don't know how long we're driving when he finally just says Bella.

"She hated me and now I'm just something bad that happened to her." I tell him as if he wasn't there for the whole thing.

"I am so sorry Bella." He tells me.

"Why, isn't this exactly what you wanted? To make me see that her and Josh are not that same. Josh regrets leaving you and your mom. My mom says it's the best thing that ever happened to her. And she has a daughter. I have a sister that I will never know because my mom hates me. No, she's not my mom. Sue is my mom, from this moment forward I claim Sue as my mom. She's going to end up with Charlie anyways. My mom hates me and your mom hates me so Sue is now my mom. I'm exhausted Sam, I'm just going to sleep OK?"

"Bella I didn't want it to happen like this at all. I wanted you to have closure, that's all." He sounds hurt but I didn't really mean it in a mean way I don't think.

"Just take me home please." He sighs but doesn't try to talk to me. I spent the rest of the trip crying myself into a fitful sleep, waking up and starting all over again.

"Bella wake up." Sam shakes me softly awake.

"We're home?" I mumble.

"Not exactly." He sounds guilty, so much so that I realize it even half asleep. I force my eyes open.

"Are you serious Sam?" He brought me to Josh's house, stupid asshole!

"Bella honey it was 3 hours closer than home and you keep crying then sleeping then crying then sleeping and I figured you would sleep better in a bed." He really does look sorry.

"In Josh's bed?" I snap and he says probably, Josh said he'll sleep on the couch and Sam can have his bed or the extra bed and me the other, or since I'm a hysterical wreck we can sleep together.

"I'm really sorry." He tells me and I tell him fine, it's fine. It's not like I'm not having his freaking baby.

Sam knocks on his door and I puke all over the little plant sitting by the door just as Josh opens the door.

"I swear that was an accident." He laughs which should piss me off but I'm just relieved he's not upset over his poor stupid plant. We walk in and Sam leads me through the front room into the other room with the nice, comfy couch. I hope I don't puke on it too.

"You've been here." I accuse him.

"Once."

"He came for you Bella, to tell me if I was going to abandon the baby and you to just leave you alone now." I look at Sam and he says yep.

"You don't have me to abandon." I tell him. "Look thanks for letting us sleep here for the night but I'm really tired and really do just want to sleep so as much as I wish I could stay awake and be a part of this freak show, where am I sleeping?" I ask them both, I don't care who answers. I just need to be alone.

"Take my bed Bella, it's more comfortable than the guest room and the bathroom is right there so you don't have to puke all over my stuff." Josh tells me.

"It's your baby that's making me sick asshole." I snap at him, I see Sam mouth sorry to him and I want to say something but suddenly I am so tired I feel like I'm just going to fall over.

I wake up the next morning in Josh's bed.


	10. Chapter 10

Bella's POV

I wake up the next morning confused. Why am I in Josh's bed and where the hell is Sam? I get up and creep to the extra room and Sam is still asleep which means Josh is downstairs on the couch.

I'm starving; I don't think I've eaten since yesterday afternoon. I'm surprised the baby isn't kicking the crap out of me demanding food. Do I stay in the room until someone comes to find me, or wake Sam up or just go downstairs and make something to eat?

I decide to just go downstairs, it's not like I can avoid Josh forever. I walk quietly down the stairs and into the kitchen and discover this is absolutely nothing to make. Nothing, not even bread.

"You know I always order in or go out sweetheart, do you want me to go get you something?" Josh comes into the kitchen.

"Um, no it's fine. I'll just go wake Sam up and we can get something when we leave." I tell him and start to walk away but he grabs my hand. He hasn't touched me since the last time we kissed.

"Josh, don't." And he lets go.

"Bella, I want Sam in my life. I want you in my life too but you don't seem to want that but Sam does. But you have this hold on him; he'll go back to hating me if you ask him too. Can't we just try to be, I don't know, friends?" He asks and I laugh because it sounds so high school.

"I can't be friends with you; I can't be this close to you and not want to…" I stop talking before I say or do something stupid.

"Want to what Bella?"

"Kiss you, touch you, be with you." I whisper.

"You can do anything you want to me Bella."

"She hates me." I tell him.

"Who hates you sweetheart? Ali?" I figured Sam would have told him about yesterday but I guess not.

"Stop calling her that. Stop calling her Ali like she means something to you. I'm supposed to mean something to you! I don't mean anything to anyone. My mom hates me!" I yell at him then start crying.

"Bella you mean more to me in the little time I've known you than Ali ever did. I'm sorry Alison, I'll call her Alison, it's just I never called her that, to me Ali isn't special, it's just what I called her. And why do you think your mom hates you?"

"I went to see her, that's why we're here. We were there and she said me and my dad were the biggest mistakes she'd ever made and that she never loved me. She has a daughter; I have a sister I'll never know."

"I'm so sorry Bella. Is this my fault? Did you find her because of me?"

"In a way I guess. Sam and my dad and Sue thought I needed closure because I see her in you and I hate you even though I don't and everyone thinks I can't really hate you because you didn't do anything to me you left Sam not me but Sam is such a big part of me and I thought we were in it together and then he's all oh I love my dad but I still hated you. So he took me to see her and they're right, she's not you because you feel bad and you love him. She's happy without with and she never loved me." I'm going on and on and I don't even realize he's moving towards me until he's holding me and I'm crying into him. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to get so close to you."

"Once again sweetheart, you can do anything you want to me. I will be anything you want or need me to be. I don't care if you cry on me; I don't care if you hate me and scream at me, you can hit me if you want. Whatever makes you feel better. I am so sorry about your mom; she always was kind of a bitch. Always acted like she was better than Ali and, sorry Alison and Sue and Sarah."

"It's weird that you know my mom and I don't." He laughs and says a lot of this is weird.

"Please let me get you breakfast Bella, there is a place down the road that has anything imaginable for breakfast. I'll get Sam something too and then you can leave if you want." He's trying really hard to be nice so I'm about to tell him fine when Sam comes into the kitchen and kisses the top of my head and says good morning to Josh.

"The only thing she ever eats for breakfast is half a banana and blueberry yogurt with French vanilla coffee. She pretty much hates all the other poor breakfast foods." Sam tells him.

"I brought you pancakes that week." He tells me and I shrug and tell him I wasn't going to be rude but I threw most of them away when he walked away.

"She's very picky." Sam tells Josh and I tell him to shut up. "She likes pineapple and pepperoni pizza and orange chicken and anything chocolate. She likes salad made of only spinach leaves with cheese and ranch and gold fish though, that's pretty gross. And cheeseburgers but only the ones from the diner and pretty much anything covered in cheese. That's pretty much what she lives off of. She was a bit too spoiled as a child I think."

"Do you not know what shut up means?" I whine at him and he sticks his tongue out at me.

They both go to get breakfast while I take a shower and when I get out I realize I don't have any clothes unless I want to put on my dirty clothes so I scream for Sam and he brings me some of Josh's without even asking.

While it's annoying how well he knows me sometimes, most of the time it's really nice.

I get downstairs and Josh stares at me for a minute before he hands me my half of a banana and my blueberry yogurt.

"They had this at the place?" I ask Sam and he said no they went to the grocery store too. "Sam I'm sorry, you could've have gotten me anything, I would have eaten it. I don't mean to be so picky."

"Bella don't worry about it, you need to eat. You don't eat nearly enough, I wasn't going to get you something you weren't going to eat." Sam tells me and I feel bad, I don't mean to be picky and spoiled.

"Can I taste your eggs?" I ask Josh, I hate eggs but they smell amazing. He gives me a bite and they taste amazing. Stupid baby, messing with everything I know.

"Do you want them sweetheart?" He asks and I tell him no, I'm not going to steal his food. "Eat them." He pushes them at me.

"You barely ate." I push them back.

"I'm not pregnant, please Bella?" So I eat them.

"Bella can we stay here for a while today? Josh wants to show me a car he's been working on. Please?" Sam asks me and he looks so hopeful I tell him fine, he loves cars and I know he's happy to have Josh back in his life. Sam goes upstairs to take a shower.

"Thank you Bella, you can hang out and watch TV or break stuff, whatever you want." He jokes and I glare at him. I might break something, might be fun. "Sam got you salad stuff and cookies and ice cream and milk and some other stuff even though he wasn't sure you were going to want to stay." Josh tells me and I tell him yeah that sounds like Sam, always taking care of me. "I could take care of you sweetheart." He holds his hand out to me and I take it, he helps me up and then takes my other hand. "I could take care of you and this baby if you would only trust me. I know it's hard because I walked out on Sam and Alison and you have trust issues but I love you." He leans in to kiss me but I back away.

"If you want me to be around you for the sake of Sam and the baby, who I'm thinking about naming Jason by the way, then you can't be trying to kiss me."

"I'm sorry Bella, and I like Jason. I should go shower."

"Josh wait," He turns and I want so badly to hold him, kiss him but I don't. "When are you moving to Forks?" I ask instead, he tells me in two weeks and then leaves the kitchen so I go sit on the couch and cry until Sam comes downstairs.

"What did he do Bella? We can leave." Sam comforts me.

"He tried to kiss me, it's not a big deal. We don't have to leave. Go have fun with your stupid car obsession. I'm probably going to find some mind numbing movie on TV or something. We can't leave to late though, I have to make my plans for the week OK?" He says OK then goes outside. I turn the TV on and end up watching a Criminal Minds marathon all day.

Which is why when Josh comes into tell me they are going to pick up dinner I scream.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you sweetheart, I didn't realize you were so jumpy." He tells me and Sam comes in laughing, saying only when I watch this show.

I try to convince Sam we really need to go home and he convinces me we will leave right after dinner. They go pick up Chinese food and we watch one more episode of Criminal Minds. I am so not sleeping tonight.

Before we leave I tell Josh my next appointment is in two weeks, it's not a big deal, just routine stuff. I kind of feel bad he missed the ultrasound.

He hugs me goodbye and tells me if I need anything at all to please tell him.


	11. Chapter 11

Jake's POV

Sam asked me to figure out what's wrong with Bella, she's mopey and whiney and kind of mean and she won't talk to him. This is weird because two days ago she was happier than I've seen her in a while. I tell him it's probably just because of the baby but he practically begs me so after work I go see her.

She opens the door with a carton of ice cream and tears streaming down her face.

"Hey what's wrong Bella?" I ask her alarmed. I kind of thought Sam was being over dramatic like he has a tendency to do when it comes to her.

"Nothing Jake, I'm fine. I figure Sam sent you here, where is he?" She asks rubbing her eyes, trying to make the tears stop. I tell her yes he asked me to come and I'm not sure where he is, probably with Josh, that's where he spends most of his time when he's not at work or with her.

At the mention of Josh she starts crying harder. I move her out of the doorway and lead her to their couch and sit her down, take her ice cream and hold her while she sobs into me.

"Honey please tell me what's wrong? You were so happy Friday after your appointment." And then it clicks.

Josh goes to the appointments with her and that's the only contact she'll allow him to have with her. And when I told her Sam was probably with Josh she got even more upset. She wants to be with Josh.

"You can be with him you know? No one would be upset except Alison and she's being kind of a bitch lately anyways. Honey Sam doesn't care; your dad would even support you. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I ask her and she sits up and looks at me for a minute, I can tell she's trying to decide if she wants to tell me anything or just go on pretending she has no feelings for him, which no one believes.

"If I trust him, if I let him into my life and he leaves then that makes me stupid. Plus I think he will love Jason and not leave him, he wouldn't do that again because he regrets leaving Sam and he's trying to make that up to him but he might want to leave me and if he wants to leave me bad enough then maybe he will leave Jason and Sam and that would all be my fault. I can't take that chance." She has obviously been thinking about this for a while and in her mind it makes complete sense. I guess it does in a way but the way Sam talks about Josh I really think Josh has changed.

"First off if he leaves you and this baby I promise no one will think you're stupid, except maybe Leah but that's her issue not yours. Then I promise you one of us will hunt him down and kill him. But I don't think he will leave you or this baby or Sam. I'm not saying it would be easy and I'm not even saying that you two would be together forever. Life doesn't come with guarantees. But I really don't think he would ever walk out again." I hope I'm right because I don't want her to end up hating me but I want her to be happy and Josh obviously makes her happy.

"What if people really can't change?" She asks seriously, like I have all the answers. I do have one answer but it might break her. Is it worth it?

"Your mom really changed. She's happy now Bella and Josh is a far better person than her." Her eyes widen in shock that I actually used her mom in all this but then she hugs me and says she loves me.

"I love you too Bella, are you going to be OK?" I ask her cautiously.

"Yes Jake, I'm going to be fine. Thanks for coming and thanks for saying that. It never really clicked to me like that and Sam or anyone else would have never used that against me. I mean not against me that sounds wrong. But you're right, she's happy with a new family. I can be happy with a new family too. I can be happy with Josh. And if he ever does walk out on me and Sam and Jason it would be all on him right? I wouldn't be stupid or setting them up for heartbreak? I love all of them. I don't like choosing sides." She's talking as she's walking up the stairs and then changing clothes.

"Right Bella, if Josh ever walks out again it would all be on him. You're such a good person and you're going to be an amazing mom. Where are you going?" I ask her.

"To see Josh, you're right, I do want to be with him, I've wanted to be with him since I walked away from him after he told me who he was. I'm tired of waiting; I had myself so convinced he couldn't possibly have changed. Thank you Jake." She kisses my cheek and starts walking down stairs.

"Do want me to take you Bella?" She changed her mind about him so suddenly I'm afraid she's going to break down half way there or something.

"No, he'll just have to bring me back then." Yeah that actually makes sense. "I know I flipped sides like a crazy person Jake but I've wanted this for so long you all know knew it. I was just scared and you said exactly what I needed to hear. For so long all the bad about him and my mom made them the same person in my mind, I don't know why I never saw the good in them being the same, only Josh isn't like her because he loves Sam. Plus I was afraid everyone would think I'm stupid if he left even though really I've known all along you were on my side." She's actually making sense so I guess I'll let her go.

"You have work tomorrow Bella, take clothes because you're most likely not going to want to come back tonight, it's already 6." I tell her and she smiles and says thanks, that's a good idea.

We walk out together and she hugs me and tells me she loves me again.

I tell her I love her too then watch her drive off hoping this isn't some kind of mental breakdown and she's really going to kill Josh because her mom hates her or something.

Just in case, I call Sam to warn him she's on the way there but it turns out he's not there, he's with his mom trying to convince her to stop being a bitch to Bella.

Tonight is not going to help his case.


	12. Chapter 12

Josh's POV

It's Sunday night and I'm cleaning up the take out boxes from dinner. This weekend has been good, I'm glad I decided to move to Forks. Friday afternoon I went to Bella's appointment with her even though she insists I don't need to because they just measure and listen to the baby. It's the only time she lets me be with her so of course I'm going to go. I tried to convince her to let me take her out to dinner after but she says no. Yesterday I painted the room for the baby, Bella's decided on Jason for his name, and then this morning I put together all the furniture and put it in there. I know she's not due for another 3 months and I'm not even sure she'll let me keep him for a while but I want everything to be perfect for him still. I'm going to do everything right this time. Then this afternoon Sam came over to work on one of my cars before he left to see Alison to try and convince her to stop being a bitch to Bella. Alison is being stupid because if it comes down to Sam having to pick between the two he'd clearly pick Bella.

I'm almost done in the kitchen when my doorbell rings, I answer it and Bella is standing there crying.

"Come in sweetheart, what happened? Are you OK?" She just shakes her head yes.

"I'm so sorry." She finally manages to get out. What could she possibly be sorry about?

"For what Bella?"

"For being cold to you, for pretending I don't love you." She whispers.

I take her into my arms and tell her it's OK, she has nothing to be sorry for. She pulls back and I think she's going to distance herself like she always does but instead she whispers I want you Josh, I need you.

"I'm right here Bella." She throws herself back into my arms and then tilts her head back. I'm confused as hell because two nights ago she wouldn't even have dinner with me but I kiss her and this time she lets me, she kisses me back until she pulls back again.

"Promise me if things don't work out between us you'll never leave Sam or Jason."

"Sweetheart I promise I will never leave any of you." I tell him and she says no, promise me you'll never leave them no matter what happens between us.

"OK, I promise. Even if I did your dad or Sam or Jake or hell maybe even Sue would hunt me down and kill me." She smiles this sweet, innocent smile and says she'd help.

"Not that I'm not happy you're here what changed your mind Bella?" I ask him because I'm still confused.

"Jake. I was afraid that in the end no one really changes but he made me realize that my mom really did, she's happy now with her family. I want to be happy with you and Jason; I want you to be my family." Jake is the one that convinced her to not be mad at Sam for spending time with me too. If she has to spend all her time with boys I'm glad it's him and Sam. I know Sam loves her and Jake seems to as well.

"We could get married." I tell her suddenly and she looks at me like I'm nuts.

"I barely know you." She tells me.

"We could date?" I ask her and she says yeah that sounds a lot better.

"You could keep kissing me." So I do but then her phone rings, she looks at it and tells me it's Sam, give her a minute.

She comes back into the room and tells me Jake told Sam she was here and he was just checking on her.

"Is he OK with you being here?" I ask her, he seems to be on my side in this but it has to be weird for him.

"Yep. He's actually very happy which I find odd. I mean I'm his best friend and you're his dad. He's 3 years older than me and you're older than my dad. It's like a soap opera." She laughs.

"Alison used to watch that crap." I tell her and then think I shouldn't talk about Alison.

"I know, I used to watch them with her, every afternoon I was there. Sam hated it, he used to make fun of me but I made him sit and watch them but then he would force me to watch movies with lots of blood and violence but I secretly loved them. Isn't this weird? Me talking about growing up with Sam and the fact that Alison practically raised me?" She asks suddenly.

"Don't worry about it being weird sweetheart, I want to know you and growing up with Sam is a big part of you. Does the age difference between us bother you?" I ask her and she says no, if it was anyone else she wouldn't even think about it.

"Most of the time I still don't even think about it but then Sam comes or up or Alison, even though she hates me now, and I think about the fact that you knew me as a baby."

"You were an adorable baby." She laughs and says that's beyond weird.

"Can I see the rest of the house?" She asks changing the subject.

"Of course, come on?" I hold my hand out to her and she takes it.

I show her the whole house, leaving the baby's room for last. Finally we get there and she walks in, looks around and burst into tears.

"Hey what's wrong? Do you not like it?" I will change it if she hates it.

"No, I love it. It's beautiful. It's just you've done all this and I don't have anything for him! Not a single outfit or a bed or a car seat. Nothing! I'm so unprepared and I'm a terrible mother!" Damn, Sam told me she was moody but this is crazy.

"You're not a terrible mother and you have plenty of time to get all that stuff. Don't cry." I hate it when she cries.

"I'm going to go buy everything tomorrow after work." She tells me determined. I want to tell her not to because I'm hoping by time Jason is born she'll be living me but she's not so stable right now.

"How is it going to work with him anyways? I don't think you can have him for a long time without me. I want to breastfeed him so that has to be like every 3 hours or something. I don't really know. I'm really good with older kids, like my kindergarten kids but I don't know anything about babies. You know stuff about babies, I mean you didn't walk out on Sam until he was older, by that age I'll be good. Oh but you worked all the time so you still weren't really there plus that was like forever ago. I don't want to do this, I can't have this baby." She's in full freak out mode now and I don't have a clue what to do.

"Bella please calm down, breathe sweetheart just breathe." I get her out of the baby's room into my room and on the bed. She curls up and cries.

"Lay with me." She sobs so I lay with her until she falls asleep. Apparently that's how she copes, she cries herself to sleep a lot according to Sam.

This is not going to be easy at all but she's worth it even if she is a complete nutcase…

I call Sam and ask her to bring her clothes for the morning so I don't have to wake her up and he says she brought clothes with her. Good to know she wanted to stay. He tells me that when she cries herself to sleep she's out for hours at the very least, possibly all night and I should go get to the store to get her breakfast for the morning. It will make her happy and put her in a better mood for the whole day.

It might be weird her being so close to Sam but it works out well for me, he knows everything about her and he's more than willing to share the information. I go to the store to get her breakfast and debate whether or not I should get anything else for her but I don't because I don't want to push her.

"She's spending the night with you?" Charlie asks as he comes around the corner into my aisle when he sees what I'm buying.

"Um yeah she came over and then cried herself to sleep." I haven't talked to Charlie since I've been back, we used to be friends but he can't be too happy I got his little girl pregnant, even without me being who I am.

"What did you do to her?" He asks.

"She came over saying she wanted to be with me as long as I could promise that no matter happened between us I would never leave Sam or Jason." He looks confused. "The baby, she named him Jason." He says OK, she didn't tell him that. "I promised I would never leave them or her but she made me still promise that no matter what happened between us I wouldn't leave them so I did and then we were talking about her growing up with Sam and Alison and it weirds her out, she won't admit it but it does so she asks to see the rest of the house, I show her Jason's room last and she starts crying because she doesn't have anything for him yet and then she's saying she can't do this, she doesn't know how to do this. Then she cried herself to sleep on my bed." I tell Charlie the whole story and he stares at me then sighs.

"So you're with her now?" He asks finally.

"Unless she changes her mind. I'm sorry but I love her."

"I know you do, you wouldn't have come here to find her and given up your life in the city for a place where no one really trusts you otherwise. But if you hurt her or Sam or the baby I will kill you." He tells me dead serious.

"You would have to get to me before everyone else." I joke.

"Nah Sam and Jake are smart enough to come to me to make sure I'm going to help them cover it up. There is always Sue though. Bella loves you, she's been miserable. If you make her happy then I'm on your side. Alison is making things worse. She's going to lose Sam over it too." He tells me and I agree with him. "Good luck with her, she was a handful before she got pregnant, if you can make it through this you should be fine. She's spoiled as hell, Sam and Jake and Alison and Sue always gave into her every demand. Sam and Jake still do. Bring her to my house on Saturday for dinner." He tells me and I tell him if she wakes up still talking to me then we will there.

He laughs and says he's hope she is still talking to me.


	13. Chapter 13

Bella's POV

I wake up in Josh's bed and try to remember what happened the night before. I have to stop crying myself to sleep, that was so not how I wanted to spend the evening with Josh.

It was because of the baby room. It's beautiful and I felt bad that he's done so much and I've done nothing. Honestly I'm not ever sure what I need to do. I know he needs a place to sleep and a car seat and some clothes. Is that it? I'm in way over my head. Oh and I accused Josh of not being involved with Sam even as a baby. He probably hates me now. That's why he didn't even sleep with in here with me last night. I screwed up everything in less than a day.

I get up to find my phone; it's on the night stand. He must have put it there; I look at the time and see it's only 4 in the morning. I don't have to be awake for another hour but if I go back to sleep now I'll wake up feeling like crap. I'm starving but I'm sure he doesn't have any food here. What kind of person doesn't keep any food in the house? I get up to take a shower, I'll have to stop and get breakfast on the way to work. I walk into the living room and Josh is sleeping on the couch. I try to open the door as quietly as possible but he wakes up.

"Hey sweetheart, did you sleep good?" He asks.

"Just fine thank you. I'm sorry about last night, I'm just going to take a shower and go if that's OK." I tell him.

"Bella it's 4 in the morning, you don't have to be to work for 3 hours, what's wrong?" He asks concerned.

"I went crazy last night and I was so mean to you." I tell him confused.

"Bella you were just emotional, it's OK and you weren't mean to me." He motions for me to come sit on the couch with him so I do.

"I'm scared; I've never been in a relationship where other people would get hurt if it didn't work out." I admit to him.

"It's OK to be scared but talk to me about it sweetheart, don't try to run."

"Why aren't you mad at me for what I said about you not being there for Sam even when he was a baby?" I ask him.

"Because it's true, I wasn't that involved, I did work all the time and it was a long time ago. We can figure out everything together."

"You'll be more involved with Jason right?" I ask him.

"Yes Bella, I will be involved as you will let me be. I don't work as much as I did when Sam was a baby and I know how important it is now."

"As I let you? You're his father; you can be as involved as you want." I tell him. "Do you want to come shopping with me today after I get off work or whenever you're done with classes? I really want to get some baby stuff."

"Of course I'll come with you but do you think there is any chance of you moving in here before he's born? Then you wouldn't have to buy all the stuff I have here. Only if you want to though, I'm not trying to pressure you into things. We can take things as slow as you want them." I laugh at that, I'm pregnant what's the point in taking things slow?

I tell him I will hold off buying the big stuff for a while and think about it, but I still want to go and at least get some clothes for him and some other basic stuff, like diapers and bottles.

Do I want to move in with Josh? It would make sense to; it would make things much easier.

"I really need to shower now; I have to stop on the way to work and get something for breakfast, and probably lunch too. I usually take a salad for lunch." I tell him as much as I don't want to get up.

"I got you breakfast and I can bring you lunch."

I ask him when he got me breakfast and he tells me while I was asleep and he tells me about his chat with my dad. Dinner on Saturday should be fun.

"Thank you, that was really nice but don't worry about lunch, I can get it." I tell him and he says OK, if I'm sure.

Just as I get up to get in the shower Sam calls me to check on me. I talk to him for a few minutes, get my clothes out of my car and then take a shower.

After I get out and dressed he sits with me while I eat then he kisses me goodbye and I leave. I could totally get used to this.

The day goes by quickly and I call him to see if he can meet me at the store now, the only option is a small little store that is way overpriced but the stuff is adorable.

He gets there soon after I do. He's looking at bottles and I'm looking at clothes when the sales girl comes over to help me. She keeps looking at Josh and it's pissing me off.

"Why do you keep looking at him?" I finally snap at her.

"Oh I'm sorry he's just really hot and he seems so into the whole shopping thing. It's sweet. You're lucky." She tells me and I tell her thank you and I'm sorry for snapping at her.

"It's OK; I'm used to it working here." She jokes. She's really pretty.

"He has a son, he's my best friend. He's hot too. You should meet him; I can totally set you up with him. What's your name?"

"Emily." She smiles and agrees to being set up with Sam. She helps me pick out tons of cute, overpriced outfits. I don't make a ton of money being a teacher but Sam refuses to let me pay rent so I can afford them.

She takes them to the counter until I'm ready to check out and I walk over to where Josh is still looking at the bottles.

"Do we even need bottles?" I ask him and he says he doesn't know. "I got clothes, lots of clothes. I just wanted to buy something for him. We can wait for the rest of this stuff; maybe go to a bigger, less expensive place too. Oh also, I'm going to set Sam up with the sales girl. Let's check out now." He laughs and follows me to the counter.

I start to pay but he ends up paying it all for me, I start to argue but then think it's not worth it. I'll save my arguing for something more important.

Emily gives me her # and tells us goodbye.

He walks with me to my car and put's Jason's clothes in the trunk.

"Do you want to get dinner before you go home?" He asks.

"I don't want to go home, I ruined last night and I've hardly spent any time with you." I whine.

"Then we can get dinner and go back to my house, you don't ever have to go home if you don't want to Bella." He tells me.

"Can I stay the night?" I ask him and he says of course.

"OK then just let me run home to get some stuff, and then I'll come back." I tell him but he says no why don't I follow him to his house, drop off my car and then he'll take me. I agree so we get his car and head off.

**Josh's POV**

I'm driving Bella home so she can pick up stuff to stay with me for the night or however long she wants, I'm hoping she just moves in with me soon.

We pull into her driveway and she sighs so I ask her what's wrong, she says Alison is here.

"How do you know?" I ask her because there isn't a car or anything in the driveway except Sam's.

"The little window over the kitchen sink, see? Only she opens the curtains over it and then when she leaves she closes it otherwise it stays open forever and she flips out saying people are going to watch us run around naked because Sam and I always run around naked in the kitchen." She says sarcastically. "She's kind of a freak; I guess I never noticed because I love her so much. She's practically my mom or she was until I disowned her and claimed Sue. So just go home Josh and Sam will bring me over later, after we get rid of her. He won't mind." She tells me and I tell her no.

"We're in this together sweetheart; she's going to find out sooner or later. I'm not leaving." She gives me evil eyes but says fine, it's not like she doesn't already hate her.

We get out of the car and she grabs my hand and walks through the door.

"Bella honey you are making a huge mistake, you have to realize that once he gets bored here he will leave. And you Josh, how dare you take advantage of her, she's so young and screwed up with abandonment issues." Alison starts as soon as we're through the door. I'm about to say something but Bella shakes her head no and glances at Sam. She has complete faith in Sam to protect her even from his mom.

"I told you they were together now mom and everyone except you just wants Bella to be happy. I get this sucks for you but it's not her fault. She didn't know and had she not gotten pregnant she would have never taken him back but she did and they love each other. So until you can be nice to both of them stay away from all of us." Sam tells her.

Good to know if she hadn't gotten pregnant I wouldn't have had a chance.

"Bella I do want you to be happy, I love you like a daughter but he's not the right man for you. And I can't be involved in your life if he is. So you'll have to pick, him or me?" Alison asks her.

"I pick Josh." Bella tells her quietly. "I love you Alison, I do. But he makes me happy and we're having a baby together. I didn't do any of this to hurt you and Sam is right if I hadn't got pregnant I would never have taken him back. But I deserve the chance to have a real family. I'm not going to judge him by the mistakes the two of you made. And if for some reason things don't work out then yeah that sucks but at least I tried." I pull her back into my chest and she lays her head back. Damn I love her so much, even if she is only with me because of the baby.

"Sam I was here first, make him leave." Alison demands.

"Sorry mom but this is Bella's home and you just told her you can't be a part of her life so you need to leave, and like I said before you can stay away." Sam tells her then holds his arms out to Bella, she runs to him and he holds her tight while Alison is looking between us probably deciding on whether or not it's worth it to keep arguing. Finally she starts to walk out and as she passes me she tells me Bella will never love me as much as she loves Sam. I tell her all I want is for Bella to be happy and I'm OK with that. If Sam and Bella had feelings for each other they would have been together a long time ago.

Once she leaves Bella tells me she's sorry for saying she only gave me a chance because she was pregnant but she's glad that it worked out like this.

"You OK Bella?" Sam asks her and she says yes she's fine.

"Are you OK?" She asks him and he sighs and says he will be. "I am so sorry I caused all of this."

"Bella stop apologizing, I get this is weird for her but she has no reason to be overreacting like she is. She'll get over it when she realizes she isn't going to win. Jake and Leah are coming over to watch some movie Jake picked out; I don't know what it is. I'm going to order pizza, are you staying?" He asks her.

"Um I actually came to get stuff for tomorrow; I was going to spend the night with him." She tells him all shy like, she's so cute.

"You can stay if you want Bella, you could come tomorrow after work." I don't want her to think she has to give up her friends.

"No you should go Bella, when are you coming back?" He asks her and she looks between torn on what to do.

"You're sure you're OK with me staying here tonight? I haven't seen Leah in a while and I want to tell Jake thank you for last night." She asks me and I tell her it's fine, she can do whatever she wants.

Sam tells me I can stay but that seems like it would be awkward.

"Oh but I left my car at your house." She remembers but Sam tells her he'll take her to work and I tell her I can pick her up.

She walks out to my car with me and kisses me and tells me Sam needs her.

"Bella I don't want you to think you have to spend all your time with me. I don't want to take you away from them." I tell her.

"I know but I've waited all this time, I'm so ready to be with you. Tomorrow. I love you Josh." She kisses me one more time.

"I love you too sweetheart, have fun tonight and I will see you tomorrow." She smiles and says goodbye then walks back into her house.

Tomorrow. I can wait until tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam's POV

Bella comes home one afternoon after work and tells me she's moving in with Josh and that I have a date at Claire's on Friday, the only decent restaurant with in a hour of here, with a girl named Emily that she met at the baby store.

It will be weird with her not living here because even when she was nannying she spent all most every weekend here but she already spends most of her time with him, on Sundays I usually go over there and we work on his cars while she ignores us and watches crap TV all day.

Even though she doesn't officially live there about half of her stuff is there, all of Jason's stuff is there and she's already redecorated most of the house. He lets her do whatever she wants. She's still a little bit insecure but I think he's just afraid of losing her as she is him.

Friday comes and she comes home and tells me what to wear and tells me to be nice to this girl no matter what because she likes her and she actually likes doing girl stuff like shopping and decorating unlike Leah. I laugh and tell her sure, no pressure there. Then she tells me good luck and she'll see me tonight, she expects a fully detailed report. She's moving tomorrow.

I'm picking the girl up since she seems to trust Bella's judgment, I get to her house and ring the doorbell and when she answers I think thank you Bella, she is hot.

"Hi, you must be Sam, at least I hope so. She's right you are hot, hotter than your dad." Then she laughs and says sorry that's probably weird.

"Don't worry about weird, I'm used to it. My best friend since we were kids is having a baby with my dad." I tell her and she laughs.

"Yeah Bella told me all about it, she's lucky you're so OK with it. So where are we going?" She asks and I told her Bella made us reservations at Claire's. She makes a face and says oh.

"Do you not like Claire's?" I ask her and she says no, the service is awful and people only go there because there aren't any better options besides the diner which she would rather go to if she had to choose.

I ask her what she wants to do and she suggests making sandwiches and going to the beach. Low maintenance and hot. I like her so far. So she lets me in and pulls out a bunch of stuff and we make sandwiches and she packs chips and iced tea and cookies into a bag. It's weird seeing so much food in the fridge.

"You cook?" I ask her and she looks at me funny and says of course what is she supposed to do? Eat pizza every night. "Or there's Chinese or food from the diner…"

"You're serious? You don't ever cook? Doesn't Bella?" She laughs.

"Not only does Bella not cook, she only eats like 5 different things which is why we get a lot of pizza and Chinese and food from the diner."

"I am so going to teach you how to cook. It's kind of fun and way more healthy and cheaper. Maybe I can teach Bella too." She finishes packing the bag and putting everything up and then we head to the beach. I keep a big blanket in my truck just for the beach so I lay it out and we sit there and eat and talk and I really like her. She's funny and confident we have a lot in common.

We talk about what we want out of life, she wants at least 4 kids and she really wants to stay home with all them. I can totally see her raising my kids. She asks about my relationship with Bella and I assure her while we are very close nothing has ever happened between us and it never would have, even if she hadn't ended up with Josh.

"You've never even kissed her?" She asks.

"No but she used to sleep in my bed, then she got pregnant and it got weird for both of us." I tell her honestly. I really like her and Bella and I spend a lot of time together, I don't want anything to come up later where it seems like I tried to hide it.

"That's kind of weird. Did you ever think that she's the reason neither of you stay with anyone for long?" She asks and I told her no, not really but then we were both happy with each other even not being together.

"Am I scaring you off yet?" I ask her joking but worried too.

"Not really, I think it's a tiny bit weird how close you two are but I really like you and you don't do it anymore plus she's moving out with the father of her baby. I like Bella so it's not like I have a problem with her being in your life but I am glad she's with someone. What happens if things don't work out with them? Does she move back in with you?" She asks and I'm thinking crap what do I tell her? I can't tell Bella no.

"I really don't know. I mean it would be hard to tell her no and if she had nowhere else to go there is no way I wouldn't let her. But she has her dad plus she could totally make it on her own. And I'm pretty sure Josh isn't ever going to let her go." I tell her hoping it's an acceptable answer.

"Thanks for that, most guys would have just said they would tell her no even if it was a lie. I like how honest you are and I like the fact that you're so loyal. And forgiving. I like you, really like you." She tells me and as lame as it sounds my heart skips a beat.

"I like you too Emily." She kisses me and it is like nothing I have ever felt before. Like she's what I've been waiting for without ever realizing it.

We spend hours on the beach talking and making out and then talking some more. It's one in the morning when we decide we should probably leave.

"When can I see you again?" I ask her.

"You're helping Bella move tomorrow, or later today actually, right?" She asks and I tell her yes. "Well when you're done why don't all of you come over and I'll make dinner." OK this girl is amazing. I tell her yes and then we talk about what Bella will actually eat. She decides on lasagna. I take her home and kiss her good night and think about her the whole way home. Bella is sleeping on the couch with the TV on which means she fell asleep waiting for me so I wake her up knowing if I don't she'll wake me up as soon as she does.

I shake her awake and as soon as she's awake she demands details. So I tell her everything from the beginning to the end and tell her we're having dinner with her tonight. She scrunches up her nose but agrees.

"She's amazing Bella." I tell her and she says yeah I know.

"You deserve amazing Sam." She tells me then says good night and falls right back to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Charlie's POV

Today is my little girl's 26th birthday. So much has changed since her last birthday.

Her last birthday she spent the day at the beach with Sam and Jake and Leah and then I took them all out for dinner.

Sue and I had just started to date but we decided to keep it from the girls, more because of Leah than Bella. While Bella never had a mother and mostly considered Alison her mom Leah did have a father and she took his death hard. We recently told them and to our surprise they had both known since pretty much the beginning.

Now my little girl is pregnant, due any day now and living with a man older than me. A man I was friends with in high school. As much as I wanted to hate Josh I couldn't. He treats Bella like a Princess. I thought Sam and Jake spoiled her, they are nothing compared to him. He gives her anything she asks for which is why they now have a puppy and a pool and Jason has just about every toy imaginable. He has endless patience with her and her mood swings, one minute she's screaming at him and telling him she hates him and the next minute she's making out with him in my living room and begging him to never leave her. I assured him she's not always like this. As odd as it is, he's everything I had always wanted for her. He loves her more than anything; you can look at him look at her and see it. He can take care of her financially even though she works and she refuses to quit. He's involved in everything having to do with the baby. He makes her laugh like no one else, she's so happy with him.

For her birthday she wanted everyone to come to her house and Emily offered to cook. Emily and Sam have moved quickly in their relationship and I know he's planning on proposing to her soon. Bella loves her almost as Sam does I think and Emily is good for Bella. I know she has Leah but Leah doesn't do all the girl stuff quite so well. Emily is even teaching Bella how to cook and she goes out of her way to find new things she will eat. Sue told Emily Bella is good practice for when they have kids. Tonight though she's sticking to lasagna, Bella's new favorite and gold fish salad. My daughter is strange.

Jake and Leah have been dating for a while now but they both seem content to just date.

Everyone Bella loves is here tonight except Alison and I'm pretty sure Bella has given up on her. I really thought once Sam refused to talk to her she'd come around but not so far and if she takes too long it will be too late. Bella has claimed Sue as her mom and Sue is thrilled, Bella even asked her to be in the delivery room with her. She of course said yes so now it will be Sue and Josh in there with her. I hope they survive it, my daughter was never much on being dramatic until she got pregnant, now everything is a crisis.

Everyone is ready for Jason's arrival. It took me a while to get used to her being pregnant but now I'm excited about being a grandpa and I'm glad she's not a teenager like we all were. She asked me one day if I thought she would run like her mom did and I told her no way, the fact that she's worried about it proves it. I think Renee always had leaving on her mind. Then she asked if I thought Josh would leave and I told her I really don't think so, not the way he looks at her.

He's going to ask her to marry him tonight. He asked me for permission and then he asked Sam if he was OK with it because if they get married Bella will legally be his stepmom.

We both gave him our blessing.

Emily calls us to dinner and we all sit around the dining room table that Bella demanded Josh buy her pretty much for tonight. Everyone is laughing and talking and sneaking the puppy bites of food. She still has that cat too but she hates people. After everyone is done eating we move into the living room to give Bella her presents.

Emily got her new cooking stuff since she actually seems to be enjoying it but she doesn't have much to work with. Sam got her a collection of all her favorite kid books, Jake and Leah got her a gift card to get new hiking stuff and Sue and I got her a spa gift card. She's crying so hard out of what I hope is happiness and Sam is trying to calm her down before she falls asleep and Josh is looking at me like now what? He was going to ask her now but he doesn't want to send her over the edge. She might not come back from it anytime soon.

Sam whispers over her head do it after cake if she stays awake that long. Finally between Sam and Josh and Jake they manage to settle her down and Emily brings out the cake she made. I think he might be with her just for her cooking and baking abilities.

"I'm so sorry I flipped out on everyone, I really loved everything. I really just love all of you and I'm so happy that you're all here with me. I'm so lucky and I'm so glad that Jason will have so many people that love him in his life." Bella tells everyone as Emily hands her cake.

Cake makes her happy as long as it's chocolate.

Once everyone is done with cake we move back into the living room and Bella is looking through the books from Sam.

"I love you sweetheart." Josh tells Bella as he finally hands her the little box and everyone can tell what it is except Bella. Sam and I knew already but Sue is looking and me and I shake my head yes. Then she mouths and you're OK? I shake my head yes again. She's already pregnant and living with him, she might as well marry him too.

Bella opens it and looks at him trying really hard to not cry again.

"Will you marry me Bella?" He asks and she shakes her head yes not trusting herself to talk I'm sure. Then she kisses him then tells him she loves him.

My little girl is all grown up and pregnant and getting married.

Everyone stays a little while longer with Emily and Bella and Sue already talking wedding plans. Josh shows me and Jake the rest of the house while Sam and Leah start to clean up.

Then Josh sits next to Bella on the couch and she lays her head on him and starts falling asleep so everyone gets ready to go.

She gets up and hugs everyone as they leave. Sue and I leave last.

"Happy Birthday baby." I tell her and kiss her head.

"Thank you dad and thank you for supporting me in this." She tells me and hugs me.

"I just want you to be happy baby, that's all I ever wanted from the first time I held you. He makes you happy." She smiles and I says I love you dad.

"Love you too. Now get some sleep, you look exhausted." She hugs me again and closes the door.

A few hours later Josh calls to tell me she's in labor and they are on the way to the hospital.


	16. Chapter 16

Sue's POV

Josh calls Charlie a few hours after we leave their house to tell him she's in labor and they are headed to the hospital. Charlie goes completely useless and I end up having to talk him through getting dressed and getting in the car.

He asked us to call Sam and tell him so I do that as soon as we get in the car and Sam tells me he'll call Jake and Leah.

Everything is set. We get there shortly after Bella and Josh and go to her room. She's crying and Josh is trying to calm her down but she keeps screaming at him to leave her the hell alone. He looks relieved to see me and Charlie as if we can keep her calm.

Bella was never a difficult child but on the rare occasion she got really upset there were 3 people that could calm her down and neither Charlie or I were one of them. Nope only Alison, Sam or Jake could calm her down when she got to this point. Josh loves her and he tries and a lot of the time he can calm her down but if you really think about it he's only known her for 5 months plus a week and they've only really been together for 3 months. Mostly he just gives her whatever she wants, that won't work here.

"Bella honey you have to calm down, I know it hurts but you freaking out is making things worse OK?" I tell her and she says it hurts so bad.

"I can't do this Sue, it hurts too much. I can't do this, make it stop."

"Honey if I could I would but I promise you in the end it will all be worth it. Do you want pain meds?" I ask her and she shakes her head yes.

I tell Josh I'm going to go find a nurse or doctor or something to see how far along she is and whether she can get an epidural yet.

"Just hold her hand and let her scream at you." I tell him quietly. Charlie follows me out because he can't stand to see her in this much pain. Men are kind of pathetic when it comes to child birth, they think it hurts to watch, they would never survive actually going through it.

I go to the nurse's station and ask for Bella's nurse and when she comes I ask when she can get her epidural. She says at last check she was only 3 centimeters and she needs to be 6.

"Can't she have anything until then?" I ask her and she says she can probably have a low dose of something since it could be hours still. The first baby is usually worse. She says she'll find a doctor and to see if she can get an order for something.

Charlie tells me he's going to wait in the waiting room unless she needs him. I get back to her room and the nurse is trying to get her to walk around and she's telling her no, no, hell no.

This is going to be fun. Alison should be here with her. Alison could convince her to walk and not scream and cry hysterically.

"Sue is she OK?" Oh thank goodness Sam is here.

"No one in labor is OK." I tell him and Emily. "And your dad is in there not having a clue how to deal with her, please see if you can calm her down."

He walks to her room leaving Emily with me.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind you being in there right now." I tell her.

"I don't really want to see Sam with her right now. I get their close and there is nothing between them and she's with Josh but I don't know, it still kind of bothers me how when she's really upset it's Sam she wants you know?" She starts crying and I'm thinking I do not have the patience for this.

"Emily you know Sam loves you, more than he loves Bella even and that's saying a lot. They grew up together, I think Sam first meet Bella when she was like a week old so he knows her in ways no one else does. Slowly she'll need him less and Josh more but all this is still very new to her and she's scared to death, she doesn't want new, she wants what she's always known and that's Sam." I tell her and she starts crying.

"I'm so sorry, you must think I'm some crazy, jealous bitch but it's not like that. I love Bella, I just… I don't know." She's just kind of rambling, very unlike her from what I can tell.

"Hey don't worry about it but if you don't want to be in there it's fine, Charlie is in the waiting room." I comfort her and hope she's done being emotional, I can only handle Bella for the moment.

She says yeah she'll go sit with him, thanks.

Back to Bella.

"They're making me walk." She cries to me when I walk in.

"I know honey, it helps." She glares at me and I try not to laugh. "Sam, Emily is having some kind of emotional breakdown in the waiting room. We've got Bella, OK Bella?"

She tells him to go be with Emily. I tell him thank you for calming her down and getting her up.

"I don't want to walk Josh, don't make me." She looks at him with tears in her eyes and he's about to tell her she doesn't have to, I can tell. He would probably tell her murder is OK if she asked him with that look.

"Bella no one is making you but it will help you I promise. It makes the whole thing quicker and it actually hurts less than lying down. Just a few minutes and then you can come back if you want OK?" I try to convince her and her she says fine.

So for the next hour she walks around the halls and Josh never leaves her side even when she tells him she hates him and this is all his fault.

I sit with Charlie and Sam and Emily in the waiting room, finally he comes out to tell us she is about to get her epidural and she's asking for Emily.

Emily asks me to go back with her so I follow her back.

She looks at me then shrugs to herself and tells Emily to make Sam go home. We both look at her in alarm. Sam needs to be there in case she gets hysterical.

"I know what you're thinking, I might need him and that's the problem. Sam is my best friend but that's it. And he's with you now Emily and I'm with Josh. I need to learn to depend on Josh more than Sam and I can't do that when I know he's out there. So just make him leave." Bella demands.

"Honey you know Josh doesn't mind you needing Sam right?" I ask her. I know she's right in needing to depend more on Josh but I can't help but think this is not the right time to make this decision.

"I know he doesn't but I need to do this with him, the whole thing. I want him to be the one that knows what to say when I'm a wreck and I want him to be the one that holds me when I'm in so much pain I want to die. And this isn't just about me needing Sam; it's about everyone depending on Sam. You and Josh, it's just call Sam. Don't even try just call Sam." She's starting to cry and I'm about to tell her fine, he'll leave when he comes to the doorway.

"I get it Bella and you're right but I'm not leaving. I will stay in the waiting room even if you beg for me unless you absolutely need me but I'm not leaving me. You're strong Bella and I know you can do this and Josh will be with you the whole time but this isn't the right time to do this." He tells her and she's crying and Emily is just standing there like what the hell am I supposed to do? So I tell her to come out with me and I sent her back to the waiting room while I stand outside listening to Sam and Bella.

"I love you Sam so much, more than I love Josh and that is so wrong but I'm not in love with you I never have been you know that right?" I assume he shakes his head yes. "I know one day I will love him more than you but right now I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him if I always go to you." She tells him.

"I understand Bella, I feel the same way about Emily. You'll always be my best friend; you just can't be everything to me anymore. I love you and I will be in the waiting room. I'm going to go and get Josh now." He tells her.

"You promise you'll always be my best friend Sam? Even when I'm your stepmom?" She asks him and he laughs and tells her yes, even then.

"I feel like I just broke up with her. Make sure he takes care of her in there." He tells me when he walks out.

"Sam, don't go back yet, I'll go get Josh, you go get some coffee or something. I get it, I do. I watched you two grow up together. Josh even gets it I think because he understands that you both grew up without a parent and he loves both of you but Emily, she doesn't get it. If she sees you like this she will not get it. So before you go back to her you need to not look like you just broke up with her even if it's how you feel." I tell him and he sighs but he nods and walks away.

Once I send Josh back to Bella I sit down with Charlie for a while. This is all such a mess.


	17. Chapter 17

Josh's POV

Finally they give Bella an epidural so she's not screaming in pain anymore. Now she's sad and she won't tell me why, I know it has something to do with Sam but I don't know what happened when he came to see her.

"Sweetheart please tell me what's wrong? What happened with Sam?" I beg her to tell me but she just starts crying more.

Sue comes in and says just tell him Bella, it's OK.

"We broke up." She tells me quietly.

I look at Sue and she shakes her head yes, like that's supposed to explain it.

"I told him I can't run to him anymore. I want to run to you and he needs to worry about Emily first, before me. I want you to stop running to Sam too. I know I'm difficult and I'm sorry but you're supposed to love me but every time I get upset you just hand me off to Sam." She tells me still crying and I feel bad because all I really want to do is get Sam to calm her down.

"Bella I am so sorry you feel like that, you have to talk to me, tell me these things. I love you so much, I just hate when you're upset and Sam is so much better at knowing how to make you happy, you're not difficult, you're just so emotional which is fine. We kind of got thrown in to this but you're right, it should be just us more. I'll stop, as you put it, handing you off to Sam. I love you." I tell her and she smiles and says I love you too.

"You're not mad at me?" She asks and I ask her why I would be mad. "For loving Sam so much." She whispers.

"No of course not." I tell her.

"You're never mad at me." She says it almost accusingly. Sue coughs I think trying not to laugh before saying she'll be back in a few minutes.

"Do you want me to be mad at you?" I ask her.

"No, but I've been a bitch lately and sometimes I think maybe even if you are mad you're pretending to not be because I'm pregnant and insecure but one day all the times you were pretending you weren't mad are all going to add up and you're going to get really mad at me and it's going to be a huge fight and I don't want that." She tells me.

"Sweetheart the only time I've ever been mad at you is when you wouldn't let in your life and I promise you when I am mad at you I will tell you. Can you please just stop worrying now and relax?"

"I'll try."

The doctor comes in and tells her it's time to start pushing and I ask her if she wants me to go get Sue.

"I kind of just want it to be you; do you think she'll mind?" I tell her no I don't think she'll mind, I leave out the part where I'm sure she'll be relieved because she's trying to keep Charlie and Emily calm and trying to keep Sam from acting like he just broke up with his girlfriend.

The nurse comes in then and tells her she needs to start pushing.

A very miserable hour later Jason is crying and Bella is crying and demanding they hand her the baby.

They finish up and leave us with Jason.

"He's so tiny." She whispers. "Do you want to hold him?"

I take him from her, he is tiny. I don't remember Sam being this small.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" I ask her.

"I feel amazing. I feel like in this moment everything is exactly how it's supposed to be. I love you Josh."

I sit down next to her and hand her the baby back, "I love you too Bella."

"And I love you Jason, I love you so much. A lot of people love you." She tells him quietly; like she's afraid she's going to scare him. "We should let them in now. But only like one at a time. Maybe two. Two is OK."

"Are you sure you're ready? They can wait as long as you want them too." She says no she's ready; she really wants Sam and her dad first. I go get them and I was right about Sue she was relieved.

I start to walk back but Emily says please wait.

"I know she told Sam she can't be so involved with him anymore. Is she OK because he's not? I mean I don't think he won't ever be but if he's not OK and she's the one that just had a baby I can't imagine how she must be."

"She's actually OK I think and he loves you Emily." I tell her and she says I know.

"Do you think he loves me enough to be OK without her so much though?" She asks and I think about what she's asking me and what I would think the answer would be for Bella.

"I think it will take some time but I think they will both be fine."

"Thank you then, sorry I kept you from her. It's just everyone says they understand but you're the only person who's really in the same situation as I am."

"Don't be sorry, I'm sure she's fine with them. When they come out she wants you and Sue. Bella loves you too Emily, I really think you have more to do with her decision than me."

"She loves you too, whenever I'm with her she talks about you all the time. She adores you even if at the same time she's still terrified you're going to leave her." The look on her face says she did not mean to say that. "I'm so sorry but please don't say anything to her."

"She really thinks that?" I ask both of them because Sue knows her pretty well too.

"I really didn't mean to say anything." Emily looks upset and Sue is telling me to leave her alone.

"Sue?"

"Of course she's afraid you're going to leave her Josh, it will take a very long time if ever to get over that. She has abandonment issues, you know this. And no matter how much anyone tells her you've changed she can't see that because she didn't know you then. To her, in a way you're the exact same person who left Sam and Alison, honestly the only person who could probably convince her otherwise is Alison and I don't see that happening." Sue tells me and I feel like an idiot not knowing this.

"What can I do?" I ask her.

"Don't prove her right. Support her and love her like you've done so far. She'll worry about it less and less eventually. You do know that if you ever actually leave her though you'll break her right?" She tells me.

"I'll never leave her." I tell her and she says good now go back to her.

I walk back into her room and Sam is sitting on the bed next to her and Charlie is holding Jason. She looks up and smiles at me.

I am going to spend the rest of my life making her happy and showing her I'll never leave her.


	18. Chapter 18

Josh's POV

Jason is 4 months and a few days old and Bella just told me she's pregnant. We had talked about it soon after Jason was born whether or not she would get on birth control. I wanted her to be on it for a while but she really wants one or two more kids and she said the closer the better because I'm so much older than her so here we are.

It's not that I'm not happy, it's just that she seems so stressed out already between working and taking care of Jason.

Right now she is at Sam's house with everyone doing whatever it is they do, while Charlie and Sue are here while I help Charlie fix his car and Sue makes food for us to freeze and then just reheat.

She makes us dinner and while we're eating she asks about Bella. They don't know she's pregnant yet, she wants to wait until after her first appointment to tell everyone.

"She's so stressed and she's trying to do too much and she won't let me help her. She tries to make dinner every night and half the time it's stuff she won't even eat and she won't let me keep Jason even long enough for her to nap or take longer than a 5 minute shower. She'll only let you or Emily keep him." Sue keeps him during the day. "I asked her if she wanted to stop working and she said she would do whatever I wanted her to do. I don't get it, I give her anything she wants, I've never made it seem like she doesn't have a choice in the matter but she said it like she'll stop if I want her to even though she doesn't want to. Plus she is obsessive about the house being clean."

Sue mumbles that bitch; I can't believe she would stoop that low.

"What are you talking about?" Charlie asks her.

"Alison." Alison apologized to Sam and Bella and while they aren't as close as they used to be they have lunch together once every couple of weeks.

"Alison?" I ask her confused.

She asks if Bella started all this about the same time she started talking to Alison again, I think about it and tell her maybe.

"All those things are things that Alison always felt insecure about, she's pushing all that onto Bella." She explains. I will kill her.

"I never made Alison worry about that stuff." I tell her and she looks at me like I'm stupid.

"You were a jerk back then. She used to tell me how you never liked what she cooked and the house was never clean enough and you hated having to watch Sam. And… you made her not work because you liked her at home. I don't know how much was her overreacting and how much was you and it doesn't even matter. You're not that person anymore. You and Alison were terrible for each other, everyone knew it. What matters now is Bella is killing herself trying to be perfect for you because Alison is telling her if she's not doing this and this you're going to leave her just like before. And that's why she said she would quit working if you wanted her to. Bella grew up thinking about Alison as a mother, so she isn't going to realize what she's doing. You have to talk to her, I'll talk to Alison. Leave Sam out of it, Bella will just feel guilty if screws things up for them even more. Actually let me talk to Bella too, she might listen to me more than you since I still don't think she completely trusts you on matters of you leaving Alison." She tells me.

"She's very sensitive right now, she doesn't people to know yet so please don't tell her but she's pregnant." I tell them and Charlie's eyes widen.

"Why so soon?" He asks.

"It's because he's so much older than her Charlie, she worries about everything. You know this." She tells him. "But you need to learn to tell her no sometimes. It's so hard to have babies so close together, especially with her insisting on working. You could've waited until Jason was at least a year or so." She tells me. "When is she planning on announcing it? As horrible as this sounds using the pregnancy may be the best way to get her to relax. She won't want to hurt the baby by overworking herself."

I tell her I think her first appointment is in a couple of weeks and then she wants to tell people.

"OK then I can't use it but you can. Guilt her into it if you have to, but I'll try to talk to her about what Alison is doing. And I'll talk to Alison and tell her if she doesn't stop I'll tell Sam." Sue tells me and I agree with everything, I would much rather her deal with it than me having too. "Do you want me to try and talk her into quitting work too? The reason she won't quit is because she wants to be able to care of herself if you leave."

Damn, I don't think she's ever going to trust me.

"I think she likes working though." I tell them and Sue says that's because you've never seen her drop Jason off. She cries almost every time, she hates it.

I am an awful person, it's like I don't know anything about her.

It would be so much better for her to stay home with the babies, then she wouldn't be so stressed all the time.

"I'll try to talk to her about it again; I just don't want her to feel like I'm making her." I tell them.

"You might have to make her, she'll be pissed at first but then she'll be happier. And if not than she can go back, they love her there." Sue tells me and I look at Charlie because this is his little girl and he looks torn but in the end agrees with her.

After they leave I clean up everything so Bella won't do it and wait for her to get home.

She comes home in a really good mood and I figure now is as good a time as any to talk to her.

"Bella can I talk to you about something?" I ask her and she says of course, what?

I know Sue said she would talk to her about Alison but I decide to just start with that.

"Is Alison telling you things about me?" I ask her, I can tell by the look on her face it's true but she plays dumb.

"Like what?" She asks me completely innocently. I know her act.

"Is she telling you that if you don't keep everything around here perfect I am going to leave you?"

"No! She's just trying to help by telling me all the things that made you leave her!" She yells at me.

"Bella you have to see she's not really trying to help you, she's trying to set you up for failure."

"You never tell me anything! You just walk around pretending it's OK I can't cook and that the house is a mess and that I'm always too tired to have sex with you! She's trying to help!" She's clearly delusional. I should have listened to Sue.

"Sweetheart it is OK that you can't cook and the house is a mess and you're too tired to have sex with me. I don't care, that's why I don't say anything about it. And maybe you wouldn't be so damn tired all the time if you let me help you. You hardly even let me hold Jason, Bella we need to sort all this out before you kill yourself. I don't think you see should Alison anymore."

That was a really stupid thing to say.

"You cannot control me!" She screams. I'm glad Jason is a good sleeper.

"I am not trying to control you Bella. I just don't want her trying to turn you against me."

"She's not, she is trying to help. You made her give up working just like you're trying to make me. You want me to give up everything I love!" She screams.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You made me give up my puppy." She tells me, only that was her decision because the stupid dog barked all night and constantly woke Jason up. Screaming he can sleep through, barking no. Jake took him and Bella sees him all the time. So I tell her no, I didn't.

"You made me give up my nanny job; I only came here because I didn't want to see you all the time!" Once again, not my fault I tell her and also a lie, she belongs here. She's being irrational, she has to see this.

"And worst of all, you made me give up Sam." She's gone from screaming to quiet and bitter. "I'm leaving. I'll take Jason, wouldn't want you to have to take care of him and decide to run away."

"I didn't make you give up Sam! Dammit all I want to do right now is call Sam because you're being insane but you decided you couldn't go to him anymore. Not me Bella! All of those things you gave up all on your own. I've done everything I can to make you happy! I've given you anything you've asked for. I love you and I'll promise you again like I have a thousand times before I am not going to leave you. Why can't you just trust me? At least until I give you any reason not to." I yell at her and I realize when she looks at me with her big brown full of tears eyes that I've never yelled at her before.

"Alison said that you were happy with her but then you got bored with her and annoyed at things like her cooking and the house and her leaving Sam with you. I don't want you to get bored with me. I love you; I just want everything to be perfect. I want to be perfect for you." She whispers.

"Sweetheart you are perfect for me. I love you so much. You have to see that what happened with me and Alison was a long time ago and a totally different situation. I love you."

"Why would she do this to me? Why would she try to hurt me?" She asks me and I don't know what to tell her.

"I really don't know, maybe it's hard for her to see me with you when I was so awful to her. I don't know but can you trust me? Can you relax and let me take care of Jason?" She shakes her head yes.

I hold my arms out to her and she lays her head on my chest and sobs into me.

"I'm so sorry. I know none of that stuff was your fault; it's just that Alison was saying all of it and I have a hard time thinking about her wanting to hurt me. She raised me; she's supposed to love me. I don't understand. Oh but don't tell Sam, he'll stop talking to her again and he's happier now. I love you. I'm exhausted." She cries.

"I love you too, come on let's go to bed. I'm going to get Jason if he wakes up tonight OK?" She starts to say something but just nods her head yes.

She's asleep within minutes of being in the bed.


	19. Chapter 19

Bella's POV

I wake up feeling better than I have in a while and I realize it's sunny outside which means I slept all night. It's Saturday which also means Josh should be getting ready for work. I look at my phone, it's 9:00! He should already be at the studio.

I get up and walk downstairs to find Sam sitting on my couch holding Jason, trying to get him to take a bottle.

"Hey I don't think he likes me." He laughs.

"He'll only take a bottle from Emily and Sue, not even Josh. I'm sure that's my fault. Is he mad at me?" I ask him.

"No, why would he be?" Oh I guess the argument would be hard to explain without involving Alison.

"Yeah never mind that. Here let me feed him." He hands me Jason and asks again why Josh would be mad at me.

"We got in a big argument, I was really mean. But I think it's settled. Do you want breakfast? We have frozen pancakes from Emily and frozen burritos or something from Sue. I'm not going to eat them and Josh goes out for breakfast almost every morning. He doesn't like to reheat or something I don't know." I ask him and he says yeah he'll make them himself.

"You know you can still talk to me right Bella?"

"No, not about this I can't. Oh but do you think I should quit my job? He really wants me to and I hate leaving Jason and well I'm pregnant so that will just be another baby I don't want to leave and Sue can't raise my kids forever." I ask him.

"Wow, OK first of all you can talk to me about anything. Um congratulations I guess? Seems a bit soon. And you should do whatever you want to about your job, I think he wants you to quit because it would make you happier but it's your decision."

"We fought about your mom Sam. I don't want you to hate her but every time I have lunch with her she's telling me all this stuff I'm probably doing wrong and Josh is probably secretly hating and he tried to make me see what she was doing and I was defending her but he's right. And then I accused him of making me give up everything I've ever loved including you even though I know it's not true at all."

"Shit Bella I am so sorry she would do that. She's taking this so hard, I think she's jealous or something. Will you hate me if I keep talking to her? I'm kind of all she has right now." He looks guilty.

"No, it's fine. I didn't want you to cut her out again, that's why I wasn't going to tell you but I don't like keeping secrets from you. But can you tell her I don't want to see her anymore?"

"Of course, and as for you being mean Josh luckily loves you and he knows you're a crazy freak when you're pregnant. He knows right?" I stick my tongue out at him but tell him yes, he knows.

"Why so soon Bella?" He asks and I huff because I know I'm going to get this a lot.

"Because he's so much older than me Sam, I want him to be in as much of our kid's lives as he can be."

"So for all of your worrying and insecurity part of you actually believes he'll stay?" He asks and I never really even thought about it like that.

"Yeah I guess you're right." I admit.

"Don't overwork yourself Bella, let him help. And I can help and Emily too I'm sure. Isn't being pregnant going to mess up your wedding dress fitting?" At that I burst into tears and he starts saying I'm sorry, so sorry.

We planned the wedding for when Jason would be 6 months so I would have time to lose all the baby weight.

"I'm going to cancel." I tell him.

"No Bella, it should be fine right? It's in 2 months, you didn't even know you were pregnant before until 3 months and then you didn't show for a couple more. Plus if you cancel Emily and Sue are going to kill you and probably me. You'll be beautiful no matter what."

"Yeah hopefully you're right, I'm only like 6 weeks right now." I tell him still crying. "I need to go to the store you want to come with me?"

"Josh said not to let you out of the house unless you are eating or seeing people. He took your list and said to text him if you need anything else." I just roll my eyes and say fine, keep me hostage.

"then I'm going swimming. You want to come with me?"

"Can you take Jason in there? I can stay with him while you go."

"He can go for little bits of time, he likes it. But if you want to stay with him while I swim that works for me."

He tells me he'll come in for a little while and then get out with Jason and he goes to change while I change me and Jason.

"I can't believe you talked him into putting a heated pool in." He tells me as I float Jason around in his little pool thingy. It's kind of like a car seat that floats.

'"I didn't talk him into it, I said you know what be nice? A pool. And he said I'll get you a pool and I said yeah but it's hardly ever warm enough for a pool and he said it will be heated. So… pool." I motion with my hands and he laughs.

"You're so freaking spoiled Bella." He tells me still laughing.

"I don't mean to be!" I defend myself.

"It's not a bad thing, I'm just glad you're happy."

We keep Jason in for a little while and then Sam gets out while I swim for a little while longer until I'm tired.

I go in and Jason is sleeping in his bassinet so I start to make lunch and figure out what I'm making for dinner. Sam comes back downstairs, he probably took a shower.

"Thanks for getting him down, how long are you staying? I'm about to make lunch and maybe start dinner." I ask him.

"He also said no making dinner, and to order in for lunch. He says you've been running yourself to death and he really wants you to chill today. I'll probably stay all day if you want. Emily is working so don't worry about her. Wait, my mom is the reason you've been so stressed and running yourself to death?" He asks suddenly, I thought we were past this but I guess it just clicked to him what I actually meant.

"Something like that. I let her convince me of things I knew weren't true. It's not a big deal. I was trying to make sure everything was perfect because she convinced me I had to or he would leave." I tell him.

"But you believe him now? That he's not going to leave." Sam asks and I think about it.

"Yeah I think I do." I tell honestly. "Which is why I think I'm going to finish this school year and then not go back next year. I really do hate leaving Jason every day."

"How many kids do you even want? You never talked about kids. Emily wants 4 which seems insane but I guess it's OK. She wants to start trying as soon as we get married." They are getting married a month after Josh and I.

"I'm not really sure yet but I'm thinking if this one is a girl that's good and if not then maybe one more." I tell him.

Sam orders Chinese for lunch, then we take Jason for a walk and then watch movies until Josh gets home.

"Sam was really mean to me today, he called me spoiled and he told me I was going to look fat in my wedding dress." I whine to Josh and Sam looks at me like what the hell?

"She's pregnant." Josh tries to whisper to Sam but I hear him.

"I knew you would tell him! What if Sam really was being mean to me?" I whine for real this time and Sam laughs.

"Has Sam ever really been mean to you?" He asks.

"He did kind of tell me I was going to look fat in my wedding dress, but then he apologized like a million times then took care of Jason so I could swim and got him down for a nap. And he really did call me spoiled."

"You're not going to look fat and you are spoiled. Go get dressed, we're meeting your dad and Sue and Emily for dinner." He tells me.

"Jason's too little to go out for dinner." I tell him shaking my head no.

"It's not like he has to eat dinner, he just has to sit in his car seat. Please Bella? I'll make sure no one touches him or looks at him."

"Fine! But we're inviting Jake and Leah too and then I can tell everyone I'm pregnant since you told Sam and he's going to tell Emily and then Leah will be mad because she didn't know."

"Are you mad that I told Sam?" He asks and I tell him not really because I told him earlier. "Good because I already told your dad and Sue too."

Sam just laughs and goes to get Jason ready.


	20. Chapter 20

Sam's POV

Josh calls me this morning saying Bella is gone, is she with me? I tell him no but she probably just got nervous and needed some time alone. They are getting married today and she's a little over 3 months pregnant and she is in general a nervous wreck to the point where is he begging her to just quit her job now because she hates it and it is so much added stress and not wait the two months till summer but she won't. He could tell her to do it and she would but he's not quite there yet.

I call Jake and ask him if he's seen her and he says no but check the beach, she always goes to the beach when she's flipping out about things.

So I drive to the beach and walk to the spot we usually hang out at and she's sitting on a blanket with Jason sleeping next to her writing in a notebook or something. I walk up to her quietly and sit down next to her. She doesn't say anything; she just looks at me and then lays her head on my shoulder.

"I'm scared." She says after a while of silence.

"Why?"

"Marriage never lasts. Out of the 4 of us, none of our parents are still married. Those are bad odds Sam. Maybe marriage is like a curse." She tells me.

"Bella he's not going to leave and you're not going to leave and you are both going to die eventually whether you marry him or not."

"What if he changes?" She asks.

"What do you mean honey?"

"What if once I marry him, it will be like I belong to him, like he can control me?" She explains.

"I don't think that's going to happen but if it does you can divorce him. I'll always be on your side and so will everyone else. Where is this coming from Bella?"

"He made your mom quit her job and my dad made my mom quit her job."

"Well yeah but I think they were just crappy people back then, all of them. Look at Sue and Harry, they were always happy." I tell her.

"Until he died."

"Death is unavoidable. What's in the notebook?" I ask her.

"Songs, poems, some stories, all my deepest, darkest secrets."

"I didn't know you still did that." I tell her and she looks at my funny and says I didn't know you ever knew I did it.

"I don't think there is anything about you I don't know." I tell her honestly.

"Did you know that when we were 10 I kissed Jake?" She asks and I tell her yes, he told me.

"Did you know that when I was 15 I kissed Leah?" I laugh and tell her I know she begged Leah but Leah wouldn't do it. She was having some teenage, maybe I'm a lesbian crisis.

"Did you know that right after I broke it off with Josh I thought I might be in love with you for like a day?" I tell her no, that's probably the one thing I didn't know. "But now I see I was just trying to forget him."

"Did you know that even though you've dated long term and I've met all of them Josh is the first person you've ever kissed in front of me? And I wanted to kill him for it." I ask her and she says hmm, never thought about it and I'm glad you didn't kill him.

"We have a screwed up relationship Sam. I'm glad our kids will be related, even if they are close it won't be so much of a boundary issue thing."

"No they'll probably be all weird with Jake's kids instead." I tell her laughing.

"You think Jake and Leah will have kids?"

"I think Jake will have kids." I tell her honestly. I really don't know if they will be with Leah.

"Do you think I'll be with Josh forever?" She asks.

"I think you're perfect for each other." I tell her and she looks at me and then says I guess that's good enough.

"Do you ever wish that we were together?" She asks. She's in a weird mood.

"I used to wish we had those feelings for each other but we both know we never did. I think I just thought it would be so easy to be with someone you've known your whole life. But this way I still get you but I have Emily and you have Josh and now Jason and this baby. I think everything happened exactly the way it needed to. Even Josh and Renee leaving, not that it makes it OK. I also think you need to get back to get ready for your wedding. Are you ready?" I ask her.

"Few more minutes. I love you Sam."

"I love you too Bella."

We sit there for just a few more minutes and then I carry Jason back to her car and she goes home.

A few hours later she gets married on the beach. She's so beautiful and he looks at her like she's the only thing in the whole world that matters.

She used to be the only thing in the whole world to matter to me. Now I have Emily who is crying and saying how she can't wait for our wedding. I can't wait either, because now as much as I love Bella, Emily is my whole world.

Josh comes up to me and tells me thank you for whatever I told her this morning.

"Take care of her, always." I tell him.

"I will, I promise. Thank you for letting me in your life Sam and thank you for always supporting her." He tells me.

"I will always be on her side." I tell him.

"I know and I'm glad she has you."

Emily and I are getting ready to take Jason home for the night, Bella said she can only stand to be away from him for the night and they'll pick him up tomorrow night. We told Josh if he can convince her to stay gone longer we can keep him as long as they want. They're only going a couple of hours away to some super nice hotel. Bella didn't want to go at all but he talked her into it.

"Sam!" Bella yells from across the beach and I look up at her, she runs to me.

"Thank you for getting me here. Thank you for loving me and supporting me and being my everything and then letting me go." She tells me crying. I just hug her and kiss her head. "If you need anything for Jason please call me, don't worry about bothering us. Josh is trying to get me to stay for three nights but we're coming back tomorrow."

He comes up and puts his arms around her waist and whispers something in her ear. She smiles and says I have to go now.

They come back 3 days later.


	21. Chapter 21

Renee's POV

I left Bella and Charlie when Bella was just a tiny little thing. She had just turned 3 months old. She was a beautiful baby, big brown eyes and little wisps of brown hair.

But I never wanted her. Not before I got pregnant, not during and definitely not after. Charlie convinced me to quit school to stay home and take care of her because that's what all our friends did. Except Sue, she always worked and her husband was fine with it. But I quit because everyone said it was just nerves, I would adore my baby after she was born.

I didn't. So one day I wrote Charlie a note telling him I'm leaving, I will send divorce papers soon and then I took Bella to Alison's and asked her to watch her for a couple of hours. Her little boy adored Bella even as a baby. I assume he's the man she came to my house with.

I went back to school, worked my ass off and became a doctor. Every once in a while I would see a little girl who would be about Bella's age and wonder briefly around her but I never regretted leaving and I never considered going back or even calling. I had to see Charlie once for the final divorce hearing but he didn't bring her.

Then I met a man that was everything Charlie wasn't and fell in love. I considered mentioning I had a daughter but decided against it, she was my past.

I was terrified when I got pregnant with Jillian, would I have no feelings for her like I did for Bella? But it was completely different. I love Jillian, I would do anything for her, except give up my career and this time I wasn't asked to. Jillian is taken care of.

But now I can't take care of her by myself. She's sick, extremely sick. She needs a kidney transplant and the severity of her sickness means she needs a more exact match than normal. I'm not a match and neither is her father. Neither of us have much family but they aren't a match either.

And that leaves Bella. She is Jillian's last hope. Now as much as we didn't work together Charlie was a good man and I imagine he raised a good daughter. If she hadn't shown up on my door a while ago and I hadn't told her I never loved her I bet my chances would have been better, even if I did walk out on her.

But I did. And this is why I am now driving my extremely sick daughter to meet my abandoned daughter. Sympathy. No one knows I'm coming; I'll just show up at Charlie's and hope for the best.

Finally I'm here, the same house we lived in together. Pathetic, no one has goals here.

I leave Jillian in the car and knock on the door.

"Renee what the hell are you doing here?" He asks as soon as he opens the door.

"My daughter is sick, she needs a kidney, and Bella is her last hope. Please tell me where she is." I get straight to the point.

"How long does your daughter have without a kidney?" He asks.

"What does it matter? Just tell me where Bella is." I demand.

"She's probably at her house with her husband who is not going to let you anywhere near her. She's pregnant anyways; she can't donate a kidney for at least another 3 months. She's a good person, if she could she would I'm almost positive. Her husband on the other hand would probably fight her on it. He is very protective of her and their son. More so that she's pregnant." He tells me.

"Married… to Sam?" I ask him and he laughs and says no, not to Sam.

"Then I have a good chance of at least getting in with Jillian, she won't tell me no and he won't know who I am." I rationalize to him.

"No promises that she'll let you in, you told her you never loved her and he does know who you are; there is no chance of you getting in if he answers. What is the point anyways, when she's pregnant?"

"How would he know who I am?" I ask him confused. I'm sure there aren't pictures of me lying around.

"Doesn't matter, what matters is while I am very sorry about your sick daughter; you need to leave my daughter alone." Then he slams the door in my face.

Luckily this is a small town. I'll just go to the grocery store and ask someone where she lives. Or the diner, the diner waitresses used to know everything.

And I am right. I get the directions and drive to the house and once again leave Jillian in the car while I knock on the door. I hear a baby screaming and then footsteps.

"What the hell are you doing here Renee?"

What the hell am I doing here? Seriously?

"I'm here to see Bella; this is supposed to be her house. What are you doing here Josh?"

"I live here, hold on for a minute." He closes the door and walks back a minute later with the crying baby. "You're not seeing Bella. So you can just leave now. You told her you never loved her, why are you even here?"

"You're Bella's husband?" I ask him in shock. I'm pretty sure he's older than Charlie and what about Alison?

"What do you want Renee? I have things to do." He's rocking the baby but he's still screaming.

"How did this happen?" I ask him.

"Why are you here Renee?"

"Fine my daughter is sick, she needs a kidney. Bella is her best hope. She's going to die."

"Renee I am sorry, I really am but Bella is pregnant, she can't help even if she wanted to which she probably would. She's amazing like that. But she doesn't even need to know about this, she doesn't need this stress, it's been a really hard pregnancy for her."

"Yeah that tends to happen when you get pregnant so soon after having a baby. Charlie said she's 6 months. The baby could be delivered early, the odds aren't too bad and if it didn't make it then she's young, she has her whole life to have kids, Jillian is it for me. Please just let me see her? Where is she?"

"Go home Renee." He demands.

"Josh please, I'm sorry that was an awful thing to say but I'm desperate. Please just let me see her, and if she agrees I'll wait until the baby is born and just hope that Jillian can hold on that long. There are things they can do if they know she's going to get it. Why is he crying?" I may not love my daughter or her family but I hate when babies cry.

"He misses her, she almost never leaves him." He tells me.

"Give him something that smells like her that helps sometimes. Look, I know you probably hate me though I have a feeling you don't have much room to judge since you're now married to a girl your ex-wife used to take care of as a baby, but wouldn't you do anything to help one of your kids?" I plead with him.

"I do hate you and I don't have much room to judge. I walked out like you did, Sam was 4. I regretted it every day and when I got the chance to be in Sam's life I took it. I would do anything for one of my kids but that's the thing, my kids and Bella come first always." He walks back into the house with the door open and gets a shirt and hands it to the baby and he calms down.

"Thanks for that. I am very sorry but I can't put this stress on her. I won't. Not because I hate you but because she and the baby she's carrying come first."

Just then Jillian opens the door and says mom, I feel sick then throws up and then collapses onto the ground.

I sigh and then walk to her, she does this often, gets sick and then weak and then sleeps for a few hours.

He asks if she's OK and I tell her she just needs to sleep for a while.

"Please just tell Bella I'm here, if she can just get tested, she might not even be a match. And if she is I promise I won't try to pressure her into anything. I don't want my baby to die. I'm going to take her to the hotel room." I beg him one last time.

"I will think about talking to Bella, but why don't you let her sleep here? We have a guest bed; she doesn't look like she needs to be in the car right now." He offers. He has definitely changed. He used to be an asshole. "I hate you, not her." He adds.

"What if she shows up?" I ask him and he tells me he'll call her friends and tell them she needs to stay with them until he says it's OK.

I follow him upstairs helping Jillian slowly and then get her settled in.

I go back downstairs and watch him with the baby, he's good with him. This is so bizarre. He asks if I want anything to drink.

"Um just water please. So since we have all this time do you want to tell me how you ended up with Bella?" I ask him.

"Do you want to know because you care or because you're curious?" He asks and I tell him because I'm curious honestly.

"We met in the city, didn't ask last names. Once she found out who I was she was she broke it off and moved back here. I found out she was pregnant and I came to find her. She has abandonment issues because of you and because of me leaving Sam. They're close. She wanted nothing to do with me until she came to see you. I wanted Sam back in my life; you told her you never loved her. You convinced her I changed."

Wow. Well at least I could do that for her.

"How can you not love your own daughter?" He asks.

"All I see in her is what I couldn't have with her and Charlie. How is Charlie OK with this?" She asks.

"He just wants her to be happy." He says, that sounds like Charlie. He wanted me to be happy too as long as it was happy at home with no goals.

He gets a message on his phone and says shit.

"She's coming home, I'm not going to make you leave with your poor daughter and I'm not going to stop you from asking her but if you mention anything about her having the baby early you're gone and I will have a restraining order filed against you." He tells me. "Also she's coming with Sam who is very protective of her and she's 6 months pregnant and highly sensitive. Do not upset her."

"I won't. What's his name?" I ask looking at the baby. He's adorable.

"Jason." He tells me as he picks him up and makes him a bottle.

Soon Bella and Sam and some other guy show up. Bella comes through the door in a good mood but her face falls when she sees me.

"Why is she here Josh?" She asks him.

"I'm sorry sweetheart but her daughter is sick and she's sleeping upstairs. I wanted you to stay out until they left what happened?" He asks her and she tells him she really missed Jason. She takes the baby from him and kisses him and he smiles the biggest, sweetest smile.

"Bella?" I try to get her attention and she glares at me and asks Josh why my daughter is sleeping upstairs.

"She needs a kidney sweetheart, Renee came to see if you would donate one if you are a match. Obviously it couldn't be until the baby is born and you don't have to do it but that's why she's here." He tells her.

"What about recovery time? I don't want to be away from Jason or Brooke." She asks him.

"You cannot seriously be considering letting her do this Josh." The other guy tells him.

"It's her decision Jake." He tells her. Sarah's Jake? Probably so.

"There aren't any other options for her?" She finally turns to me.

"No, I wouldn't be asking if there were. Honestly I don't even know if she'll make it long enough for you to have the baby but I have to try Bella. If you could just get tested?"

She looks at Josh, he shakes his head yes.

"I will get tested but even if I'm a match I'm not promising anything. I would need to discuss this with Josh and a doctor. And if I do this I want to know her, not you. Just her." She tells me and I agree. My husband and even Jillian may hate me for it but it's worth it if it saves her life.

"I'm tired; I'm going to take Jason upstairs with me." She tells Josh.

He asks Sam to and Jake to stay here with me so he can go check on her and take the baby back when she falls asleep.

As bizarre as it is and as little I've seen they seem incredibly well matched.

Jillian wakes up a couple of hours later and I leave my # and take her home.

_A/N I wanted to say thank you to everyone reviews, especially those who review almost every chapter! They definitely motivate me to write more! _

_Also, I want opinions... should Renee's daughter die before Bella can help? Should Bella not be a match? Be a match but not help? Or be a match and help? _

_I have possibilities for all the options and I can't decide. _


	22. Chapter 22

Josh's POV

"Are you OK sweetheart?" I ask her. She's lying in the bed with Jason laying on her stomach babbling at her.

"Where is she?" She asks not looking at me.

"Downstairs with Sam and Jake. Bella are you upset that I let her in? I wasn't going to, but then her daughter got sick and she looked awful and Renee said she needed to sleep. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you." She still won't look at me. "It's just weird that she's in my house with my half-sister who could possibly need me to save her life. Did you let her hold him?"

"No, she didn't ask but I wouldn't have let her. You don't have to get tested, you know that right?"

"I don't want to be responsible for her dying. If it was Jason I would want someone to save him. I'm kind of hoping I'm just not a match though." She says guiltily. "I won't be away from Jason and Brooke for too long though. She won't know me if I can't be with her."

"Let's just not worry about it until you get tasted. Do you want to sleep? I can take him back down, I won't let her hold him, Sam or Jake could probably even take him for the night, and then you could sleep late in the morning." I tell her.

"No, I was away from him all day. I missed him and I don't want to sleep, I don't like going to sleep without you." She whines.

"You're exhausted; I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. You were out all day sweetheart and I know you're freaking out about all this. How about I take Jason down to Sam, or Sam can come up to his room and keep him and I will lay with you until you're asleep? Then after their gone and Jason is out I will come to bed."

"How about you lay here and stop trying to talk me into sleep and pretend there is no one downstairs and babble to Jason with me? I missed you too." She pouts so I laugh and tell her fine.

5 minutes later she's asleep. She's so stubborn.

I go back down to Sam and Jake and Renee with Jason. Jake takes him from me.

"She's out already?" Sam asks.

"Yep, fell asleep after whining that she's not tired. What did you do today?"

"Beach, lunch with Emily. That's about it. She's so tired all the time, is she OK?" Sam asks concerned.

"Of course she's tired. She has an infant and she's pregnant, either one of those by themselves is enough to be exhausting but together it can actually be dangerous." Renee says.

"Well I'm sure the stress of knowing she might be the only person that can save her dying sister she doesn't know from a mother that hates her will be helpful." Jake tells her. "Josh I know Bella doesn't want him around her, can I take him home for the night?" Jake loves Jason, I think he actually just wants his own kids but Leah doesn't.

"She said no, I asked her if she wanted me to see if one of you wanted to take him." I tell him.

"Then I'm taking him upstairs." He tells me.

"I thought you said Sam was the protective one." Renee mumbles.

"Doesn't mean I'm the only one that hates you. We all grew up close; Bella is like a sister to Jake. We all hate you." Sam tells her.

"Yet, he leaves and you're fine with him and Bella marries him." She tells him looking at me.

"He didn't tell me I was the biggest mistake of his life and that he never loved me." Sam tells her.

"Of course he didn't. Anyone can look at you and Bella and know that they're not getting to her if you don't want them to. The way you look at her and held her that day you came to my house. He knew that if he told you the truth, that he didn't give a damn about you, he would lose her." Renee tells him and Sam laughs.

"Trying to make him look bad isn't going to make you look like less of a bitch." Sam tells her.

They keep arguing until Jake comes down the stairs and tells them both to shut up before they wake Bella and Jason and probably Renee's daughter too.

"I'm sorry." She tells all of us. "I don't know you, I shouldn't judge. I'm just so worried and stressed about my daughter."

"The daughter you love you mean." Sam says and then says he's going upstairs with Jake.

"Should I just wake her up and go?" She asks.

I'm about to tell her no when Sam walks down with her.

"She looked lost and confused." He tells her and she tells him thank you.

"Who are these people mom?" She asks her, poor thing looks scared to death.

"I'll explain everything on the way the hotel baby." She tells her.

"Thank you Josh, as soon as she gets the results please call me." She hands me her # and they leave.

The next day Bella gets tested and she is a match.

We meet with a doctor who tells us she can do the surgery 24 hours after the baby born as long as everything goes OK and then she would need to be in the hospital for about a week. After she's released, she'll have to stick to light activity and get tons of rest for the next 3 or 4 weeks.

Because that sounds completely possible with two babies.

"Can I breastfeed her?" She asks and he says yes but that will limit the amount and type of pain meds she can have.

"Can they visit me in the hospital?" She asks and he says that really depends on the hospital and the nurses.

"If she can't spend a lot of time with me in the first week will that mess up my bonding with her?" She asks and he says no, a week should be fine.

Then he explains the risks and while they are not high I don't like her doing anything that can end in death.

We leave the hospital and pick Jason up from Sue; Bella didn't want him in the hospital with all the germs.

"Do you want to get lunch?" I ask her.

"Yeah but can we just take it home? I don't feel very good." She tells me.

"You still don't have to do this sweetheart."

"Of course I do. She is dying, might even still die because I can't do it soon enough. If I die during the surgery I want you to make Jake their legal guardian if anything happens to you." She starts crying.

"Nothing is going to happen to you. The risks are practically nothing; you're more likely to get in a car crash." She starts crying harder and I realize that probably wasn't the smartest thing to tell her while we're in a car. "You're not going to die but why Jake?" Sam is their brother.

"Sam will have kids. I think Jake is going to have to break up with Leah if he wants kids and I'm not sure he's willing to do that. Not that if I die you'll die when they are young enough for them to need him, but really we should have legal plans for them anyway. Is Jake not OK with you?" I tell her Jake is fine because no one is dying so it doesn't really matter.

"What about your studio? What happens if you die? I can't run it." She's getting all emotional, she's about to melt down.

"You would sell it. I have a will Bella, you would get everything. The studio, all my savings, the house of course. Why are you thinking about this all the sudden? Are you planning on killing me?" I joke.

"She's only 10. Anyone can die at any time. And you're kind of old. You have savings? See I don't know anything about anything. I get it's your money but if you die I don't know if I can support the kids and keep the house and everything being a teacher." She tells me.

"I have savings sweetheart and life insurance. You and the kids would be fine. I'm not hiding anything from you, you know that right? It's just as much your money as mine. You've just never shown any interest in it." I ignore the fact that she called me old and she's acting like I'm going to drop dead.

"In the city I made decent money and I had only had a few bills, I didn't even have cable or internet because I only spent the nights there. I was at work all day and with Sam all weekend. And the when I moved I actually made a tiny bit less money but Sam never let me pay rent, all I paid was for half the electricity and then you never let me pay anything. And now I have no money so I just don't know how I would do if I was suddenly responsible for me and two kids completely." She explains.

"You have money Bella, you have all my money. Don't think like that. We can sit down and talk about all this one day OK? I don't want you stressing right now. Let's get lunch and go home and just relax for a while." I try to calm her down.

Once we get home with our lunch and eat and feed Jason she puts him down for a nap.

"I'm really tired; I'm going to take a nap. Come with me?" She asks.

I lay with her until she falls asleep and then get up and try to clean up the house and figure out what to do for dinner. She's been trying to make sure we eat more at home because she doesn't want the kids to grow up eating out all the time. She's still very picky but thanks to Emily she'll eat a lot more than she used too. I need to go to the store but she'll flip out if I leave while she's asleep plus I want to make sure I get Jason if he wakes up before her. She'll probably flip out if I'm not in there with her when she wakes up but she'll have to get over it. She's very clingy lately not that I mind, it's just not her. It's probably the pregnancy. I've known her pregnant more than not. I'm hoping she wants Brooke to be it but if not I think we'll have to wait at least a year or two.

Someone knocks at the door and I open it to Jake.

"Can I talk to Bella?" I let him in and tell him she's sleeping but he can stay and wait.

"Leah's pregnant, she doesn't want it. She said she'll have it and I can raise it but she doesn't want to be involved. I knew she didn't want kids and lately I've been considering breaking up with her because I really do want kids. Even more that I spend time with Jason but I don't get how she can just be so cold, like it's no big deal. I could see if Bella had turned out like that, or Sam but not Leah. Leah had this perfect childhood with two parents who loved her until her dad died but she was older than. I mean I'll do it, I'll raise it alone but what makes a parent walk out on their kid?" He tells me.

"Are you asking me why I think Leah wants to walk out or are you asking me why I walked out on Sam?" I ask him.

"Oh I'm sorry I guess that did seem like I was judging you. I'm not; you're clearly not going to leave Bella so I don't really care what you did before. I mean I was a baby." He's guiltily rambling.

"People do the same things for different reasons. I walked out because I was young and overwhelmed and selfish. I think Renee walked out because she resented Charlie and Bella. I can't tell you Leah's reasoning. Maybe she'll change her mind, when did she find out?" I ask him and he says just a few days ago. "Leah has Sue here too, that's something neither me nor Renee had, I don't know if it will make a difference but she has Sue and her shop, plus you and Leah love each other. You're together because you love each other not because you got married out of high school because all your friends did or because she got pregnant."

"Thanks, I think I'll just go. Bella doesn't need to hear my problems anyways."

"No, she'll be happy to see you. She found out she's a match and she's trying to pretend everything is fine."

"You're really going to let her donate a kidney?" He asks.

"I don't want her to but it's her decision. She doesn't want the girl to die, I don't want her to die either but I don't like it." I tell him.

"If you told her no she would listen."

"I know but I'm not going to use that against her. Do you remember how mad at me she was when I made her quit her job before the summer? And that was something that made her miserable. If I told her no, she can't do this she will end up feeling guilty and probably hating me for the rest of her life. No, I won't do that. I know she'll listen if I tell her no, but I'm only going to do that if it's really for her own good. I don't want to control her." I tell him.

Bella didn't talk to me for a week after I made her quit her job. She was so miserable though, she cried every morning and as soon as she would get home she would fall asleep and sleep all night. Jason cried all the time because he wasn't getting any time with her. I thought she was going to leave me. Everyone tried talking her into talking to me. Sam, Jake, Sue, even Leah. Finally it was Charlie that got through to her.

I didn't know she saw it the same as me making Alison quit and Charlie making Renee quit. Charlie finally convinced her that I made her quit because I was worried about her, it wasn't a power trip thing like it was with Alison and it wasn't a because that's what all our friends are doing thing like it was with Charlie and Renee.

"Is it weird for you her being so much younger than you? Younger than Sam?" He asks.

"Not really, but I think she's starting to worry about it. She's worried about me dying and leaving her to take care of the kids by herself. She wants you to take them if we both die."

"Not Sam?" He asks surprised.

"She says she knows Sam will have lots of kids but she's not sure about you. But I really think it has more to do with the fact that Sam is Jason and Brooke's brother, he'll always be a part of them. She wants you to be family to them too. Also, I know Sam loves Jason but you are the one that seems more drawn to him. At this point Sam wants kids for Emily, you want them for you. But really I'm not planning on either of us dying."

"You're not that old. I mean you're a lot older than her but not that old." He tells me.

"Bella tends to over worry."

"She's not nearly as bad when she's not pregnant. Are you going to have more after Brooke?" I laugh and tell him I hope not.

"I would like to get to know the non-hormonal Bella."

"But you won't tell her no?" He asks.

"Probably not but I will tell her we need to wait a while this time. I was stupid to let her get pregnant so soon."

Jason starts crying and I get him and bring him down and Jake takes him.

"You're good with him Jake. You'll make a good father with or without Leah." He looks upset but says thanks. "I need to go to the store, are you going to wait for her to wake up? She is going to be upset that I left, she's very clingy lately but if you're here she'll probably be OK."

"Yeah go, I'll keep him if you want." He offers.

I ask him if he's staying for dinner and tell him to tell her I'll bring something home.


	23. Chapter 23

Bella's POV

I'm meeting Leah for lunch to try to talk her out of being a bitch. And by bitch I mean handing her baby over to Jake and being uninvolved. I won't forgive her. She's not even planning on having the decency to leave; she's just going to pretend that Jake and her baby don't exist.

"Hey Bella, where's Jason?" Leah asks me as she sits down across from me.

"He's with Josh. Why are you going to abandon your baby?" I ask her and she sighs.

"Don't take this the wrong way Bella but I don't want to be you. Baby after baby, no job, totally dependent on Josh. I like my store and my freedom. I mean Jake will want to live together and get married and that's just not me." How am I not supposed to take that the wrong way?

"I love Josh and my kids Leah. I'm happy. I mean this isn't what I had planned, I never even thought about kids before I got pregnant. I never even thought I would get married. You know why? Because my mom walked out on me. Even though I grew up with a lot of people loving me I still thought maybe I'm not good enough for anyone to stay. The bad almost always sticks with you more than the good. Do you want your kid to feel like it's not worth loving?"

"Maybe my kid will be like Sam and not you. Sam was fine; he had no interest in his dad until you dragged him backed into his life." She's hormonal; I'm trying to remember this.

"Sam never had a real relationship until Emily, no real relationship until he was 28. Does that seem normal to you?" I ask her and she says no I guess not.

"But I think maybe that had more to do with you than anything." She says.

"Maybe but maybe not. You're setting you're kid up for issues. It'll be daddy where's mommy? Oh she runs the book shop on the edge of town but she hates you so she pretends that we don't exist."

"I'm not staying. I'm going to sell the store and move. I don't know where yet, not that you care I'm sure."

"Why don't you stay here and let Jake keep it but still see it? At least try Leah. Jake would never make you do anything you didn't want to. He wouldn't make you give up the store; he wouldn't make you move in with him, he wouldn't make you marry him. Jake is so good." I try to convince her.

"Josh made you quit your job. Is he not good?" She asks and I think damn, she's good.

"He only made me quit because he knew I would be so much better off. I was miserable Leah, I cried every morning and I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home. I never saw Jason, I was barely eating plus I hadn't planned on going back the next year anyways. I was pissed yes but he did it for me. Plus I know I say he made me but I could've have said no. He can't really make me do anything." I tell her.

"Then why did you do it?" She asks.

"I love him and he wanted me to. I don't know Leah maybe I can't tell him no. OK I can't tell him no if he tells me to do something, I don't know why. Maybe because he's so much older, maybe because of my abandonment issues, I don't know. But the important thing is he's never told me to do something or even not do something I really didn't want to. Like this whole kidney thing, he doesn't want me to do it because it's risky and it takes away from what is supposed to be time with Brooke but he won't tell me not too. He loves me; he really does want what's best for me. Jake wants what's best for you too but he would never tell you to do or not to do anything. It's not him. You know that."

"What if slowly by slowly he tells you to do this and not that more and more and before you know it he is controlling your whole life and before you realize it it's just too late and you're not even you anymore?" She asks.

"I'd like to think I'm stronger than that and I'd like to say I know that he would never do that but I actually asked Sam about that on my wedding day." I tell her.

"What did Sam say?"

"That he would always be on my side. Sam would never let that happen to me and neither would Jake and neither would you. Sam and I wouldn't let it happen to you either. But honestly Leah in this moment I would still worry about Josh trying to control me before Jake trying to control you. You run your relationship, if it was up to Jake you would be married with kids already."

"Would you hate me if I broke up with him and tried like you said, not leaving but letting him keep it full time? Maybe I could just see it on my days off or something?" She asks.

"No, I'll only hate you if you leave."

"I still might." She whispers.

"I'll hate you less if you try." She smiles a sad smile and says thanks for that I think.

She tells me she's sorry for saying she doesn't want to be me and I tell her it's OK but I don't want to be her either.


	24. Chapter 24

Jake's POV

Bella is 8 months pregnant and I am on my way to meet with Renee and her husband with her and Josh.

They are trying to convince her to stay with them until the baby is born so that she'll already be in the right hospital.

Bella told Josh she would die before spending a single night in their home.

Why am I here? To make sure Renee doesn't even so much as look at Jason according to Bella. According to Josh it's because he's not sure he can handle Jason and Bella. And I'm the only one who can leave my job whenever I feel like it since my dad helps when I ask and I can do a lot of it online. Josh left the studio to Sam for the business side of things and hired an instructor.

We get to the house and just the husband and the nanny are there.

He introduces himself as Phil and the nanny as Kylie. Renee is at the hospital since Jillian is now there full time.

"Thank you so much for coming, you have no idea how much I appreciate this, especially after how Renee treated you." He tells Bella.

"I'm doing to for Jillian, trust me if Renee needed it I would have let her die." She tells him and Kylie tries not to laugh.

"I didn't know about you." He tells her.

"Yeah none of that really matters. How is Jillian doing?" She asks.

"She's very sick but she's holding on. She really wants to know you Bella; she's always wanted a brother or a sister. She's such a sweet kid despite…" Kylie answers her but stops.

"Despite Renee being her mother? I know you can't stand her Kylie, it's not a secret." Phil laughs.

He explains that Kylie has been her nanny since she was born, and there are times when Kylie is more the parent than the nanny.

"So anyways Josh, Bella we would be more than happy for you to stay here for the rest of this month so that you can deliver here. We have two extra rooms so the baby could stay in one or with you, anything to make you happy and comfortable." Phil tells them.

"I'm not staying in the same house as her." Bella tells Phil but she's looking at Josh.

"I know sweetheart, we'll get a hotel room. One for us and one for Jake." He tells her. Apparently I'm staying here for the next month? Not that I mind, I owe Bella a lot. She convinced Leah to try and stay here and work things out with me and the baby, she broke up with me but I'm OK with that. "If that's OK with you Jake?" I tell him it's fine and Bella smiles at me.

Phil and Josh discuss nearby hotels and extended stays while Bella and I talk to Kylie about Jillian and Renee. She really can't stand Renee and for that Bella loves her.

"She really does love Jillian she just loves her career a bit more. But it works out well for this, she has all the best doctors on Jillian's case and I know she has the best lined up for you and the baby. Plus because of her you'll be able to spend more time with your babies and husband than normal. She has a lot of pull there. Thank you for doing this. I've been Jillian's nanny since I was 18, she was 6 weeks old. My mom is one of the doctors that work with Renee; I love her like she's mine. She's excited about knowing you, and hopefully your kids. Phil is thinking about leaving Renee once Jillian is better, this whole I abandoned my infant daughter things kind of has him seeing a lot of the wrong in her." Kylie tells Bella.

"So you think she'll make it long enough?" Bella asks her and she says as of right now yes, but things can change quickly at this point.

"Um can I ask you a totally none of my business question?" She asks her and Bella says sure.

"How old is your husband?" She asks and when I laugh Bella smacks me.

"He's 47. 21 years older than me." She tells her and Kylie just says oh wow, he's hot though. Bella says yep, I know.

Kylie tells us she is about to go to the hospital to see Jillian and asks if we want to come, Bella tells her not right now but probably soon. Before she leaves she tells Bella that if she needs any help with Jason to let her know, she will gladly help.

Soon after she leaves we leave to go to the extended stay Josh decided on, he gets me a room across the hall from them, we check in and then he leaves to find food Bella will actually eat, the more pregnant she gets the more picky she gets. She's down to pizza and waffles and anything chocolate.

"You know you don't have to stay Jake." She tells me.

"I know but you need all the support you can get in this. It's not a big deal, actually it's kind of a nice break from knowing Leah is 5 minutes away and pregnant with my kid but wants nothing to do with me." She hugs me and says Leah's a dumbass.

By the time Josh gets back she's asleep in my room so he takes Jason back to theirs after telling me he's going to drive home in a little while to pack, he wasn't sure how this was going to go, and asking me if I want to come with or stay with her. I need stuff but I don't really want her alone so I tell him I'll just go in the morning.

He leaves Jason with me and heads home, 4 hours later Bella's water breaks. I call him and he turns around but she needs to be in the hospital now so she tells me to call Kylie.

Kylie meets us at the hospital and takes Jason back to our room.

"I can't do this Jake; I can't do this without him." She tells me crying and looking at me like I'm supposed to be able to fix this.

"Maybe it will take a while like with Jason honey, maybe he'll be in time."

Then a nurse comes in and tells her it's moving quickly she needs to start pushing. She refuses.

The nurse pulls me out and tells me if she doesn't start pushing I'm going to have to sign a consent form for a C-section.

"I'm not her husband." I tell her and she says oh. Well where is he? "On his way but like 3 hours away."

"Well then you need to talk her into listening." She demands.

Renee comes running down the hall.

"You're not going in there; she is stressed and scared as hell." I tell her.

"Yeah I know but if she has a C-section her recovery time before she can have the surgery is longer. Jake please, you know her well right? Just use what you know about her to calm her, make her understand that the baby is going to be distressed if she doesn't do this. Plus if she doesn't agree to the C-section her baby could die since Josh is the only other person who can consent, I mean it can be forced but that takes time and just go in there and help her please?" She begs me.

I go back to Bella and she's curled up in a ball crying hysterically.

"Bella honey, I know you're scared and you want Josh but the baby needs you to do this. Is there anything I can do?" I ask her.

"No, I'm not having this baby without him." She cries.

"OK honey if you have a C-section you have to wait longer to donate the kidney and that is just more time in here away from Jason and Brooke and away from home. You know Jason is going to miss Sue and Brooke is going to think she lives at the hotel and Sam is working his ass off trying to run Josh's studio plus his shop which means Emily is alone and pregnant." I feel like crap telling her this stuff.

"Are you really trying to guilt me into this Jake?" She cries.

"Is it working?" She shakes her head yes and I run off to find the nurse.

For the next 30 minutes she is screaming in pain and holding my hand so freaking tight I think she might actually break it. Apparently there was no time for pain meds.

The nurse tells her one more push and then Brooke is crying and they hand her to Bella.

"Thank you Jake." She whispers. "Don't feel bad for saying all those things. Can you please call Josh and tell him we're OK?"

I call Josh and tell him they are both fine and find out how far away he is. Just as I get off the phone Renee walks up to me.

"Are they OK?" she asks.

"Stop pretending you care about either one of them." I tell her.

"I don't hate her Jake; I don't want anything bad to happen to her." She tells me.

"2 months ago you couldn't have cared less if she lived or died. She got married and had a baby and you knew nothing. You told her you didn't love her and then you have the nerve to ask her to give a kidney to the daughter that was good enough in Bella's eyes. So stop pretending you care about anyone but Jillian. Bella is such a good person that you have missed out on knowing. I have to go back to her, she needs me. And yes they are both fine." I walk back to Bella and tell her Josh is about 2 hours away still.

"You need to go get Jason then, he doesn't know her, and he'll be scared. I'm fine, Josh will be here soon." She tells me but I really don't want to leave her here with Renee walking around out there.

"I don't want Renee bothering you." I tell her.

"If she comes in I'll deal with it Jake, Jason is more important. Please go."

"Fine but call me if she bothers or if you need anything and have Josh call me when he gets here so I'll know." I kiss her head and leave.


	25. Chapter 25

Josh's POV

I cannot believe I missed my daughter being born. Thank goodness for Jake being able to talk her through it instead of her being forced into a C-section. Now she's there alone with the baby because she insisted he go back to be with Jason. Renee better leave her alone.

All that really matters though is that both Bella and Brooke are fine and I'm kind of glad it's earlier than expected. I want my family home. This gives Jillian a better chance too.

After what seems like forever I get to the hospital and get her room #. I walk in and Renee is sitting in there with Jillian in a wheelchair. Bella bursts into tears when she sees me.

"I am so sorry sweetheart, so sorry." I tell her. "Where's Brooke?"

Renee tells me they took her to the nursery for routine newborn stuff and asks her if I want them to bring her back right now, I tell her yes please and then try to calm Bella down.

"Bella baby please calm down I am so sorry." I tell her I'm sorry over and over.

"She's not mad, she's just overwhelmed but she's happy." Jillian tells me quietly. "She's been waiting for you and then they took the baby and so she's been waiting for her too."

I look at her funny and she says I read people well, there isn't much more to do while you're stuck in the hospital.

"Your baby is very beautiful." She tells me.

"Thank you. Have you and your mom been in here long?" I ask her while I sit with Bella and hold her while she cries into me.

"Maybe an hour, my mom found out she was alone and asked her if I could come see her. She sat in here with us but they don't talk. I understand why she hates her, my mom told me everything. I don't understand why Bella still wants to help me." She tells me and Bella tries to say something but she's still crying.

"Sweetheart you have to calm down, Brooke will be back soon. You're really not upset I wasn't here?"

"Scared, so scared. Jake made me." She finally manages. "Not mad, love you."

"I love you too. I'm so glad you're OK and Brooke is OK."

"Call Jake, he worries." She tells me.

"Will you be OK with her for like 2 minutes?" I ask Jillian and she says yes.

I call Jake and tell him I'm here and ask him how Jason is. He says he doesn't mind staying with him for as long as we need him too but he's extremely fussy. I ask him to call Charlie and Sam and let them know she had the baby so she'll be going into surgery tomorrow.

Just as I hang up the nurse walks back with Renee and Brooke. Renee tells the nurse she can give her to me.

She's so tiny, I thought Jason was tiny but I think she's even smaller.

I take her into the room and Bella sighs in relief. I hand Brooke to her. She kisses her head and tells her she missed her.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Bella asks me.

"Yes, she's beautiful just like you."

"How is Jason?" She asks and I tell her fussy.

"Go get him." She demands. "I'll be fine with Brooke."

"Sweetheart Jake can handle him, he's just fussy. He's going to feed him and put him to bed. I'll call him in an hour and if he's still fussing I'll go OK?" She's not happy about it but she says fine.

I ask her who kept him while she was in labor and she tells me Kylie. Well at least it didn't have to be Renee.

"Can you find my mom?" Jillian asks me. "You should be alone with them."

"Jillian I don't mind if you stay. You kept me company when I was alone and worried. Thanks for that." Jillian smiles and tells her she's kind of tired.

"I really like her." Bella tells me after I find Renee and she takes her back.

"That's good; hopefully you can keep in touch with her. We don't live that far." I tell her and she smiles.

"Hold Brooke." She demands and holds her to me, I laugh and take her. She really is beautiful.

"Josh?" Bella says sleepily.

"What sweetheart?"

"I think she's it. We have Jason and now her. We have this amazingly perfect little family." She falls asleep leaving me to hold little Brooke. She is going to be so spoiled, just like her mother.

"Is she going to flip if I'm here?" Jake asks as he walks in.

"Is Jason asleep with Kylie there with strict instructions to call if he even so much as squeaks?" I ask him.

"Yep."

"Then she'll be fine. Do you want to hold her?" He takes her from me.

"Charlie and Sue are driving up tonight, Sam and Emily will probably come up to see her on Sunday. I saw Renee, she said someone can bring Jason up tomorrow to spent time with her before the surgery. How long can Brooke stay here?"

"I don't know. I hate to ask too much from you but can you keep her while I'm here with Bella?" I ask him and he says of course. "Is Leah coming?"

"I don't know, Sam is trying to get her to come up with them but he's not sure."

Renee comes in and asks if we can talk about tomorrow. Jake looks at her like she's stupid and tells her Bella is sleeping.

"I can see that, I figured she would rather hear everything from one of you anyways." She says glaring at him.

She tells me when Bella has to stop eating and what time she'll actually go into surgery and asks if I have any concerns.

"How long after will she be able to see the kids?" Jake asks her.

"As soon as she's awake, and feeling up to it."

"How long can Brooke stay here?" He asks.

"As long as they want her to." She tells him. "Also Kylie has offered to help in any way."

"Once she's released will she be able to make the drive home right away?" I ask her.

"It's not ideal but since it's not too far it should be fine. Jillian adores her already. Will she keep in touch?" Renee asks me.

"Yes, she plans too. They really seemed to get along this afternoon."

"Good, Bella seems like such a good person even if she does hate me. I'm glad she grew up happy and I'm glad she ended up with someone who loves her like you do." Renee tells me and for the first time since she came to my door I think she might actually feel bad for being a bitch to Bella.

"She would probably forgive you." Jake tells her. "If you really want to be in her life and the kid's life, she probably would. It wouldn't be easy for her, it wasn't easy for her to forgive him and he left Sam not her. I can tell you care, even if you try to hide it and maybe you've even convinced yourself you don't."

Renee looks at me and I tell her Jake has known her his whole life so he's probably right.

"OK well if you need anything please let me know." She walks out.

"Should I have not told her that?" He asks when she leaves.

"No, it's fine, you're probably right. And she really does want to get to know her sister; it would be much easier if she and Renee could get along." I tell him and he looks relieved.

"You don't mind staying with Jason tonight? Sue and Charlie will be here in a few hours so they can help out too." I ask him.

"I don't mind at all. I can bring him up here tomorrow too." He offers.

"Thanks Jake, I don't know what we would have done without you."

His phone rings, he says it's Sam, I'll be right back and hands Brooke back to me.


	26. Chapter 26

Sam's POV

I hate not being there for Bella right now. I know she's being taken care of between Josh and Jake but I still hate it. But I can't leave my shop and I agreed to run the studio plus Emily is pregnant so I didn't want to leave her.

We're driving up to see her this weekend, hopefully with Leah. Leah is being all weird and antisocial but she still loves Bella and Bella wants to see her I'm sure.

Emily is already sleeping and I'm lying next to her trying to sleep when my phone rings.

It's Leah and she's says she's so sorry to bother me but can I please come over. I tell her I'm on my way, wake Emily to tell her and go to her house.

Leah and I aren't really close, we're friends but it's more because we're both friends with Bella and Jake. She never comes to me for anything but then I guess all her other options are in another state at this moment.

I get to her house and walk in and she's sitting on the couch curled up crying.

"What is it Leah?"

"It hurts so bad Sam, something is wrong. I need to go to the hospital. I'm sorry to bother you but I didn't know who else to call. Can you take me?" She's crying so hard. Leah doesn't cry. The only other time I've seen her cry is when her dad died and then she had Jake and Bella and her mom.

I help her into the car and ask her if she wants me to call Jake or her mom. I know she broke up with Jake but they still love each other.

"Bella needs them." She whispers.

"No, Bella has Josh and Charlie. Who do you want me to call?" I ask her. She says to just wait and see what's wrong first.

We get to the ER and we have to wait for what seems like forever before a doctor comes in. I sit with her and hold her hand and think how strange it is to see her like this.

"I'm very sorry but you are having a miscarriage." The doctor tells her and she starts crying so hard. The doctor asks me if they can give her pain killers and I tell them sure, can't hurt right? I guess they assume we're together.

She finally calms down enough to talk.

"This is my fault Sam. I was so convinced I didn't want this baby, I caused this. Jake is never going to forgive me." She whispers.

"No Leah, Jake won't blame you for this. You did not cause this. It doesn't work like that." I try to convince her.

"I was starting to care." She whispers. "When he got back, I was going to tell him; maybe we could work things out. Maybe even try living together. I was starting to love this baby and I love Jake so much. I was just afraid to be Bella. The way Josh looks at her, it's so intense, like he wouldn't let her go even if she desperately wanted to get away. And I thought it was because of the baby but I think it's just them. She's happy. Isn't she?"

"Yeah it's just them. I think part of it is the age thing and part of it is the Bella is extremely insecure thing. He's so protective of her. She is happy but he would let her go if she wanted him too. But you and Jake are so different. You don't need to be protected, you're nothing like Bella and Jake is even more not like Josh. Jake will take you back and Leah you can still have a baby. I'm going to call Jake OK? You need him now and he would want to be with you." I tell her and she shakes her head yes.

I call Jake and tell him what happened and he tells me he will leave as soon as Charlie and Sue show up and does she want him and Sue or just him? I tell him I don't know, he knows Leah not me. He tells me he'll bring Sue back too. I ask him if Josh and Charlie will be OK without them and he says yeah everyone will be fine, plus Jillian's nanny is a huge help. He asks me not to leave her alone and I tell him I won't.

I go back to her and hold her hand while she cries until she finally drifts off to sleep. Jake calls me when Charlie and Sue get there to tell me that him and Sue are on the way back.

I sit with her until they show up. She wakes up and I tell her that they are on the way.

"Thank you Sam, for bringing me and staying with me. I know we aren't that close." She tells me quietly.

"I care about you Leah." I tell her and she says thanks again.

Sue comes rushing into the room and she holds Leah as Leah cries into her, I go out to see Jake.

"Thank you so much for taking care of her. Is she OK?" He asks.

"She's very upset and emotional and she feels guilty. She wanted the baby Jake. She needs you. How is Bella?"

"She's good, nervous about the surgery but Josh is there and he's so much better with her than he was when Jason was born. And Charlie is there for her and he can take Jason if Kylie, the nanny, needs him too. I had to tell her about Leah, I didn't want to stress her out but she knew something was up with both me and Sue coming back. I should go be with her now. Thanks again Sam." He walks into her room and I hear Leah tell him she's so sorry.

He tells her none of this is her fault and he loves her so much.

I go home to see Emily before I have to get ready for work.

_A/N I suck at timelines so can someone who please tell me who old they think Jason would be now and also how far along Emily would be in her pregnancy assuming she got pregnant soon after their wedding? I will love you forever if you can do that for me! _


	27. Chapter 27

Charlie's POV

Bella is in surgery and Jillian is already under so she'll be ready as soon as they take Bella's kidney. I cannot believe Josh agreed to this but I get his reasoning. You can't really tell someone they can't save someone else's life.

He could have told her no. For as stubborn and spoiled as she is he can tell her no and she listens. He doesn't do it often though or I would kill him. She is still my little girl. But this time he wouldn't tell her no even though I tried to talk him into her right after I tried to talk her out of it.

It's not that I want Renee's little girl to die but Bella is going to have a hard time recovering from having a baby and then giving a kidney. She's not the lay around and rest type so Josh is going to pretty much force her into it and she is not going to like that.

"Josh?" Renee comes into the room we are using to wait in, it's an empty patient room she arranged so Jason isn't running around the main waiting room and he can keep Brooke away from people without having to leave her in the nursery.

He looks at her and she tells him that she's out of surgery and he can see her as soon as she wakes up, everything went fine and there shouldn't be any complications. He tells her thank you and she asks me to come out with her for a minute.

"What is it Renee?" I ask her slightly annoyed.

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for walking out on you and Bella so long ago. I thought it was the only choice but it wasn't. I could have just left you and not her. I could have refused to quit school. I could have been stronger. But you raised an amazing daughter. So thank you for that. I want to try to be a part of her life." She tells me.

"Are you asking me? Because if the decision was mine I would tell you hell no but it is not my decision. It is Bella's. She's an amazing person, she'll forgive you. He won't like it but he won't stop her. And she'll be much more reluctant to let you in Jason and Brooke's life. You'll have to prove yourself to her first." I tell her.

"You're really OK with them being together?" She asks.

"Not that it is any of your business but yes I am. You've seen them together, they love each other. It took some getting used to; I mean we were friends in high school. I remember him and Alison and Alison practically raised Bella. He's good to her and he's good to the kids." I tell her.

"He was a jerk with Alison." She says and I just say yes.

"So where is Alison now?" She asks.

"Again not any of your business but she told Bella she had to pick between her and Josh and then she pretended to be over it and tried to turn Bella against him." I tell her.

"No wonder she has abandonment issues. Me and then Alison. I really am so sorry." She says. I actually never thought about Alison contributing to her abandonment issues.

"I think she's mostly past all that. He's helped her a lot but if you're going to be a part of her life you better be sure you plan to stay a part of her life." I tell her.

"Don't you worry about him walking out on her since he did it before?" She asks.

"No, I don't. I'm going back in there now; please let us know as soon as he can see her."

"Can you handle both of the babies while he's with her? I can help." She asks.

"I can handle it and I wouldn't let you near either of them without Bella saying it's OK." I tell her and she says oh right and then walks off.

"What did she want?" Josh asks as he hands me Brooke because Jason is trying to climb onto the bed.

"To tell me she wants to be a part of Bella's life and then she asks if I'm really OK with you two and then she offered to help me with them while you're with Bella."

"And you told her?" He asks as he grabs Jason from trying to run out the door.

"That I have no say in whether she's in her life, I approve of the two of you and I don't need her help." I tell him.

"Glad to know you approve." He laughs. "You could probably use her help though."

"It wouldn't have mattered if I hadn't approved and I would prefer Bella to still speak to me."

"Your support made things easier. And you're probably right; she should be the one to decide if Renee can be around them. I kind of hope she refuses to let Renee in our life. I don't really trust her. But I have a feeling Bella will give her a second chance." He tells me.

"She'll probably feel like she has too because of you." I point out.

"Damn I didn't even think about that."

"Don't worry about it. Just get her through this week and getting home. You know how hard it is going to be to keep her still and resting for 3-4 weeks especially with Jason?" I ask him.

"I'm not going back to the studio until she's fully recovered. Even then I think I may keep the guy I hired for this month on and just run the business side. I missed so much with Sam I want to be as involved with Jason and Brooke as I can be. So then I'll be able to chase Jason around and she can sit around and hold Brooke. Hopefully she'll be good with that. I need to get Jason something to eat before Bella wakes up. Can you stay here with Brooke? I'll take him with me and then bring him back in here to eat."

"You can leave him too; you'll be quicker without him." I lay Brooke on the bed and pick Jason up and as soon as Josh walks out of the room he starts screaming. Love you too kid.

"Jason, you have to be quiet or you'll make Brooke upset. You don't want your baby sister to be upset do you?" He keeps screaming. He is only 11 months old so I can't really blame him.

Soon Brooke is screaming too and so I put Jason down and pick her up, then he starts screaming up!up! This is just so much fun I think as I pick him up and balance them both.

The door opens and Renee walks in, looks at me, laughs and says you sure you can handle them both?

"They won't stop screaming." I tell her like it isn't obvious.

"Well from what I can tell Jason is spoiled rotten and Brooke is a day old. Does he take a pacifier?" She asks and I tell her I don't know. Sue or Bella always deals with him when he's like this, I just play with him. She goes through his bag and puts one in his mouth. He stops screaming and now he's just sniffling and he lays his head down on me. "Brooke is probably hungry; do you know where he put her bottles?" I tell her no but he should be back soon.

"Is she awake?"

"Oh no, I just wanted to tell him that Jillian's surgery is going well and should be over soon in case Bella asks. She should be awake soon though. Where did he go?"

"To get Jason some lunch."

"Oh well then can you please tell him about Jillian? I'll be back soon to get him for Bella." I tell her fine and thanks for the pacifier thing.

"She doesn't seem so bad does she Jason? I don't know. She screwed your mommy up pretty bad, your daddy is lucky she has Sam and Jake to talk her into things like being with him."

He's staring at the door probably waiting for Josh to come back.

"He's coming back soon; he just went to get you some lunch. I wonder if you're going to be picky like your mom. Hopefully not, I'm surprised she survived on what she grew up on. She was kind of a spoiled kid. She's still pretty spoiled. Your daddy loves her very much and they both love you and Brooke. Can I put you down? I really don't want to drop your sister." He shakes his head no.

Josh comes back a few minutes later with some gross looking chicken stuff and some jello.

"Sorry buddy this is all they had." Jason looks at it and shakes his head no. "Just a bite?" More head shaking. "You want a bag of cookies?" Jason shakes his head yes.

Josh gives him a snack size pack of Oreos and tells him not to tell mommy.

"Mama, mama, mama." He babbles.

"She's sleeping buddy, she should wake up soon and then you're going to stay with Grandpa again. And then I'll come get you and we can go see her together." He tells him.

Then he makes Brooke a bottle and takes her from me to feed her.

Renee comes back in and tells us she's awake.

"Did you seriously give him cookies for lunch?" She asks him.

"The food here is crap, at least he's eating. OK, Jason I'm going to see mommy now. Be a good boy." Jason shakes his head no.

At least he's honest about his intentions.


	28. Chapter 28

Leah's POV

Today is Bella birthday and Jason 1st birthday party and Josh and Emily and my mom planned it all so Bella wouldn't stress out about it. She demanded it be all about Jason but Josh took her to lunch and the movies and shopping yesterday now that she can move around more. The last month has been fun to watch. She hates to be stuck at home so Josh managed to keep her home for all of a week. After that she demanded she be let out or she would kill him. I think he believed her so they compromised on going to the beach while he played with Jason and she sat with Brooke most days and she spent a lot of time with us watching movies and eating junk food like we used to before Josh and Emily except now with Emily. She's cool though.

Jake and I are telling everyone we're married today. After my miscarriage I realized I want more out of life then what I could get on my own. We got married 3 days after he brought me home and I moved in with him soon after. Obviously everyone knows that. We're planning on selling both of our houses and buying a bigger one.

We're going to start trying to have a baby in another month or so. I still have my doubts about my mothering skills but when I watch Jake with Jason and Brooke I know we'll be fine. Bella is a natural mother, Josh on the other hand has no idea what is he doing. I find it amusing since he's almost twice her age and went through at least some of this with Sam. But Bella makes him better at it, she's so calm about everything now that's she's not pregnant. I trust in Jake to be the calm one when I'm flipping out because the baby won't stop screaming. I'm kind of hoping my baby just doesn't ever scream but I find that doubtful.

Brooke is a good baby, she cries when she's hungry and tired. Jason is a freaking terror. He's either running around like a maniac or clinging to Bella. Jake offered to babysit him the other day and he walked out of the room for a minute and Jason pulled every book off a book shelf and then grabbed a pen and drew all over the white couch. It is totally a good thing he's so cute.

Bella and Josh adore them both though and the more I watch the 4 of them together the more I want that. Not exactly that but the general idea I guess.

"You ready to go Leah?" Jake asks and I tell him yeah let me just grab my bag and Jason's present. We got him a little dump truck you can ride on. I'm pretty sure he already has something like it but the kid has everything so it was cute and I bought it.

We get there and even from outside the house you can tell it is chaos in there. We walk in and Jason runs up to Jake yelling up!up! Jake laughs and picks him and tells him Happy Birthday like he has any idea what that means.

I tell him Happy Birthday and kiss his cheek then he squirms out of Jake's arms and takes off running.

Everyone is so happy, for the first time in a long time there is no drama. No long lost parent showing up or impending surgeries or most of all hormonal Bella. She's almost back to normal with her emotions and I happen to like her much better like this. I don't do emotions well and normal Bella is far less needy and whiny than pregnant Bella. I need to find her, I want to tell her about Jake and me getting married before we announce it to everyone else.

I look around the room but I don't see her. Josh is in the kitchen giving Jason cookies though.

"Josh, where is Bella? I need to tell her something." I ask him.

"She's in our room feeding Brooke, you can go in there with her, she won't mind. She just doesn't like to do it with a lot of people."

I smile and tell him thanks.

I walk upstairs to their room and walk in.

"Hey Leah, she's sleeping. I'm going to put her down soon and come back I just wanted the quiet for a few more minutes. Is Josh OK with Jason?" She asks. Sitting on the bed holding her month old baby she looks so perfect. Like this is what she was meant for.

"Yep, he's feeding him cookies." I tell her.

"Great, all the kid needs before cake is more sugar. Josh is such a pushover with him." She laughs.

"Like he is with you?" I ask her and she laughs and says yeah I guess so. "I'm sorry about all those things I said to you that day at lunch. I'm glad you're happy. I really am. He's perfect for you."

"Are you happy Leah? With Jake." She asks.

"I hope so; I'm married to him so I'm kind of stuck."

"Huh?" She asks completely confusion on her face.

"We did it at the courthouse, 3 days after I came home from the hospital. What happened… it made me realize I want to be with him no matter what."

"Holy crap Leah!" She screams then says oh shit and whispers I mean holy crap Leah. "Come sit."

I sit with her and she lays Brooke down and hugs me.

"This is so awesome!" She squeals.

"You're more excited than I am." I laugh. "We're telling everyone today, I wanted you to be the first to know. Not even my mom knows so she might actually kill me. I love you Bella, I know growing up it was always you and Sam and me and Jake but I love you, you're practically my sister. One day you'll probably actually be my sister."

"And then Jake will be my brother in law and Sam is my step son so we'll really all be family." She jokes and I laugh. Brooke jumps but doesn't wake up. "Let's take her to her room." She whispers.

"Did Josh do her room too?" I ask her. It's amazing. It's pink but not overly girly.

"Yep. He's awesome isn't he?" She's so happy, it's kind of gross.

"This room is really amazing." She puts Brooke down and we go back to her room, I guess she's still not ready for ready to be with people.

"So you're happy? Are you going to have kids? Because like Sam says we need someone for our kids to be weird with."

"Haha, I'm thinking maybe one kid so they'll all have to fight over them I guess. Maybe 2 but farther apart than Jason and Brook and than Emily is talking about. She's still pregnant talking about the next one."

We sit in her room and talk about things we don't normally talk about like babies and marriage and sex.

"You should learn to cook Leah. It's kind of fun." She tells me and I roll my eyes.

"Like a good little housewife? No. Jake can learn to cook."

After a while longer she decides we should go back down to the party even though she doesn't really seem like she wants to.

"What are you avoiding?" I ask her and she looks kind of surprised.

"Nothing it's stupid." She says.

"Seriously? I know I'm not Sam but you can tell me anything. Actually you can probably tell me things you shouldn't tell Sam since you're screwing his dad." She glares and says he's heard it all. I'm hoping it was before he knew who Josh was for the sake of Sam.

"Fine, it just drives me nuts when the whole family is together and everyone groups off Josh ends up hanging out with my dad and Sue when I'm with you and Jake and Sam and Emily. And they talk about boring as hell stuff. I know he's friends with them but usually when he's with them I'm with you and everyone but it's not in the same house." She whines and I laugh.

"Just wear a low cut shirt, that'll keep his focus on you. Your boobs are huge." I tell her laughing.

"I hate you Leah. I will not use my boobs at my son's birthday party. I might it try it for Christmas or something though. I told you it was stupid." She pouts and I laugh her.

"Hey I'm sorry, it's not stupid. But it makes sense that he would hang out with them and not us. They were friends in high school. And it's not like he ever neglects or ignores you or doesn't help with the kids. I mean right now he's probably down there giving Jason cookie after cookie. Come on, I have people to piss of with a surprise marriage and you have a kid to peel from the walls." I hold my hand out to her and we walk down together.

"Can I tell them?" She whispers. I tell her sure.

"Everyone! Leah and Jake got married!" She screams.

Jake smiles at me from across the room and then everyone is telling us congratulations and it's about time and all that other crap.

The rest of the party goes as well as expected with a way hopped up on sugar center of attention. After Jason is crashed and Brooke is out for the night we start drinking which is weird with my mom here but no one really seems to care. We all start to group off as Bella puts it. Josh walks into the kitchen and I follow him.

"It bugs her when we're all together and you end up with Charlie and my mom. I get you don't want to hang out with all of us but maybe just try to make sure she doesn't feel like you're ignoring her or something." I tell him.

"Do I ignore her?" He asks.

"No. I'm just saying maybe come over to her more often or something. It's Bella we're talking about." I tell him.

"Thanks Leah and congratulations."

"Thanks." I smile and walk back out to everyone.

After Bella crashes on the couch everyone starts to leave.

In the car Jake is all smiley and annoying.

"What is your problem?" I finally snap.

"I love you so much Leah and I'm just so happy that you're really mine now. Soon all the screaming and cake in the hair will be us." He tells me happily. He is such a girl sometimes.

"I'm not yours. You don't own me, if anything I own you." I tell him and he laughs and says he can deal with that.


	29. Chapter 29

Josh's POV

Before we left the hospital after Bella's surgery Renee told her how sorry she was for the way she treated her both by leaving her as a baby and telling her she never loved her when she showed up with Sam. She told her that she wouldn't let herself love her because she was afraid of being trapped and she told Bella that no matter what she will always be grateful to her for saving Jillian's life and hopes she and Jillian can get to know each other better. Then she asked if she could be a part of her and Jason and Brooke's life.

From the look on Bella's face I could tell she was torn. Renee leaving her messed her up but it also kind of shaped her life. She spent so long hating her but she spent all that time hating me too. She looked at me like what do I do? I wanted so much to just tell her not to let Renee in her life, in my kid's life but I couldn't. In the end I'm no better than Renee and Sam not only forgave me but helped Bella forgive me too. I told her it's all up to her; I would support her either way.

She told Renee she was willing to get to know her but it would be a while before she would let her anywhere near Jason or Brooke.

For the next 6 months they met every couple of weeks half way between here and there and Bella got to know both Jillian and Renee but never with the kids.

Today Renee and her husband are bringing Jillian here to spend part of the summer and Bella is a nervous wreck.

"I don't know what to make for lunch." She tells me like it's the most important thing in the world.

"You need to chill out, make whatever you want or we can order something." I tell her.

"What if they don't like it?" She asks me like I'm stupid.

"Sweetheart most people aren't nearly as picky as you are. We'll order pizza, everyone likes pizza." I tell her.

"Maybe doctors don't eat pizza." She argues.

"Well 11 years olds do and you do and Jason does so I'm willing to take that risk." I laugh and she sticks her tongue out at me and says fine.

A few minutes later they show up and as soon as Bella answers the door and Jillian bounces through Bella seems to forget she was freaking out.

Bella officially introduces them all to Jason and Brooke and Jason is all over Jillian which is odd for him. He usually sticks to people he knows. Brooke on the other hand loves everyone; I'm hoping she stays like that.

We eat lunch and talk about our plans with Jillian which is mostly the beach. Bella would live on the beach if she could I think, she takes Jason and Brooke almost every day. Jason loves it and even Brooke seems happier outside.

Phil and I go out to the car to get Jillian's things and then we show her to the room she'll be staying in.

Renee is telling Bella everything she can possibly think to tell her about Jillian.

"Renee, she's going to be fine. They're going to take care of her; you can call her every day." Phil tells her.

"Renee, I promise I will treat her like I would want someone to treat Jason or Brooke. She'll be fine and you can call and Skype and you're only 5 hours away." Bella tells her.

"She's never stayed with anyone besides Kylie." She tells her.

"Mom, I'm going to be fine. She gave me her kidney; she's going to make sure I live. Otherwise it would have been a waste." Jillian jokes.

"I love you Jillian." Renee tells her and she tells her I love you too and then she hugs both of them goodbye.

As soon as they are gone Bella and Jillian get ready to go to the beach.

"Are you coming?" Bella asks me.

"No, go have fun with her, I'll keep the kids. What do you want for dinner?" I ask her.

She asks Jillian who says she doesn't care, she'll eat anything. Bella looks at her like she's insane.

"Fine, just make whatever then." She tells.

"Very helpful sweetheart. Sam and Emily are coming for dinner and then I told them we would keep Ryan for the night until sometime tomorrow afternoonish." I tell her.

"He's still not sleeping is he?"

"Nope." He's just 3 months old but he's very needy even for an infant. Sam says Emily is exhausted to the point of non-functional and even though he wakes up with him often she doesn't sleep through it. She's getting about 4 hours of sleep a day, she's rethinking wanting 4 kids though so Sam is actually kind of glad for that.

"OK well then we'll be back around 5 OK?" I tell her not to worry about it and kiss her goodbye.

"No leave me mama." Jason grabs her leg as soon as he realizes she's leaving.

"I'll only get gone for a couple of hours baby. You stay with daddy and Brooke." He starts crying and she tells him fine, let's go get you ready.

And I'm the pushover.

After she gets Jason ready they all leave me here with just Brooke now who is content chilling out and watching TV with me. She falls asleep lying on my chest and I must have fallen asleep because the ringing doorbell scares the crap out of both of us. Bella would kill me for falling asleep holding her. She's a bit overprotective.

"Come on Brooke let's see who's at the door, it's probably Sam hoping to get rid of Ryan early." She's still crying from being woken up.

I open the door to Alison. I do not want to deal with her crap right now but at least Bella isn't here.

"I see you still have no idea how to take care of your kids." She tells me with way too much attitude.

"I'm not in the mood for your crap Alison, what do you want?"

"I miss Bella." She tells me. I let her come in because I have a feeling I'm not getting rid of her easily and I need to feed Brooke.

"Well you should have thought about missing Bella before you tried to poison her against me. Go home Alison."

"Why do you call me Alison?"

"Because it's your name, what else would I call you?" I ask her confused.

"You always called me Ali."

"Oh yeah that bothered Bella since I was the only that called you that so I told her I would stop." I tell her.

"Bella gets everything she wants doesn't she?" She asks bitterly.

"Why shouldn't Bella get everything she wants?" I ask her.

"You were mine." She tells me quietly.

"Alison that was so long ago and it wasn't right. We weren't right for each other. I shouldn't have just disappeared because of Sam but we would have never lasted. And obviously Bella had nothing to do with me leaving since she was just a freaking infant. I never loved you like I love her. You're supposed to love her too, you were like a mother to her and you abandoned her and then pushed her to near exhaustion by lying to her." I tell her.

"It's not fair having to watch you play the good husband and father to her and her kids!" She yells.

"They're my kids too. Bella never meant for this to happen. She wouldn't have agreed to have gone out with me if she had known who I was but does she really deserve to suffer because of our life together? You had to know she was miserable because everyone else knows. Do you really think Charlie liked the idea of us together? Or even Sam? But they love her like she thought you loved her." I finish feeding Brooke and lay her in her pack n play. "This was never about you Alison."

"When did you decide to walk out on me and Sam?" She asks.

"I don't think I ever really decided, I just drove one day and I realized that I couldn't stand you or me or us together anymore. I did love you Alison but it was more of a first love, high school love that you think is all that matters. But then life happens and it's not enough. We were not enough. I was young and stupid and selfish and I just drove. I couldn't handle life anymore, I couldn't handle working all the time and then you running off with Sarah as soon as I got home leaving me with Sam. I could've handle things better but then you could have too."

"And then if you decide you can't handle this?" She asks and for the first time I wonder if this is about her or if she really is worried about Bella and just really mishandling it.

"It's so different now Alison. Bella is everything to me, she makes me a better person. I would never leave her. And I would never just disappear on Sam or Jason or Brooke. I know how lucky I am that Sam forgave me and that Bella forgave me and that I have a second chance to be to Jason and Brooke who I wasn't to Sam. I wouldn't do anything to ruin that." I tell her.

"What about the age difference? Don't you think Bella deserves to be with someone she can spend her whole life with?" She asks.

"Either one of us could die tomorrow. I don't know what your goal is here but you're not going to convince me to leave her. Please just go home and leave her alone." I ask her.

"I really do miss her and I miss Sam too, he comes but he's distance and I know it's because of her. She always comes first." She sounds so sad, I almost feel bad for her. "I barely even know Ryan."

"Emily and Ryan come first to Sam. It was hard for both of them but they don't depend on each other so much anymore. If you can promise me you won't get all bitter and crap I will ask Bella if she minds you staying for dinner. Sam and Emily will be here but so will Bella's little sister, so none of this negative crap." She agrees and Bella agrees to letting her stay, I think Bella is so happy with her Jillian and the beach she would agree to anything but I know she misses Alison too and Alison really does seem concerned about her.

"Can I pick her up?" She asks about Brooke and I tell her yes and just hope Bella doesn't hate me.

I tell her I need to start dinner and she asks what I'm making.

"Um probably chicken tenders and salad."

"She's still overly picky I guess?" She asks laughing and I shake my head yes.

"What are you doing here Mom?" Sam asks as he walks in through the kitchen. Bella is always forgetting to lock that door.

"I came to see Bella and I'm going to stay for dinner, is that OK with you?" She asks him worriedly.

"Not my house." He answers her looking at me.

"She said it was fine." I tell him and he relaxes.

Soon after Sam and Emily come Bella and Jillian and Jason come home with Jason crashed in Bella's arms. I take him from her and take him upstairs.

I hear her saying hi to everyone and introduce Jillian and when I come back she smiles at me so I know she's not upset about Alison holding Brooke. I walk to where she's sitting on a barstool and wrap my arms around her; she leans back into me and whispers I love you. I kiss her head and tell her I love her too.

"She's so beautiful Bella, and so happy. She reminds me of you when you were this age." Alison tells her looking at me. She really does look a lot like Bella did as a baby.

"What is this Alison?" Bella asks her.

"I miss you." Alison tells her.

"You miss me or you miss Sam?" Bella asks her. She knows her well.

"I miss both of you Bella. You are like a daughter to me, or you were before I messed up. I hate that I don't even know your kids."

"They're Josh's kids too. Can you get over that? Or is this just another plot to destroy us?" Bella asks her.

Emily asks Jillian to come help her in the kitchen. Jillian looks disappointed but she follows her anyways. Sam takes Brooke from Alison and follows them.

"I don't know Bella, I can try." She tells her.

"Fine, you can stay but the first negative thing you say towards Josh or anyone else you are out of my house and my life and you will not get another chance." She tells her and then she gets up and hugs her and walks into the kitchen. Only Bella.

"You raised her well Alison. She's so loving and forgiving. She is an amazing mother and wife."

"I might have raised her, but you made her strong. She would have never stood up to me like that before. You really do love her don't you?" She asks me.

"Yes. I really do Alison. So please tell me you're done trying to turn her against me?"

"Yeah I'm done. I want her in my life and if that means I occasionally have to deal with you then OK. Are you OK with me being in your life and Jason and Brooke's life?" She asks.

"Bella really does get pretty much anything she wants." I tell her laughing. It's true. "I don't hate you Alison and I really am sorry for leaving and for coming back like this."

At dinner everyone is talking and laughing and I'm thinking about how crazy this family is.

My daughter is only a few months older than my grandson.

After dinner Alison leaves and soon after Sam and Emily leave and Bella and Jillian take over the TV watching a bunch of girl movies I'm not sure Jillian should be watching with Brooke snuggled up with Bella and Ryan screaming his head off upstairs with me. Jason is running up and down the stairs between us.

I'm pacing the room trying to get Ryan to quit screaming when Bella comes in with a struggling Jason.

"Trade?" I give her Ryan and grab Jason before he escapes. He almost immediately calms down. She tells him he's lucky she loves his daddy or he would so not be spending the night.

"Where's Jillian?" I ask her and she tells me she fell asleep on the couch and Brooke is sleeping her in pack n play. "How are you with the whole Alison thing?"

"I kind of feel bad for making you deal with her." She tells me.

"She's Sam's mom Bella, it would be nice to be able to have birthday parties and holidays without him having to worry about who to invite." I tell her and she says yeah I guess that's true.

"You go to bed, I'll go get Brooke and get Jason down, and maybe you should take that one with you." I tell her and she laughs and says fine.

By time I get Brooke and Jason to bed Bella is sleeping with Ryan sleeping peacefully next to her. I very gently move him to the bassinet still set up from Brooke.

She's so beautiful. I love her more and more every day.


	30. Chapter 30

Renee's POV

We are sitting down to dinner when the doorbell rings. I get up and open it to Bella and Jason and Brooke. Bella bursts into tears as soon as I open the door. Jillian comes and grabs both of the babies' hands and leads them into the house.

I'm confused. Over the last couple of years we've gotten closer and Jillian and Bella are as close as if they had known each other their whole lives but she's never just shown up looking like this. We don't really talk about her problems unless it's about Jason or Brooke. She has Josh and her dad and all her friends for that.

"Come in Bella, what's wrong?" I ask her.

"He's dead." She cries.

"Who?"

"My dad."

"Oh honey I am so sorry and you are more than welcome to stay here but where is Josh?" I ask her cautiously. He's doesn't seem like the type to let her take off with the kids in a time like this.

"I told him I just needed time to think, process. I told him I was going to the beach with the kids. They love the beach and I always go there just to think. He told me he would come to check on me in an hour or so. He didn't want to let me go but he didn't want to push either. Then I drove here. I'm leaving him because I cannot handle one more person leaving me" She explains to me as if this is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

"Why would he leave you?" I ask her completely not getting this whole thing.

"She means die mom. Think about it, her dad just died and Josh is older than him. That's what she means." Jillian explains.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry honey. But does Josh know where you and the kids are? He's going to be a wreck if he doesn't know."

"No! He'll come get me and then I won't want to leave him but I have too. Jason and Brooke, they're little. They'll forget him. I won't forget him but I'll be OK. You cannot tell him mom." Oh holy crap this is bad. In her mind this all makes perfect sense, I can tell but I know it's just the combination of her grief and her long standing abandonment issues. Plus she just called me mom; she has never called me mom before.

"What about the funeral Bella?" I ask her hoping to make her realize she can't just run.

"He's dead. He won't miss me. And Sue has Leah. I'm really tired and so are Jason and Brooke. Can I sleep here just for a few days? Then I'll figure out where I'm going to go."

"Oh course Bella; do you want them to sleep with you or in the other room?" I ask her and she says with her is fine.

Jillian offers to show her to the room and help get the kids upstairs. I follow to find her something to sleep in. I don't have anything for Jason and Brooke. If she's going to be here for a while I'll go out and get them some things.

I'm about to walk in the room and give her the shirt and shorts but I stop to listen to Jillian talk to her. The kids are quiet, they must be exhausted. Jason is almost 3 and is a handful, always on the go. Brooke is almost 2 and while a much calmer child she is still very active. I wonder sometimes which one is more like Bella was as a baby.

Jillian is telling her that death isn't a formula, that just because her dad died doesn't mean that Josh is going to die soon or even before her or the kids. She tells her if not for Bella she would be dead already and she's just a kid. I have to stop from laughing; she hates it when I tell her she's just a kid. She tells her Josh loves her so much and he's probably a nervous wreck and he probably has everyone looking for her and worrying when they should be focused on taking care of Sue. Bella agrees to call him and I listen in, she tells him she loves him but she can't be left anymore. She and the kids are fine. She'll call him in a few days to check in. Jillian tells them all good night and kisses the kids and walks out. I hug her and tell her I'm proud of her and then take Bella the extra clothes.

Brooke is already asleep and Jason is cuddled up as close to Bella as he can get.

"Thanks Renee, I'm sorry about calling you mom earlier." She tells me.

"I liked it Bella but either is fine. I'll go out in the morning and get you and the kids some clothes and diapers. Is there anything else you need?" She says no and not to worry about it. "Goodnight and please don't call Josh. I called him, he knows we're OK." I give her a sad smile and kiss the babies good night.

"Good night Bella, I am so sorry about your dad." I walk out and collapse against the wall and listen until I hear her and Jason's breathing changing so I know they are both asleep.

I walk back down and Jillian hands me Bella's phone and demands I call Josh.

"Jillian she doesn't want him to know. I don't know…" I tell her.

"Mom you walked on her as a baby and then told her you never loved her. She forgave you and your close now. She called you mom. Now be a real mom to her and do this because it's the right thing even though you know it's going to piss her off. She's talking out of grief and you know it. She needs him now more than ever and you know he is going to be worried sick about her and Jason and Brooke. You call him like a good mom or I'll call him." She demands. My daughter is way too smart for her age. She also happens to adore Josh, she spends most of her summers there and all of Bella's friends and family love her and her them.

I look at Phil and he says you know she's right. So I call.

"_Bella? Please tell me where you are? I won't even come if you don't want me too. I'll leave you alone until you're ready or I'll send Sam or Jake." _

"Josh, it's Renee. She came here. She and the kids are OK. I mean she's physically fine but in her mind she has to leave you before you die and leave her and the kids. She says they are little so they'll forget and she can't handle anyone else leaving her."

"_I'm on my way. Thank you Renee. She told you about Charlie then?" _

"Yes, she's not going to be happy you're here but you deserved to know. She needs you."

We say good bye and hang up.

"He's coming?" Jillian asks and I tell her of course.

"She won't hate you forever mom. She loves you." She comforts me.

We sit back down to dinner but no one really eats.

Jason starts crying and Jillian runs up to get him before he wakes Bella and Brooke. She comes downstairs with him.

"You want something to eat Jason?" She asks him. He shakes his head yes and she hands him to me so she can make him a plate. I hold him while he asks what everything is and then tastes everything cautiously. Bella is apparently very picky but he doesn't seem picky, just cautious.

"I want my mama." He tells Jillian.

"She's sleeping with Brooke; you want to watch a movie with me?" Jillian asks him and he jumps off me and follows her into the living room.

She puts on some kid movie she finds on Netflix and he falls back asleep on the couch.

"You're good with him Jillian." I tell her and she smiles and says he practically attaches himself to her whenever she stays with them.

"She's going to be OK right mom? She's going to get over being mad and go home with Josh and be OK?" She asks. There is the 13 year old under all the I'm too smart for my ageness.

"Honey you know them both better than I do but I would imagine so. Even if she really wanted to leave Josh everyone else is in La Push too. She wouldn't give up all her friends and I highly doubt she would keep Jason and Brooke away from their entire family. She's just a little disoriented right now. Grief does crazy things." I tell her honestly.

"I want to be a grief counselor I think." She tells me.

"The way you were with Bella, I think you would be excellent at it. Why don't you finish your dinner then shower? I'll watch Jason and listen for Brooke." I tell her and she reluctantly agrees.

At bedtime she argues she's not sleeping until Josh gets here because Jason and Brooke know her better than anyone and Bella needs sleep and she's not going to school tomorrow.

"Let her stay up Renee, she's worried and she's kind of right. If either of them wake up to us they'll just wake Bella up and she does need her sleep. She's going to need all the strength for the fight she's going to have with Josh." Phil tells me and I tell them both fine though I doubt they'll fight.

When Brooke starts crying Jillian feeds her and gets her back to sleep on the couch next to Jason and then drifts in and out of sleep on the other for the next few hours until Josh shows up. Bella never wakes up, I'm kind of worried about her but Jillian assures me that when she cries herself to sleep she sleeps hard. Jillian is so mothering, must be from Kylie and maybe from Bella.

Josh shows up and knocks quietly not wanting to wake anyone up but Brooke wakes up anyways.

"Daddy!" She runs to him and he picks her up and hugs her and kisses her and tells her he loves her so much.

Jillian mumbles that's she staying here for the night with Jason and nobody argues with her.

I tell him Bella is sleeping and he's says he yeah he figured she cries herself to sleep.

"She's going to be pissed at me." I tell him.

"Probably but don't worry about it. She'll realize you were doing it for her eventually and she loves Jillian too much to cut you out of her life. Thanks for taking care of them."

"Jillian took care of Jason and Brooke." I tell him.

"Yeah she is amazing with them." He tells me. Brooke is laying her head on his shoulder trying to fight sleep.

"You need sleep Brooke; you want to sleep with Jason on the couch?" He asks her.

"Stay you daddy."

"OK baby, you stay with me." He kisses her head.

"Bella is upstairs do you want sleep with her or the room next to that one, you and Brooke can sleep in there? I think Jillian will freak out of she wakes up and Jason is gone." I tell him.

He tells me he'll take the other room so Bella doesn't flip out in the middle of the night.

"Um if you don't mind me asking how did Charlie die? All she said was he died. I thought she meant you at first." I ask him.

"Heart attack, he was alone and Sue found him and it was too late. Then Bella said she just needed so time to process, she was going to take the kids to the beach. I gave her some time but she wasn't there. Then for the next few hours until she called Sam and Alison and I were all looking for her, I didn't think she would just take off and drive. It was pretty stupid actually, to drive as upset as she is with the kids in the car. I don't think I can handle it if anything happens to any of them." He looks like he's about to break down.

"I don't think she can handle you being mad at her Josh." I warn him.

"No of course not, I'm not even mad. I was just so worried." He tells me and Brooke puts her hand on his face.

"You kay daddy?" She asks him and he smiles and tells her he's fine.

"OK thanks again for taking care of them, I'm going to go lay down with her." He tells me and Phil shows him the extra room.

I look at my daughter sleeping on the couch and my grandson sleeping on the other couch and think how lucky I am to have all of these people in my life even if I don't deserve any of them.

"You coming to bed Renee?" Phil asks and I tell him I'm not really tired, I'll be up in a few minutes.

I sit on the chair and watch them sleep when I hear Bella coming down the stairs.


	31. Chapter 31

Bella's POV

I wake up alone and in total darkness. I know I'm not in my bed but I it takes me a minute to remember where I am. Then I remember I fell asleep in the guest room at Renee's house with Jason and Brooke next to me but they aren't next to me anymore.

I get up quickly and walk downstairs, Jason is sleeping on the couch with Jillian on the other couch but no Brooke.

"Bella? Are you OK?" Renee asks me walking out of the kitchen.

"Where's Brooke?" I ask her slightly panicked.

"Oh honey she's upstairs with… in the other bed. We didn't want them to wake you. I'm sorry you got scared, she's fine though." She tells me.

"You called him!" I yell at her.

"Bella of course I called him. Where you really just going to take his kids and run away?" She asks me in that you're being crazy voice.

"Yes that is the plan. Thanks for making it harder. I do not want to be left again. Jason and Brooke will never even miss him." I tell her.

"Bella you leaving him so he doesn't leave you doesn't make any sense. You hated me and him for most of your life because we left. Do you think taking his kids from him is any better? You have so many issues because I left you. Do you want Jason and Brooke to have those same issues? What are you going to tell them? He doesn't want them? He died? And then think what you would be doing to him. He loves you and them so much Bella. You're really going to walk away from a man that loves you and his kids more than himself and would do anything for any of you because you're afraid?" She asks and I think about it.

"I'm so scared Renee. You left me and then Alison stopped talking to me and now my dad is dead. It's too much." I tell her trying not to cry.

"Bella if I could change the past I would but can you really just walk away from Josh and live your life being miserable and knowing he's even more miserable because not only did he lose you but his kids too? Do you think he would do anything but try to find you? Do you really think you could give up all your family and friends?" She asks.

"He's going to be so mad at me." I whisper. He is never going to forgive me.

"No, he's not mad. I told him why you came and he was just so worried about you Bella. He understands you're in pain. Why don't you go up there to him? I doubt he's asleep, he just went to lay with Brooke."

I ask her if I should take Jason up and he says no, Jillian will be upset if he wakes up and he's gone.

"One of us will make sure you know if he needs you honey. Just go see Josh."

I look at Jason one last time, he's crashed and I know she's right. Jillian is one of his favorite people and she takes awesome care of him whenever she comes to stay with us.

I walk very slowly up the stairs and into the room. He's lying down and I think he's actually asleep. Brooke is lying with her feet tucked under his back. I was so stupid to think keeping them away from him was a good idea. I start to close the door when I hear him very quietly call my name.

"Did I wake you?" I ask him.

"No I was just lying here. I tried to get up but she started whining in her sleep. Come lie down." He tells me.

"I woke up and they were both gone. I was scared." I tell him lying down on him.

"I know the feeling. What were you thinking sweetheart? Taking them and running away. Did you really think I would just let you go?" He asks me.

"I'm so sorry Josh. I wasn't thinking right. I was just thinking I can't handle one more person leaving me and that Jason and Brooke didn't need to remember you if you're just going to die. You're a year older than him, and their just babies." I sob into him.

"Sweetheart I get it, I do. You're scared. But this doesn't mean I'm going to die. You could die tomorrow in a car accident or a bank robbery. I could live to be a hundred. Please tell me you're not going to run away again?"

"I won't run again. I think I would have come back. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?" I ask him quietly.

"Nothing to forgive Bella. Your dad just died, you're allowed to be unstable. Just do not leave me again." He demands.

"I won't, I promise you. I love you Josh." I tell him kissing his chest.

"I love you too sweetheart, did you check on Jason?"

"Yes, he's sleeping on the couch with Jillian on guard."

"Good then go to sleep; we really need to leave in the morning." He tells me.

"Josh?"

"Hmm?"

"You're really not mad?"

"I'm really not mad."

I fall asleep using his chest as my pillow. I wake up to an empty bed again but this time there is light from the window.

I walk downstairs and Josh has both Brooke and Josh on the couch watching cartoons and eating pop tarts.

Jason sees me and jumps off the couch and into my arms. Brooke smiles but stays right by her daddy. I cannot believe I even considered separating them.

"Jillian wants to come home with us for a week. Renee and Phil say it's fine if it's OK with you. She wants to help with them while we're taking care of other things and while we're at the funeral." He tells me.

"What about school?"

"She's can catch up and Renee is pretty sure she can get her excused on family leave or something." He explains.

"Do you want her to come?" I ask him, having her there to help with Jason and Brooke would be nice.

"I think it would be nice to have her help but it's really up to you."

"OK then yeah, is she coming back with us today?" I ask him and he tells me yes. "I don't want to go back. I don't want to see Sue, and I don't want to plan the funeral and then see him just lying there. Sleeping, he's never going to wake up. He's never going to play with Jason or Brooke again. He's never going to tell me he loves me again. I can't do this." I start crying again.

He gets up and wraps his arms around me and holds me while I cry.

"We have to go back Bella. You can't miss the funeral, you'll regret it. You don't have to do any of the planning; I'll take care of it. I'll take care of everything. But you need to be with everyone and you need to say goodbye." He tries to convince me.

"I'm not going to go back willingly. Are you going to make me?" I ask him.

"Yes Bella I am going to make you go back to be with your family and friends and go to the funeral. I am not going to let you live the rest of your life regretting it." He tells me and I stare at him for a minute in shock.

"This is my decision Josh; you cannot force me into anything. I'm staying here for a while."

"Bella you are coming. I'm not arguing with you about this. I'm going to get Jason and Brooke ready and tell Jillian to get ready. Go get dressed." He demands.

"You're seriously just going to order me around like I am some child? I am your wife dammit! You cannot tell me what to do!" I scream at him.

"Bella I'm not trying to be mean. I get you're upset, he's your dad. You loved him. He was my friend; he was Sue's husband and Leah's stepdad and Jason and Brooke and Melissa's grandfather. You're not the only one going through this sweetheart and you need to be with them for you and for them."

"She thinks she can pretend it's not real here but as soon as she's home she can't avoid it anymore." Jillian walks in. "You need to stop fighting, you're upsetting Brooke. Bella please just get ready so we can go, your dad is dead no matter where you are and they need you just as much as you need them. Especially Leah. This is going to be like her dad dying all over again, she is going to need you and Jake to help her get through it just like you need her and Josh and Sam. All of you are a little co-dependent except for Josh because he's not really part of your group; he's just married to you. "

"You got all of this from spending the summer with us?" I ask her kind of pissed off and kind of impressed.

"I watch and listen a lot." She says shrugging her shoulders like it's no big deal.

"Bella, can you please go get ready now?" Josh asks.

"Fine."

30 minutes later we are on the way home.


	32. Chapter 32

Josh's POV

"Are you ready sweetheart? We have to leave in just a few minutes. Emily just got here." I ask Bella and she shakes her head yes and takes my hand and walks down with me. She knows if she starts talking she'll start crying and she's trying to not cry. Charlie died 4 days ago and she spends most of her time sleeping. She's depressed and I don't know what to do. No one knows what to do. The only people she'll even talk to is Leah and Jillian and Leah isn't doing much better than she is. She had gotten very close to Charlie after him and Sue got married and even more after Melissa was born and he treated her just like he did Jason and Brooke.

Emily is here with Ryan to help Jillian with Jason and Brooke and Melissa.

Jason runs to her and she picks him up and kisses him then puts him down.

"Are you sure you'll be OK with them and Melissa?" She asks Emily and Jillian but more Jillian.

Emily wanted 4 kids before they had Ryan. I think she would give anything to not have him some days. He's on his best day a difficult child and Emily does not deal with him well. She went back to work as soon as she could and then started taking college classes and Bella takes care of him most days. She's naturally calmer with him than Emily is and he seems to feed off of that.

"We'll be fine Bella and then Jake is going to pick us up and take us to Sam's. Don't worry about them. Are you hungry? You really should eat before you go." Bella just shakes her head yes and Jillian hands her an apple and makes her some toast.

"Thank you Jillian for everything." She whispers and she nibbles on the toast.

"You're welcome Bella." She tells her and hugs her.

Bella starts crying and Jillian whispers I'm sorry to me. I tell her she didn't do anything.

We tell the kids goodbye and drive to the where they are holding the funeral.

She clings to me the entire time and I'm pretty sure she has everything tuned out. After it is all over she walks to the front and looks at him.

"Can he hear me?" She whispers.

"I think so." I tell her but I don't know. I don't know how all that works.

"I love you dad so much and I'm going to miss you so much. I promise Jason and Brooke and Melissa will know how much you loved them. Thank you for always being there for me and supporting me and loving me. You're an amazing dad and I hope I can be as good a parent to Jason and Brooke as you were to me. Goodbye daddy." She tells him crying and then turns around and walks out to the car.

I get in and look at her but I don't talk to her, it's best to wait for her to talk when she's like this.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you take me to the beach? Just for a little while. I'm not ready to be with everyone yet. I can call you when I'm ready so you can go get the kids." She asks me quietly.

"Sweetheart I really don't want you to be alone. The kids will be fine with Jillian and Jake is picking them up to take them to Sam's. I can call them and tell them we'll be a while. And then I will just sit and not talk to you unless you want me to." She nods her head yes.

We drive to the beach and she gets the blanket out of the back of the trunk and lays it out and sits while I call Jake who says it's fine, stay as long as she wants. I sit behind her and she lays back on me.

"Josh?"

"Hmm?"

"I'll be OK." She whispers so that I barely hear her since she's facing away from me.

"I know you will be sweetheart." I tell her not really understanding what she means.

"I just got scared because you're older than him. But I'm done being afraid. If you die then you'll take a part of me with you but I'll stay strong for the kids and Sam and Ryan. But I won't ever stop thinking about you and I will look forward to the day that I can be with you again."

"Bella, no baby, don't think like that. If I die I want you to be happy, I want you to move on. If the kids are still little I want you to find someone that loves them and will be a good father to them." I tell her and she turns around.

"I felt more for you in a week then I felt for anyone I'd ever been with and what I felt for you then is nothing compared to how much I love you now. If I moved on, found someone to be a good father to the kids I would only be settling and that wouldn't be fair to me or them. I know I'm a lot younger than you and there is a lot you think I don't know and you're probably right. But this I do know… you are it for me." She tells me with so much fire and determination I don't dare argue with her.

I don't say anything and she turns around and lays back on me again. A little while later she says she's ready to go.

We get to Sam's and she actually socializes and when Jason comes up to her she smiles and picks him up and instead of kissing him and putting him down she holds him. He clings to her like she might disappear.

"How is she?" Sue asks.

"Well she's talking so I guess that's a start. She's taking it hard and I know it's mostly the fact that her dad is dead but it's also the fact that she's afraid I'm going to die on her. And I might, probably will actually. I love her so much but I wish I wasn't so much older than her right now. How is Leah?"

"Not dealing." She says sadly.

"And you?"

"It's so hard. I never thought I would be going through this all again so soon. I know Harry died a long time ago but sometimes it still feels like yesterday. I just never thought I would lose Charlie so soon." She looks at Bella and smiles at her playing with Melissa. "She'd be taken care of you know? I know she's scared but I know you're just as scared of leaving her behind. Sam and Jake and Leah would take care of her. Just like she would any of them, and she would have me and Jillian too. And she would stay strong for the kids. The only reason she let herself fall apart now is because she knows you'll take care of them."

"I'm so sorry Sue; if you need anything let me know." I tell her and she smiles sadly and says thanks.

"Daddy, tired." Brooke tells me yawning.

"OK baby, let's put you in Ryan's bed." I tell her and take her upstairs with Ryan following. They lay down together and I cover them up, kiss them both and go back down. Like Bella says I'm glad they are related no matter how weird it might be that my daughter and my grandson are months apart. Far less boundary issues. Jason and Melissa are a completely different story. They may only be one and three but Jason looks at Melissa with that complete look of awe that Sam looked at Bella with when she was just a baby.

"You got Ryan to lie down?" Sam asks me when I come down.

"Yes, he just kind of followed Brooke. Where are Bella and Jason?" I ask him because when I walked up there were in the kitchen and now I don't see them anywhere.

"They went for a walk with Melissa and Jillian. I think Jason was getting overwhelmed with all the people and you know Melissa follows him wherever he goes. I feel bad for Jake when they're older." He tells me laughing.

"Why do you feel bad for me?" Jake asks him from behind him.

"Because your daughter would follow Jason anywhere." Sam tells him.

"Oh yeah. Well Bella would have followed you anywhere and I think to this day you would die for her. And Jason is your brother. And since there is no way in hell she's going to end up marrying Josh I don't think I have to worry about them too much." He tells Sam laughing.

**Bella's POV**

Sometime after my dad died I got so insanely crazy that I wouldn't let Josh out of my sight. But I realized that I was spending so much time being crazy I wasn't actually living my life. My dad would have hated that. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy even when he didn't exactly approve of my choices. So I made the decision to mean what I told Josh on the beach the day of the funeral. I wasn't scared anymore; I was just going to make the most of my life with everyone in it.

Life didn't change but I did. For the first time since I let Josh into my life I let go of the fear of him leaving me completely. I also let go of the lesser known fear that I was going to end up dying and leaving him and the kids. Sarah died when Jake and I were 8 after all. My issues ran far deeper than anyone realized. Though we did make sure they would be taken care of both moneywise and guardianship wise. I couldn't decide between Jake and Leah and Sam so we discussed it with them and decided that it would up to them to decide if it should ever happen. No one really believes that sometime like that is going to happen. Josh and I were also written into both Sam and Jake's will as legal guardian to Ryan and Melissa should anything happen to any or all of them. It was an overall depressing conversation.

Then I threw myself into loving life in a carefree live for the moment way that I never really had before. I felt so at peace.

I went back to teaching when Brooke started kindergarten. By then Josh was running only the business side of the studio and he picked them up every afternoon that I needed to stay late. Obviously there were the advantages of him being older too. We never had to struggle with money and he spent way more time with the kids than any average father and definitely more time with Ryan than the average grandfather.

Life was not perfect, far from it.

Emily left Sam when Ryan was 6, she moved across the country when she woke up and decided she wanted more than this small town life. She came back after a few months and begged for forgiveness. Sam took her back of course; she is the love of his life.

Sue died a few years after my dad. While Leah and I were heartbroken we knew she had been miserable, not even the kids could cheer her up.

Sam and got in a horrible car accident and nearly died but he made it through and after months of recovery was back to himself.

Even Jillian went through hell getting married, pregnant and divorced within a year. But her daughter is freaking adorable and she is loved.

My family is happy most of the time and even when we're not happy we're together.


	33. Chapter 33

Brooke's POV

When I was 10 I asked my mom how Sam was my brother. I understood that we had the same dad I just didn't understand how. I knew that his mom was very close to my mom when she was growing up and I knew that she and Sam were best friends from the time they were little kids. A lot like me and Ryan and Jason and Melissa only Jason and Melissa are in love and Ryan is my nephew even if he just a few months younger than me. At 10 I just assumed that everyone grew up happily with their mom and their dad. So I asked her how she ended up with dad and she told she would have to explain it all later. I'm pretty sure they needed to get their story straight.

The day after I asked they told both me and Jason how dad walked out on his wife and Sam. It had never even occurred to me that my dad and Alison were even together even thought they were Sam's parents. Remember I was 10. And then mom explained how they met a long time later and they didn't know who the other person was. She broke up with dad but then later found out she was pregnant with Jason so they decided to work things out. When I was 10 I took it at that. As the years went on mom told me more and more about the drama involved.

Most twisted love story ever is what I told them. How weird is it to end up with your best friends long lost father? But I'm glad they ended up together. They belonged together and they were amazing parents.

When I was 15 dad had a heart attack and while he survived it was the start of a long battle and a lot of hospital stays.

The whole time he was sick he was more worried about mom than anything. I knew Grandpa died of a heart attack and dad dying at all was apparently mom's greatest fear.

We all knew he was going to die soon. He was weak, he wasn't really him anymore. He held on for 2 years though.

Then mom got sick. It was just the flu we thought but because she was so stressed and tired from worrying about dad she couldn't beat it. She died shortly before my 17th birthday and he died a month later. He tried to hold on for Jason and I but we told him together alone in the room with him that he should let go and be with her.

Jason and I were of course devastated. We were just teenagers. He had already graduated and I was in my last year but neither of were anywhere near ready to be adults. We were kind of spoiled kids. Sam and Emily and Jake and Leah all offered to let us live with them but neither of us really wanted to move.

That house is full of memories and memories of memories. It's the only house we'd ever lived in even though we spent enough time at both Sam's and Jake's to feel like those are our homes too.

That is the house that he bought for her hoping she would forgive him. The house she did forgive him in. The house he proposed to her in. The house we both took our first steps in. The house I pushed Ryan down the stairs in when I was 5 because he ripped a head off a Barbie and the house Jason first met Melissa in. Every holiday and birthday and good grade and heartbreak are held in that house.

We did briefly consider moving but I wanted to go with Sam and he wanted to go with Jake and we knew we had to stick together. Ryan is my best friend and Melissa is so much more than that to Jason but he's my brother. He's really the only one who understands how while we are upset we're OK with the fact that they both died so close together leaving us when we still needed them.

They were two parts of a whole. I believe everything happens for a reason. I got that from Sam I think.

I believe that dad left Sam and Grandma left mom and mom got pregnant with Jason within a week of meeting him so that they could spend the time they did together. It led to so much more, it led to mom being strong enough to let Grandma and Jillian into her life and ours, it led to Jason and Melissa being a sickeningly sweet couple with their first baby on the way. I even believe it led to Alison being happy. She was finally able to let go of her past with dad and move on. She got married before they died and they were both there.

In the end it was decided that Jillian and her little girl Grace would move in with us. Jillian married young and divorced young but she says it all worth it because she ended up with Grace.

We all lived together for the next 5 years until Jason and Melissa moved into their own house and I met Chris a year later. Jillian tried to warn me against moving so fast and I do have my occasional worry but I think the heartbreak is worth the reward in the end. Maybe I'm not meant to be with Chris forever but I'm going to love him in the moment.

Funny how things work out, Jillian moved here to help us keep the house and now it is her and Grace's house. Jason and I both know it's still ours though and we can always go back.

Both mom and dad loved Jillian and I know they would have been happy to have her here.

Most twisted love story ever. There is no happily ever happy after but it's not because we're not happy, it's because there is always another after. Happiness and sadness and pain and joy, they all come and go.

But Jason and I, we have an amazing family to get us through it all.

_**The End**_

_A/N Thank you so much for all the reviews and the follows and the favorites. _


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